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My boyfriend doesn't make time for me anymore :(


ShannanDope

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ShannanDope

I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We are very different people, and it's starting to become obvious to me now that some time has gone by.

When we first met, he wanted to spend every hour of every day with me. He would text me constantly, even if he was at work, and he would make sure to talk to me (i.e. phone call) to say good night if he couldn't see me that day.

Lately, however, he is working all of the time, just as he always does, but I'm lucky if I receive one or two text messages from him all day, and FORGET a quick goodnight phone call. He always says he'll call me, but winds up "forgetting" or "getting too busy" and just will simply not make time as he once did. I did not see him through the entire work week last week, and this weekend, when we finally did see each other, we fought because I confronted him about the neglect I've been feeling regarding him, and he proceeded to tell me that he didn't need this on top of everything else he's dealing with.

I try so hard to be his rock, and kiss his A** all of the time. I look good for him, never is there a day where I "bum it". I am constantly trying to make him love me more basically, and it's only getting worse. Sometimes I feel like he wants to distance himself from me because he needs to think about whether he wants to be with me or not. He has to understand that he changed literally overnight, and I'm adjusting. I need that reassurance and attention from time to time, because I don't want to feel like I'm the only one in this relationship who misses the other one when they're gone. I don't want to think that I care more than he does. I get very lonely, and I just feel like it shouldn't be like that when you're with someone that you love.

I should also add that he is prone to some pretty intense mood swings, and does often take things out on me (verbally, of course) that have nothing to do with me. If he has a stressful day and needs to yell at something...I'm that chump he yells at. But I figure it's my job as his girl to let him vent.

There is an age gap, I'm 24 and he is 20.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm hoping he's just under a lot of stress right now and things will get better, because I do love him with all of my heart. I want to be with him, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix this so we are BOTH happy with each other.

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mortensorchid

Walk away for a while. You're making yourself crazy and he's enjoying the fact that he's doing it. If he really likes you, then he will be more attentive to your needs rather than being all aloof about it.

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Your 'kissing his ass'? Your making it too easy for him, your being too available. Like Mortensorchid said, walk away for a while, make him miss you. And if he doesnt miss you then **** him, he never deserved you. He reminds me so much of my ex, I feel very strongly about this.

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ShannanDope

Thanks for the advice, I know in my logical mind that's what I need to do... I've just never dated someone where this was an issue before. And it's so hard to deal with the loneliness for the simple fact that he transformed into another person so quickly. It's confusing.

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DontWorryBHappy

It is NOT your job as his girl to let him vent if his "venting" includes yelling at you or being a jerk to you about stuff that has nothing to do with you. Venting means a calm, "Oh man today at work was so exhausting" as you hold each other on the couch or something... NOT him blowing up at you. Don't tolerate that. If he does it again literally walk away and say that isn't acceptable treatment. Also, men mature slower than woman. The fact that he's 20 and you're 24 is HUGE. He will be a totally different person by the time he's your age... and you'll be a career woman by then. I gotta be straight with you - I'm not sure of your chances of this lasting very long unless he does a 180 with his attitude or suddenly grows up.

Edited by DontWorryBHappy
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3 months in and your BF is already yelling at you, taking things out on you and basically ignoring you.

 

It's only been 3 months and he is treating you like crap. You need to walk away and find someone who treats you like a priority not an after thought. You are clearly doing all the work in this relationship, you are behaving like a doormat. He has likely lost respect for you because of the way you allow him to treat you.

 

Things should not already be this difficult, just leave him. He is not worth it, he is not the love of your life, or at the very least you aren't the love of HIS.

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cheshire_cat

I've kinda of been there and still am at the moment. It will only get worse. The guy I am "dating" at the moment is the same way. This is someone that liked me per his words for 2 years. Once he finally got me, he knew he had me and he takes me for granted. We haven’t spoken/texted in two days. At this point, after almost 6 months, all our interactions are based on who will cave first and text/call. That's not a relationship. No one needs to deal with that and you're only 3 months in...cut your loses now. I wish I had. Find someone who does want to see you and talk to you all the time. There are guys out there who do…you just need to find one.

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ATrainofAngels

I've never had a relationship so maybe I'm not the best person to ask this

 

 

but why in the world do people, specifically women, need their man to call them every night? WTF? You're going to see him several times a week. Why do you need him to call you to wish you good night like you're a baby or something?

 

 

 

just see him when you see him and have your own life the rest of the week, it's not that difficult

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A phone call takes 5 minutes. It's an action to let a person you care about know that you think of them at random times of the day.

 

My current boyfriend is very busy. He is trying to start a business and has a meantime job that requires him to travel several days a week. When he is too busy to call me, he calls me to let me know that! That isn't me being needy. That is him letting me know that he is making the time for me, even if it's only a minute, and I appreciate that.

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Ruby Slippers

Then stop making time for him.

 

And learn to respect yourself.

 

I will never understand why anyone busts their ass for someone who doesn't do jack for them. Are you really that desperate? Surely you can do better than this.

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