Is he not interested anymore?

[gbadboy]

Was hoping for your thoughts..... I met a guy online and we began chatting back and forth - then texting and then finally last Friday I decided to meet up with him since I was near his workplace. I told him I couldnt stay too long because I had plans with my friends later that evening.........

 

Anyway, we met up for drinks and it was awesome. The attraction was there and when it was time for me to leave, I asked him if he wanted to join me and my friends..........

 

He did join us and we had a great night, drinks and then went to eat. After my friends left, him and I walked the streets alone, kissed a lot and then he went home.

 

Next day (Saturday), we met up again in the day time...for a beer and then we walked to the store. He told me really enjoys my company and wants to take me to his friends party later that night. He also said that he felt i was too "busy" for him prior to meeting the first time . I told him nope - I wasn't busy...I just wanted to meet you in person first before i began commiting more of myself.

 

We ended up going to the party - had fun and then we left and hung out at a bar..was really nice. We went back to his place and I ended up staying over........ No sex......although he wanted to fool around, I told him NO, b/c I like him and dont want this to be a "hook up". He accepted and we slept (made out a lot )!

 

Next day, I left and we texted each other throughout the day. Saying he had fun etc. etc. (Sunday) As the day progressed his replies to me got shorter and shorter so I assumed he was just busy....thus I cooled off and stopped texting..........

 

Monday comes and let me say, I'm not the one to want to text a guy too often so as to not come off as a "clinger" - so I limit my texts as best as I can. Sometimes he would say "I find you are too busy sometimes " I tell him "No.its just that i dont wanna bother u often"

 

Having said that...I let hours pass on Monday before texting him and he sent me a text saying :

" I was thinking about you a lot and was hoping i would hear from you...but maybe you are busy or maybe u waiting to hear from me....hoping u are ok"

 

I was happy to read that! So I replied saying "im good, i just assumed u were busy and didnt wanna keep u"

 

He replies "dont assume , just text me and we gotta do dinner when im back"

 

(He is leaving for Chicago on Wed night for a few days with some friends)

 

So Tuesday we text back and forth but then I stopped hearing from him..... so I began initiating texts, and he replied....but then would stop.......So now I returned the favour and said ".......I'm not hearing from you now? " (in a joking way)

 

He replied "Sorry im sometimes busy. Im out with a friend having dinner b/c she's off to paris for a year etc. etc. "

 

I said "No worries! When u dont hear from me, u call it out, so I was just doing the same. Enjoy we'll talk later!"

 

He said "true true, ur right"

 

...That was Tuesday night.

 

It's now Thursday afternoon and I haven't heard from him since.....

 

He is going away to Chicago with a few friends this week and he left either Wed night or Thurs morning.......

 

I feel like texting and saying "Umm r u still intrested? Im not hearing from you?"

 

 

...but as of recent I feel he ha stopped. Is he losing interest?

 

I guess what im asking is , should I:

 

1) Not text at all, since I was the last to initiate a text on Tuesday night when he was out at dinner with his friend. And instead wait for his reply, keeping my dignity in tact!

 

2) Reply and not bring up anything and instead say "Hey, how r u?" or "Hey, hope ur having fun in Chicago?!" (That way i dont come off as a clinger?)

 

3) Reply and say " Im not hearing from you. Are you not interested? Should I back off?" (but that might make me sound like a clinger and needy? it might turn him off?

 

My frustration is that he is QUICK to point out when I 'm busy and when I dont reply quickly to his texts.

 

So should i not do the same and call him out?

 

BOttom line, I just met this guy, literally we hung out last weekend for the first time after only chatting for a week. I dont want to come off as annoying or clingy......

 

Should I keep my dignity and WAIT for him to get initiate the next text? Or bite the bullet and follow up with him yet again?

[veggirl]

geepers way too much of the "do u like me ? " variety of texts early on.

 

First of all, when he said "you seem too busy for me" I would have said "I'm not too busy for you, if I was I wouldn't even be talking to you. We just met, I don't move that quickly" bedause I am not about to give up my whole life for someone I just met and start being at their beck and call 24/7.

 

I mean what was he expecting? Insta relationship? All day communication from the get go? That's all too much.

 

Don't text someone "I don't wanna bother you" or "I feel like I'm bugging you so I'm leaving you alone" and stuff. That reeks of drama and insecurity.

 

DON'T text him and ask if he is interested.

 

CALL HIM (or text, I guess....) and ask him for a specific date! "Hey X, was wondering if you'd like to go to Y on Z day?" and see what he says. That will tell you if he is interested or not!

 

Hey, remember that the beginnings of relationships should be fun and carefree..they should be light-hearted, not full of questioning about the others whereabouts / feelings, or accusations of being too busy and all that junk you two did. RELAX, breathe...

[gbadboy]

wow. Well said. And it makes complete sense.

 

I agree, saying "am I bothering you" screams insecurity.

 

You are right. I will sent a text saying to call me when you are back from Chicago if you want to meet up. And ill leave it at that!

 

Thank you so much for the insight. Its good to hear from another source.

[Yare]

And that is the reason I do not date anymore..too much confusion, and frustration...You don't know what the other person wants, you don't dare to ask, you don't wanna seem pushy, if they ignore a text maybe they don't want you anymore, etc etc..It's soooo frustrating!

[gbadboy]

Hey Yare,

 

I so agree! I didnt want to text him so often b/c i didnt wanna come off as "clingy". So when I held back, he called me out and said "u dont seem intrested in me bla bla bla".............. so when I started msg'ing him more, he tells me "he is busy sometimes" and all of a sudden, his replies start to decrease!

 

...and now im not hearing from him at all! Which whatever, but just a week ago u were all up over me and texting me millions of times beggin for my attention each night.

 

...now in just a few days you're gone. Im not clingy but i dont like when people just up and run without an explanation and leave u hanging. Just tell me u aint into me and thats COOL - awesome - I can move on then.

 

Especially when the guy is all over you a few days before and won't let you breathe....to do a complete 360 in just a few days and vanish is weird!

 

 

 

You're damned if you & damned if you don't.

 

I don't get it.

Edited June 29, 2012 by gbadboy

[gbadboy]

I'm a guy!

 

Ya we are gay and let me tell you, the rules are exactly in the same in the gay world - except it is much much much more tough for us - in addition to dating woes we have to deal with socieity frowing on us for no reason! .......(thats for another discussion)...

 

As much as I hate to admit it, he wanted to have sex - at least some degree of it and I refused.....while he seemed cool with it, I suppose deep down inside he felt dry.

 

What I dont understand though is that days after we still chatted very closely...its only from Wednesday he started to act weird. Nonetheless, you're prob right........

 

What sucks though is i told him straight up from the start im not lookin for a hook up.Im looking for something real. And he said he was looking for something real too............... maybe he was just saying that b/c the attraction level is high on both our parts......

 

anyway, I tried to be a good guy and look what happens. Urgh!