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Feelings for my guy friend... now he's ignoring me


purplepanda

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purplepanda

This was longer than I thought it'd be...

 

Okay so my friend, his name is Trevor, is amazing. We like the same music, etc so we have a lot of things to talk about. I've known him for over a year, and he lives 2 and a half hours away (yes I've met him in person more than once). There was a four month period where he was really pissed off at me for dumb ****, so he blocked me but whatever, that was a long time ago.

 

When we became friends again and caught up, I learned that the girl he'd been with for about a year and a half broke up with him because she wanted to get pregnant and he's not that stupid. He said to me, "Since I'm not with her anymore, I can tell you that when I first saw you I thought you were so cute, and I wanted to talk to you because you looked sad, but I was nervous." He told me I looked beautiful in a couple of pictures on Facebook, but not on there, just through texting. We talked a lot the first couple weeks we were friends again, then he got really busy.

 

Let me be clear on this: I've always liked him, ever since the day I met him I thought he was so adorable. I never said anything because he'd tell me about his awesome weekend with his girlfriend and once even asked me advice and my advice worked (told him to chill out over something), and I was flattered he came to me for advice.

I admitted to him that I liked him too and always had, that's why I was so torn up when he blocked me and was mad at me for a long time.

 

Well I hardly talk to him anymore. A couple months ago we talked for about 12 hours straight one day, then 8 the next. :o We talked about really personal stuff, even sexual things like what turns us on, etc. We weren't sexting, though. At the end of those two days, he suddenly decided it was "awkward" cause I had a boyfriend, whom I was actually breaking up with... :/

 

For a month I barely heard from him. He used to text me first thing in the morning and during school... used to talk to me while he was at work... used to answer my IMs on Facebook. But now he's "too busy". Even when I can see him online! So then I quit saying anything to him...

 

Easter weekend we talked again, he wasn't working one day, so we talked some more. I just love talking to him. He makes me nervous though, which is weird because I never get nervous unless I'm crazy about the dude. Idk what's wrong with me! And with him I say a lot of innuendos then I think why the hell did I say that... I never flirt that way. Anyways, on easter.. This is really slutty. :/ But I can't get the right advice if I don't tell the whole truth. All right. We traded full nude pictures (not close up, ew), and even sexted. When it was done, I said something about being nervous with him, and also said I never get nervous.. etc. ^^

 

I said, "Not that it means something... wait. But it doesn't mean nothing." He said, "I can make you feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet, and I can show you through my actions that I don't do something if it does't mean anything." That confused me. But then it was an awkward good night.

 

Has barely talked to me since. I see him post things and I msg him but no answer. I accidentally called him (butt dial) yesterday but I heard him answer without saying anything then hang up.

 

What did I do? :( I'm an idiot, I know.

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january2011

He may have taken your last communication as some kind of rejection and it made him feel foolish that he was doing all this because it meant something to him. Your reaction implies that it meant nothing to you.

 

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do if he won't talk to you. Though you could try one last message along the lines of feeling that you did something to hurt/offend him and want to talk to him to clear the air. However, if he doesn't respond, you can't exactly force him.

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purplepanda
He may have taken your last communication as some kind of rejection and it made him feel foolish that he was doing all this because it meant something to him. Your reaction implies that it meant nothing to you.

 

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do if he won't talk to you. Though you could try one last message along the lines of feeling that you did something to hurt/offend him and want to talk to him to clear the air. However, if he doesn't respond, you can't exactly force him.

 

Yeah, but I thought I made it clear that I did like him because I've told him a few times, and the fact that I texted him almost every day until now.. and that I said I only get nervous with guys I really really like. The reason why I blathered on about it not meaning something but meaning nothing, I tried to make it sound like I won't get attached now, but I guess I lied. :/ Didn't realize it at the time.

 

Just me trying to act cool when I'm SOOOO not.

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january2011
The reason why I blathered on about it not meaning something but meaning nothing, I tried to make it sound like I won't get attached now, but I guess I lied. :/ Didn't realize it at the time.

 

Just me trying to act cool when I'm SOOOO not.

 

I know there's a certain amount of game-playing in courtship rituals but this kind of push-pull can result in the miscommunication that you're experiencing right now. I suspect that he's taken your coolness to mean 'not interested'.

 

I think it's something to take forward for the next interaction with him or anyone else - try to be clear about how you feel, even if it means that you have to leave yourself a little bit vulnerable to do it. If you're interested, show it and be responsive. You don't have to bombard him with your emotions, but equally you don't have to hold back completely for fear of getting hurt.

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purplepanda
I know there's a certain amount of game-playing in courtship rituals but this kind of push-pull can result in the miscommunication that you're experiencing right now. I suspect that he's taken your coolness to mean 'not interested'.

 

I think it's something to take forward for the next interaction with him or anyone else - try to be clear about how you feel, even if it means that you have to leave yourself a little bit vulnerable to do it. If you're interested, show it and be responsive. You don't have to bombard him with your emotions, but equally you don't have to hold back completely for fear of getting hurt.

 

All right thank you!!! :)

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