amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Do you think that you can become attracted to someone you initially overlooked? Has it happened to you? Did you give someone a chance just to see how it would go? What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Not entirely but I think you can change your mentality to be attracted to different things. If somebody who has never had stability and dependability in their life is bored by those things it is possible to change it and realize what is healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Not entirely but I think you can change your mentality to be attracted to different things. If somebody who has never had stability and dependability in their life is bored by those things it is possible to change it and realize what is healthy. This It isn't a choice, but you might learn more about them to realize you are attracted to them Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Do you think that you can become attracted to someone you initially overlooked? Has it happened to you? Did you give someone a chance just to see how it would go? What happened? It's not a spontaneous choice, but a person's sense of attraction is a gradual developing thing. That 6 year old girl who is sitting in the seat before me on the train, smiling and giggling at me? That same girl will call me unattractive and not give me the time of day in 20 years. I can usually walk into a room and think every woman of age is attractive to some degree. On the other hand, from what I've observed, most women find less that 10% of the male populace attractive. Your attraction is a result of media, your parent's influence, your friend's influence, and your own attractiveness. So, yes it can be changed. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I actually believe that to a large extent, attraction isn't a choice. There are things that we can recognize as "healthy" for us, but they may not still be what we "need" in order to be fulfilled in a relationship. Much is made of how things used to be in terms of relationships and attraction, but as things have eroded, more people have choice, and we are starting to see things that would normally be considered irrational, which goes to show how irrational attraction really is. There are varying degrees of attraction however, such as mild intrigue which can in turn develop into a relationship. Or there is straight up, animal lust which can also have the opposite effect somewhere down the line. And varying degrees within with varying results. At the end of the day, core beliefs and values have to be complemented in order for a long term thing to work, but unfortunately attraction isn't necessarily dictated by those things. Now, the things you are attracted to can be subconsciously altered, either by other people who are able to do this psychologically, or simply by your environment. That can have an effect. But ultimately, I think that everyone has their own attraction triggers that rear their heads. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Attraction is not a choice but emotional investment is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 You can be attracted to someone in a variety of ways so, yes, in some of those ways attraction can increase the more you get to know a person. The more you actually like someone and enjoy their company the more 'attractive' they will appear. However, if you are talking specifically about sexual attraction or sexual chemistry - then, no, it is not a choice. If the physical chemistry isn't there at the beginning it is highly unlikely that it ever will be. You can ignore the lack of physical attraction and marry someone who floats your boat in other ways BUT, since (I believe) it is that particular type of chemistry that keeps two people together through the rough times, the relationship will probably founder at some point. Whichever party didn't feel it in the beginning will eventually say something along the lines of 'I love you, but I'm not in love you'. That is my experience anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 Everyone has great insight and I appreciate it but I was thinking more about the physical attraction. Do you think that can grow if everything else about a person is attractive to you? I feel so shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Everyone has great insight and I appreciate it but I was thinking more about the physical attraction. Do you think that can grow if everything else about a person is attractive to you? I feel so shallow. I honestly believe it can not. That raw sexual chemistry is either there or not. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Everyone has great insight and I appreciate it but I was thinking more about the physical attraction. Do you think that can grow if everything else about a person is attractive to you? I feel so shallow. I think I just answered that but, in short, no! If you're not feeling it then you're not feeling it - nothing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 You can be attracted to someone in a variety of ways so, yes, in some of those ways attraction can increase the more you get to know a person. The more you actually like someone and enjoy their company the more 'attractive' they will appear. However, if you are talking specifically about sexual attraction or sexual chemistry - then, no, it is not a choice. If the physical chemistry isn't there at the beginning it is highly unlikely that it ever will be. You can ignore the lack of physical attraction and marry someone who floats your boat in other ways BUT, since (I believe) it is that particular type of chemistry that keeps two people together through the rough times, the relationship will probably founder at some point. Whichever party didn't feel it in the beginning will eventually say something along the lines of 'I love you, but I'm not in love you'. That is my experience anyway. Thank you. That's what I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Everyone has great insight and I appreciate it but I was thinking more about the physical attraction. Do you think that can grow if everything else about a person is attractive to you? I feel so shallow. Sometimes it can. To an extent, physical attraction cannot be changed, but it can be overlooked. Not everyone can do it though. Physical attractiveness can be improved however..... Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) Everyone has great insight and I appreciate it but I was thinking more about the physical attraction. Do you think that can grow if everything else about a person is attractive to you? I feel so shallow. In a practical sense, if everything was perfect about a person, they would be physically attractive to me. I mean the chances that I will meet an extremely obese or 63 year old woman who is perfect to me in every other way and I'll have to decide on whether I can overcome my lack of physical attraction to them is slim. Mostly, when people post here about a member of the opposite sex who they are not attracted to, it's a totally normal, average dude/dudette. To which (as an older poster who has been around some) I say, I would consider it silly to pass up someone you could potentially spend a lot of cherished time and memories with for somebody who has a strong chin or higher cheekbones. I never meet people I click with strongly. It's hard to find. A lot harder than a pretty face. I could go to the mall right now and find 100 women with cute faces. But, then again, my opinion is always in the minority here. Good luck. Edited July 22, 2012 by jobaba Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 Sometimes it can. To an extent, physical attraction cannot be changed, but it can be overlooked. Not everyone can do it though. Physical attractiveness can be improved however..... Yea this is my dilemma...he's a great guy, kind, generous, successful but it's his head I don't like and I hate that it's a problem for me cause it makes me feel shallow. He's got a great body too. Knows how to dress. And he said he thinks the world of me and I've heard it's good if the other person is more into you but I don't think I can get past the way he looks. It makes me feel like a bad person. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 In a practical sense, if everything was perfect about a person, they would be physically attractive to me. I mean the chances that I will meet an extremely obese or 63 year old woman who is perfect to me in every other way and I'll have to decide on whether I can overcome my lack of physical attraction to them is slim. Mostly, when people post here about a member of the opposite sex who they are not attracted to, it's a totally normal, average dude/dudette. To which (as an older poster who has been around some) I say, I would consider it silly to pass up someone you could potentially spend a lot of cherished time and memories with for somebody who has a strong chin or higher cheekbones. I never meet people I click with strongly. It's hard to find. A lot harder than a pretty face. I could go to the mall right now and find 100 women with cute faces. But, then again, my opinion is always in the minority here. Good luck. When this happens, it's not that one finds the person physically unattractive; they find them unattractive in other ways. I've rarely rejected anyone based on how they look physically, but I've rejected lots of people for being incompatible, unintelligent, rude, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Do you think that you can become attracted to someone you initially overlooked? Has it happened to you? Did you give someone a chance just to see how it would go? What happened? These situations tend to happen with women more so than men, because of their emotions, and how it can be manipulated. Men can only become attracted if the woman improves on her looks from a 6 to an 8. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Do you think that you can become attracted to someone you initially overlooked? Has it happened to you? Did you give someone a chance just to see how it would go? What happened? Yes. I wasn't immediately attracted to my first boyfriend, but we were in a college course together and we kept seeing each other because of that. We developed a rapport, had some common interests, and suddenly he was the hottest thing ever. My boyfriend now? I feel guilty about this now and it was very immature - keep in mind this was about half a decade ago - but when I first saw a picture of him, I actually made fun of him. Not to his face. He's not conventionally attractive - he has a bit of a deformity that most women, as I've experienced, automatically deem 'ugly.' We started hanging out and it hit me. I would say this is MUCH easier for women than for men - because I think part of physical/sexual attraction for women is very much a display of emotional attraction too. For men, it seems to be much more rigid. My advice to guys who don't feel it is just to move on: you likely never will. Ladies, if he's not a total jerk or something, give him at least two to three dates before you decide to call it quits. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Silent Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Percieved physical attractiveness can grow. But if I were to measure a persons standard physical attrativeness, it would also grow as well but it would only be modest gains. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 Yes. I wasn't immediately attracted to my first boyfriend, but we were in a college course together and we kept seeing each other because of that. We developed a rapport, had some common interests, and suddenly he was the hottest thing ever. I would love to know how this can happen. He seems like a great guy...he has good morals and a nice way about him although he did call me a gold digger when I met him five years ago. Completely wrong about me. Maybe that has something to do with me not finding him attractive? Anyway he's a single dad and he seems to be a solid guy. I just don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 No. Not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
SunandMoon Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 You can be attracted to someone in a variety of ways so, yes, in some of those ways attraction can increase the more you get to know a person. The more you actually like someone and enjoy their company the more 'attractive' they will appear. I don't like to compare it to musical taste, but there are some songs I flat out will dislike, but given time and a couple more playthroughs I (usually) find something I like about it. In other words; things can grow one me. So it does somewhat becomes a choice depending on if you have the will to change your intial opinion or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 My sister almost wanted to stop seeing her now husband when they were dating because he's too tall. She admits now how shallow of her it was but she was like 22 at the time...I'm a lot older than that. I'm seriously thinking it was the comment he made about me being a gold digger that made me write him off that first night I met him. And then I'd run into him and he'd say hi and I'd say hi but in my head was thinking ugh I don't like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 that's so rare. most ladies decide immediately. Well then I'm rare too cause I'm weighing it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amaysngrace Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 i wish a few would have with me. you're a very rare bird. Why thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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