SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 So I was on vacation with 3 of my close female friends a couple of weeks back. One of the girls of our group is dating a high school classmate. None of us are virgins so sex as a topic is common. However I am not around the group enough so it is usually discussed lightly and not as personal experiences. Anyway she got into graphic details about her boyfriend's size and his choice not to partake in certain sexual acts. Which I found too much but to each their own. The point is that he doesn't like her discussing it. So he asked her if he can talk about sex with her with his friends and she blatantly said no. Now this a conversation that was held while we were in the room. Me and my friend's boyfriend were the only people to agree that he has as much right. Now we all know of double standards. However that isn't the point of my thread. How much is too much? However how much do you disclose to your friends when dating? Do women and men share the same thing? What do you think is ok to share? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I was somewhat offended finding out later the detail of what my exW shared of our marital business, both personal and financial, with friends, especially my best male friend and his wife. I guess decades of being a sponge for women's marital problems taught me, through shear discomfort hearing such private details, to be more circumspect in what I shared with friends, so I stopped at generalities, not really much beyond what they could see and hear with their own eyes and ears. I would consider it completely disrespectful, even now that we're divorced, to talk with friends whom still interact with my exW about such private details as I've heard from MW's over the years. Male friends, in general, like myself, don't talk much about their M's. Generalities, sure, but not private details. Perhaps that's generational, IDK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 Yes, I find what people share some times to disrespectful and in bad taste. It is even worse when you share some thing with a mutual party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 OP, sorry, it's been awhile but back when I was dating, my friends would meet the ladies and I would express my interest in them to others but wouldn't talk about details. I got off on the marriage track by mistake, only because I still occasionally get surprised by stuff people know about our former M. My policy is, when in doubt, zip it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 OP, sorry, it's been awhile but back when I was dating, my friends would meet the ladies and I would express my interest in them to others but wouldn't talk about details. I got off on the marriage track by mistake, only because I still occasionally get surprised by stuff people know about our former M. My policy is, when in doubt, zip it. No it's fine. Your response was very insightful either way. I guess there is different things that should be shared at different parts in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
LeoNguyen Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 This may be a double standard but men should just keep the bedroom business out of normal conversations. First, you don't want your male friends to visualize the woman you're dating doing certain acts. Second, you can taint a woman's reputation if you say too much because society is much harsher on a woman when it comes to sex. For a guy, it's not that big of a deal. At the same time, if you're not comfortable with your partner talking about these things, then set up your boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmileFace Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 This may be a double standard but men should just keep the bedroom business out of normal conversations. First, you don't want your male friends to visualize the woman you're dating doing certain acts. Second, you can taint a woman's reputation if you say too much because society is much harsher on a woman when it comes to sex. For a guy, it's not that big of a deal. At the same time, if you're not comfortable with your partner talking about these things, then set up your boundaries. So telling me how horrible her boyfriend is in bed doesn't taint his image? Link to post Share on other sites
Greznog Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 My buddies and I talk about every detail, breast size, what kind of nipples she has, is she a freak or frigid, bush or shaved, what her vagina looks like etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 No sexual details and filtered/selective discussion if having problems and needing to vent. That is, don't air dirty laundry in public. Many years ago, I made the mistake of talking about a sexual activity with one female friend. Although she was one of the least traditional of my circle, it was a very short conversation and we both felt slightly uncomfortable. Having said that, I think that general details might be okay in some contexts, if your friendship and partnership can take it. However, divulging physical attributes such as size and sexual acts are a no no, especially if they relate to a current relationship because the parties involved can be easily identifiable. Talking about it while the person is present is particularly poor taste, unless they are involved in the conversation and have given you permission to divulge personal details. Your friend's partner has said that he doesn't like it, your friend would not like it if he discussed details with his friends and everyone else felt uncomfortable. Your friend made a big error in judgement. Disregarding her partner's feelings and embarrassing him and herself in public is not conducive to a long-term relationship, in my opinion. If this is a manifestation of a big bone of contention between your friend and her partner, I fear that their relationship is heading for a fall. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Most of my friends know about my dating life, although few even know I've lost my virginity recently, only my brothers and a few close friends know. Generally my friends tend to be quite open. Link to post Share on other sites
Necris Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'm actually very open about just as open as I am on here, maybe because I really don't have a dating life, but I'm cool with regaling them with tales of my failure it helps to try to laugh off the rejection and bad dates. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 every day less and less. I mostly vent here. I made the mistake of mentioning something about the huge size of a certain body part of my boyfriend to one of my friends and how I was concerned about how... certain activities could hurt and she actually had the nerve to bring it up on another occasion in front of other people. So I decided never to talk about anything like that again with anyone that is not my LS public and even in LS i'm pretty shy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 It depends. The more seriously I'm involved with the guy, the less inclined I am to speak graphically about our sex life to others. Although, even with a very serious involvement, there are some girl friends who are just so close to me and I to them, that I'll tell them some basics. Like, that the guy and I had sex at all. I might also make some mention of his size and...well, anything I feel like saying. When what I'm saying is complimentary to him, I certainly don't feel guilty about it, because he'd probably like it (maybe not, but probably). That said, I'd also speak negatively about him to good friends. The fact is, I kiss and tell (to my good girl friends). My concession is that I expect he's kissing and telling about me too (in a plain, non-humiliating way to good friends), and have no problem with it. Sometimes friends are helpful. I'm helpful to my girl friends about sex. I have some girl friends who are ten years younger than me, and who've only had sex with one person before. Or had no sex before. I have to give them feedback. The thing is, I can't think of a time, even when talking about casual sexual involvements (and I've had a few) where I was downright mean or purposefully humiliating a guy (to my friends). i just speak about sex like adults talk about sex. He went down on me. He's big. He's kinda small. I liked the way he....whatever it is he did. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 regarding someone i'm presently dating, and i see it going somewhere, bedroom business is off-limits, even to my closest friends. i'll keep it on topics that are publicly obvious; like ethnicity, profession, etc. previous encounters whom i have no contact with anymore, yea i'm not bothered either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter Attis Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 that girl Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Double standards can and do exist, but I have learned the hard way to keep my mouth fairly shut about what does/doesn't go on. Unless, of course, I am having a specific conversation about a specific act. And I don't name names. If people ask a question I am uncomfortable with or don't feel like answering to them for some reason, I just say "I don't kiss and tell". Trust me, you will be happier the less people know. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I share next to nothing in my real life. That's why LS gets it all 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 For me, unless someone is a real serious prospect they never find out that person exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 One of my girl friends was shy about telling me about what she and some guy had done the night before. She said they didn't have sex, but had done "stuff." I said "What stuff?" She said, "It's kinda scandalous. I can't say." Eventually (it took about five or six minutes), I pried it out of her that they'd used her breasts for his pleasure. Haha. I'm nosy. I want to know what's going on in my girl friends' sex lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I have a friend that likes to demonstrates sexual positions she and her bf did it in on one of us Link to post Share on other sites
Dafa Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Anyway she got into graphic details about her boyfriend's size and his choice not to partake in certain sexual acts. Which I found too much but to each their own. The point is that he doesn't like her discussing it. So he asked her if he can talk about sex with her with his friends and she blatantly said no. Now this a conversation that was held while we were in the room. Me and my friend's boyfriend were the only people to agree that he has as much right. Now we all know of double standards. However that isn't the point of my thread. How much is too much? Do women and men share the same thing? What do you think is ok to share? In my experience, which consists on the usual conversations with male friends and also some conversations with female friends, what happens is the following: Men talk about their sex life with their friends but always somewhat vaguely, e.g., "Oh, i love doggie style". However, they are vague in the sense that they do not say or pinpoint specific things or even specific people. Very rarely i hear stuff like "Oh, yesterday she did this or that to me" or "last week she let me do this and that" from a male friend. However, one can deduce if the woman his friend is talking about is more sexually open or not though... As for women, they are much more graphic and specific, i.e., "Girl friend, yesterday was awesome, he did this and did that". But what i've noticed is that while women disclose much more than men, they do not disclose negative traits. For example, in a given group of girl friends, the entire group knows which men (either boyfriends or ex's) have a "bigger masculinity" simply because it is something that is shared, But what is not shared is which men are "smaller" because it is an embarassing information and as such, the girl whose boyfriend is not well endowed simply does not divulge it. In other words, women share sexual information very graphically but very rarely share unflattering information. Once again, though, one can partially deduce information not from what is said, but rather from what is not said. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) My close friends (male and female) and I talk candidly about our sex lives. Often we discuss our frustrations. It seems like bad sex and lack of sex get talked about more than good sex. I know which of my friends like anal sex, I know who likes and who doesn't care for oral, I know whose BF has a problem staying hard, I know penis sizes, I know what they miss and don't miss sexually when it comes to their exes, etc. This is only with my close friends, some of whom I have known for 15 years. Work friends and acquaintances I meet for a glass of wine every now and then don't know about my sex life and I don't know about theirs. But what is not shared is which men are "smaller" because it is an embarassing information and as such, the girl whose boyfriend is not well endowed simply does not divulge it. In other words, women share sexual information very graphically but very rarely share unflattering information. It's the opposite IME! Edited September 3, 2012 by iris219 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I use LS to share mainly except for discussions with my sister. Not sex though, neither of us talk about that, but we mention more challenging aspects of dating in terms of personalities, character, compromise. Not so much the trivial. I only discuss sex with my SO Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 i share a lot because it helps me to clear my own mind and get suggestions on how to fix things. so, i normally share when we're fighting. i share with both male and female friends. BUT, nothing, absolutely nothing, about our sex life (that is for love shack forums!), and i don't say anything that if it got back to my partner would be hurtful to him, so my vents/questions are kept pretty generic and i leave out/change details Link to post Share on other sites
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