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it's been a bumpy ride...but a ride nonetheless


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Old 28th March 2012, 5:23 PM   #1
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it's been a bumpy ride...but a ride nonetheless

in 2006, while in school, i started dating a girl i always had a crush on. long story short, we fell head over heels for each other. as time went on and as college came to an end...we ended up moving in together while i worked and she finished school. after i lost my job...our relationship seemed to hit a wall. i ran out of money to support myself and her and we both ended up moving to our hometowns...which were an hour and a half away. we stayed together during that time...but it was far from good...it was more forced than anything. we were very much in love, but i was afraid we were growing apart. we always wanted to move back to where we were comfortable...but it never happened. we always had alot on our plates given work, family and the distance between us. romance, spontaneity, intrigue and just overall togetherness, stuff we rocked at while we were together, were just not there. one night back in 2009, i got hammered and ended up cheating on her. the next day was the worst day of my life. i didnt have the heart to tell her what i did because i figured the way things were going, it would have meant the end of whatever is was we were hanging on to. i broke up with her out of sheer guilt of what i did. after we broke up...i wont lie, i had my fun being single. she dated someone briefly, as did i. i always wanted her back, but she didnt go for it. as time passed, she ended up getting engaged to her high school dude. we would actually stay in touch alot, which was good, because i think there is always a fire that burns inside of us for each other. i hid the fact that i was unfaithful to her for almost two and a half years. one day, just a few weeks ago, we had a very good conversation which led to her confessing she wanted to marry me and she was not happy with how things went. i could not lie to her anymore. i confessed what i did in hopes of setting her free, cause that is what you do when you love something right? if i had kept it in, maybe she would have broke her engagement off, but i still had that secret. and god dammit it would have eaten me up. i guess now that i finally got that out and open...its officially over. but rest assured...after i told her up to this point...i have been in the worst pain i have ever felt. i just want her to be happy but i am constantly beating myself up over this. is there hope? is there anything? i dont know what to do anymore.
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Old 28th March 2012, 5:46 PM   #2
 
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I am sorry for your pain. It maybe over since you two are starting lives of your own. There are stories about people who married different people, have children, then meet and marry later in life.

While that is going on, continue your life.
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