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What are signs that you are being played?


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Old 10th March 2012, 3:55 PM   #1
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What are signs that you are being played?

I am looking for tips from men as to how a woman can tell if she is being played.

There seems to be so many men that only want casual sex or FWB. I don't want that.

When I have sex with a man, it causes me to get attached to him. I have figured this out about myself, and I have decided that going forward I want to avoid having sex with a man unless I know he is interested in a real relationship.

But how do I know? I just turned 25. I have no problem meeting men that want to take me out, but not many want a serious, romantic relationship. I want to find someone that I can love fully. I want to let my guard down and express my sexuality and love freely, but I can't do this because I don't have much trust for what men say. I have found out that a lot of times men say what they have to say to get me to let my guard down. Then when I start to feel safe and attached, their words change.

I know most men my age don't want to settle down, and that is fine. I am trying to avoid those men, but it seems like they pretend to want a relationship, they seem all into me, say we are exclusive, and then after progressing to the sex stage their attention towards me fades away.

I'm not a clingy girl, if I notice them taking space I let them have it.

I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore.
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Old 10th March 2012, 4:12 PM   #2
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be very selective, leave at signs of pressure to have sex. also after you dated for a while be honest with them that you dont want to have sex until some sort of commitment or relationship is formed!
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Old 10th March 2012, 4:46 PM   #3
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One of the easiest indicators is when people blow hot and cold. It's an indication of being played or uncertainty. Either way, time to back off.
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Old 10th March 2012, 4:59 PM   #4
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My last boyfriend said that we were committed. After a two months of dating and him treating me well, we had sex. After another month, he stopped being as interested in me and didn't seem to like me as much.

When I asked him he said he felt like it was getting too serious too soon. I wasn't talking marriage or engagement or anything. I was still acting the same way, but the things he used to love- spending time together, talking to me on the phone- didn't seem as great to him anymore. He said I did nothing wrong and it was all him. I said how could it not be me- he used to love being with me- now he doesn't. What changed? He said I was perfect, he was who changed. He said I was perfect and that he knew he should want to be with me forever, and didn't know why he wanted that in the beginning but not now. WTF?

Any ideas on how to spot men who change like this? I've had a few. My mom says it's because I'm pretty with a perfect body and that makes men fall in love but it wears off quick. How can I find a man that likes me, my personality, my nature- in addition to the way I look?

I feel like they talk to me, spend time with me and trick me into thinking they really like me, all so that they eventually get to have sex with me. It makes me feel bad. I am real and talk to people to get to know them, for real, and I want men that want that, too. How do I know if they really like me, or are just trying to get me to like them, so that I will have sex?

I want to be married one day or at least be in long term relationship. It seems like most men don't want that now, they just want short relationships that don't progress to anything deeper.

I don't expect men to want to marry me just because we are sleeping together or in a relationship, but I at least want to feel like we have the same goals. That we are both in this because it has the potential to be long term.

If I am up front about what I want, and tell them that I am not into FWB or casual sex, why do they still go through the motions with me if I am not what they want? Why don't they just find a girl that is cool with FWB?
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Old 10th March 2012, 5:03 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia Wallace View Post
I am looking for tips from men as to how a woman can tell if she is being played.

There seems to be so many men that only want casual sex or FWB. I don't want that.

When I have sex with a man, it causes me to get attached to him. I have figured this out about myself, and I have decided that going forward I want to avoid having sex with a man unless I know he is interested in a real relationship.

But how do I know? I just turned 25. I have no problem meeting men that want to take me out, but not many want a serious, romantic relationship. I want to find someone that I can love fully. I want to let my guard down and express my sexuality and love freely, but I can't do this because I don't have much trust for what men say. I have found out that a lot of times men say what they have to say to get me to let my guard down. Then when I start to feel safe and attached, their words change.

I know most men my age don't want to settle down, and that is fine. I am trying to avoid those men, but it seems like they pretend to want a relationship, they seem all into me, say we are exclusive, and then after progressing to the sex stage their attention towards me fades away.

I'm not a clingy girl, if I notice them taking space I let them have it.

I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore.
Hi Mia,

I'm a few years older than you and have sadly dated numerous players (was really into bad boys). Some signs hes a player (hes texting other girls constantly/getting texts from them, he doesn't pay on the date and always wants you to spilt, he mostly just wants to hang out indoors and have sex, he is insanely sweet and goes overboard when you just start dating with nice texts..gestures...etc and the a month later starts ignoring you or flaking on dates).

Honestly easiest way to avoid a player is to wait to have sex...and no 3rd date is not waiting to have sex. I'm talking about straight up telling him you don't sleep around and need time to get to know him. Yes you may lose a lot of guys this way, but you didn't want them in the first place!
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Old 10th March 2012, 5:05 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Mia Wallace View Post
If I am up front about what I want, and tell them that I am not into FWB or casual sex, why do they still go through the motions with me if I am not what they want? Why don't they just find a girl that is cool with FWB?
Telling a player this will just make him want you more and seem like a challenge. They love the chase.
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Old 10th March 2012, 5:18 PM   #7
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The more attractive you are, the more frogs you'll end up kissing. It's an evolution of pattern building with each guy. The more you date and have relationships, the easier it is to see the signs of men worth investing in and others who aren't.

That said, if this has happened to you with most guys, it might be one of two issues or a combination of both:
  1. You're attracted to emotionally unavailable men which include players.
  2. You need to build more substance within you so after the sexual rush/infatuation stage has expired, it evolves to love with a friendship component.
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Old 10th March 2012, 5:46 PM   #8
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Some signs that you are being played are:
If he tells you that he is going to call you but never does,
If he is friends with a lot of other guys who are players,
If he takes really good care of his appearance, more so than other guys would.
If he is very athletic and spends a lot of time at the gym,
If he flirts a lot with other women in front of you,
If he is really socialble and likes to throw parties,
If it feels like he could care less about you and you are the one that is doing all the work in the relationship
And if he invites you over and you don't sleep with him and then afterwards he avoids you.
These are just some, but the most obvious I can think of.
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Old 10th March 2012, 5:58 PM   #9
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If you are dating a man who doesn't want a relationship, but wants sex, and is honest about that, you aren't being "played," which doesn't mean "whenever a woman doesn't get what she wants from a man." It's your responsibility to withhold sex until you are relatively sure you and the man are on the same page with respect to expectations and desires for the future.
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Old 10th March 2012, 6:00 PM   #10
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Quote:
I am looking for tips from men as to how a woman can tell if she is being played.
Anything other than clarity and consistency of word and action is 'playing', whether intentional or incidental. Ersatz 'relationships' are a patent waste of time, IME.
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Old 10th March 2012, 6:15 PM   #11
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His words must match his actions - and his actions must match his word.

If they don't - then he's not worth your time or energy.

It takes a LONG while to see if he says what he means and means what he says... So don't step in with the sex before that long while gives you evidence that he's not a player.

You seem to want a man of character with a solid moral compass - good for you in knowing that at a young age.

Never settle!
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