Problem with Woman

[Binh]

Dear Love Advice,

 

I am 75 years of age and divorced from my wife. Most of the women I date now are disgraceful in some way. Some in appearance, some in smell and some are ugly in the mind. I am presently dating another woman. We have been dating for 3 weeks. She appears worn but is still acceptable...until last week:

 

We had plans to go to a restaurant for food. I decided it was time to take action to try to make her my wife so I did what was custom in my culture and presnted her with a bag of carrots at her doorstep. When she opened the door I could see that she looked better than usual so I told her so. Then I presented her with the bag of carrots. They were fresh carrots I purchased at the grocery store and smaller carrots because she is a smaller woman so large carrots would have spoiled her appetite. She told me that she did not want the carrots and that I smelled of alcohol. She was right...I drank bourbon drinks before I left to pick her up. But I drink bourbon before all my dates. I asked her if I could come in so we could share the carrots but she declined and told me to go home.

 

I woke up the next day upset. Rejection is very unking in my culture. I was starting to think that she was also disgraceful but I wanted to give her one more chance. After 3 drinks of bourbon, I drove down to her office and once again presented her with the carrots. This time she bagan to yell and curse at me that she did not want to see me again. I opened the bag of carrots and dumped them on her desk, said curse words to her and left the building.

 

After thinking about it, I decided that she was probably a disgraceful woman as well but I might love her too.

 

Am I wrong? What should I do?

 

Binh

[westrock]

Most of the women I date now are disgraceful in some way.

 

What about your own behavior?

 

We have been dating for 3 weeks. She appears worn but is still acceptable... I decided it was time to take action to try to make her my wife

 

You have known her only 3 weeks, she's "worn" and you now want to make her your wife? You don't even know her.

 

I drank bourbon drinks before I left to pick her up. But I drink bourbon before all my dates.

 

Why?

 

After 3 drinks of bourbon

 

More drinking?

 

I opened the bag of carrots and dumped them on her desk, said curse words to her and left the building.

 

And you're saying her behavior is disgraceful?

Edited April 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Binh]

My boy,

 

I drink bourbon before my dates to give me charisma...and I wanted extra charisma because she was acceptable (I said so in my post). You have not yet told me what to do.

 

Binh

[stillafool]

Good that the carrots were fresh and that you were also thoughtful enough to buy a smaller bag. The next time you propose marriage you should be sober as this will let the woman know you are serious. You might try bringing a diamond ring instead of carrots the next time. Women here in the U.S. love rings and she may also.

[Binh]

Good that the carrots were fresh and that you were also thoughtful enough to buy a smaller bag. The next time you propose marriage you should be sober as this will let the woman know you are serious. You might try bringing a diamond ring instead of carrots the next time. Women here in the U.S. love rings and she may also.

 

But what do I DO? She will not answer calls...where do I buy rings? Do I give her rings and carrots?

[westrock]

Find another woman.

[TaraMaiden]

what is your culture?

where are you coming from?

[stillafool]

But what do I DO?

 

Put down the bourbon.

 

She will not answer calls...where do I buy rings?

 

At the jewelry store. Do you guys have them? Don't buy rings but 1 ring.

 

 

Do I give her rings and carrots?

 

Yes. Give a ring and fresh carrots.

[january2011]

Your username suggests that you are Vietnamese.

 

From what I know of Vietnamese culture, a bag of carrots is not an acceptable romantic or proposal gift. Showing up drunk at a woman's door is also not an acceptable way for a traditional Vietnamese gentleman of 75 to behave.

 

To then show up drunk at her place of work and make her lose face in front of her colleagues by swearing and creating a scene, is very bad form indeed, in my opinion.

 

Unfortunately, I think at 75, your options are probably very limited. And your standards for your own behaviour as well as other people's behaviour are going to reduce the size of your dating pool substantially.

 

I suggest that you re-examine your dating goals and expectations and do some self-reflection to consider your own behaviour and how that played a part in the events you described.

Edited April 28, 2012 by january2011

[Binh]

Your username suggests that you are Vietnamese.

 

From what I know of Vietnamese culture, a bag of carrots is not an acceptable romantic or proposal gift. Showing up drunk at a woman's door is also not an acceptable way for a traditional Vietnamese gentleman of 75 to behave.

 

To then show up drunk at her place of work and make her lose face in front of her colleagues by swearing and creating a scene, is very bad form indeed, in my opinion.

 

Unfortunately, I think at 75, your options are probably very limited. And your standards for your own behaviour as well as other people's behaviour are going to reduce the size of your dating pool substantially.

 

I suggest that you re-examine your dating goals and expectations and do some self-reflection to consider your own behaviour and how that played a part in the events you described.

 

Thank you for the advice my boy.

 

I will consider your thoughts and update you when the time comes. Is that ok? Do you understand?

[Pyro]

Maybe she is just not a fan of carrots.

[january2011]

Mr Binh - If you're able to address the questions posted in this thread, that would be help us to be a lot more specific about the advice that we give you.

[Feelsgoodman]

The concept of politeness varies greatly across cultures. For example, in some cultures, not paying for a woman woud be considered extremely rude. In other cultures, splitting the bill is perfectly normal. In Vietnamese culture, the carrot is a symbol of virility, which explains the rationale behind the "carrot bag proposal".

 

Western culture is extremely materialistic. To us, a wedding gift that doesn't have diamonds on it and doesn't cost thousands of dollars would seem lame and ridiculous. However, in a Buddhist society like Vietnam, spiritual values are considered more important and the symbolism of the gift is more important than its dollar value.

Edited April 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[january2011]

The concept of politeness varies greatly across cultures. For example, in some cultures, not paying for a woman woud be considered extremely rude. In other cultures, splitting the bill is perfectly normal. In Vietnamese culture, the carrot is a symbol of virility, which explains the rationale behind the "carrot bag proposal".

 

It would help if you could provide a source for your assertion that the carrot is a symbol of virility in Vietnamese culture. Having spent over 10 years immersed in Vietnamese culture as well as visiting the country for work, I have never come across any of the claims made in your post. A Google search also comes up empty. So your claim that I'm stereotyping is incorrect.

 

RE politeness - arriving at a future wife's door drunk might be forgiveable but turning up to her workplace to swear at her and embarrass her in front of her colleagues is not a concept of politeness that I've come across in any culture. And given how strongly the concept of 'face' features in Vietnamese culture, it's completely unacceptable behaviour.

Edited April 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator