Jane2011 Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Would you? Just wondering. I don't have anything to say about it. It just happens I'm talking to someone on OkCupid who's in a wheelchair, and I like him. I haven't met him in person yet, but I like his personality and think his pictures are reasonably cute (have to meet him in person to know if I'm really attracted). I've never even thought about whether I would or wouldn't date someone in a wheel chair. But I guess this means I'm open to it. What about you? Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Is he paralyzed from the waist down? Link to post Share on other sites
Tybalt Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 My mother has been in a wheelchair for almost 30 years, and my dad and she are still married. He has told me that he can't imagine life without her. Sure, adjustments have had to be made by all of us to accommodate her physical capacities, but she had four kids and I consider her the finest mother I could have ever have asked for, even if we didn't go camping or do extremely physical activities as a family. It is nice to have an open mind, and see a person's deeper qualities. That said, you have a right to like whatever you like, and if a physical infirmity causes you to be unattracted, then that is how it is. I tend to be more the "souls connecting despite outward appearances" type of person, but that's no better or worse than someone with other criteria for attraction. It sounds like you want to keep getting to know him, so why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Yes, I most certainly would. There would have to be a personality connection and physical attraction though. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I am too active but someone who was sedentary might be a good match for a handicapped person. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Yes I could. It all depends on the person. As for needing someone who's outdoorsy or "active"... people in wheel chairs can be quite active. This video shows a person who's parapalegic rock climbing. Let us not all forget the people in the paralympics. They are probably more fit than 90% of able bodied people. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 People in wheel chairs hiking and backpacking not in "urban parks". Un less you are indiana Jonesing through dense jungles or the high Tagia of Canada / Siberia the chair does not have to stop them. Let me ask people for a minute. Is all this talk of hiking ( :/ ) really the issue? Is not it just a little tiny bit about the stigma some people would attach to the person in the wheel chair. Have we not come that far since the world was a place that FDR had to hide his disability in? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I think that most people don't want to think of themselves as a "bad person". They straight out avoid admitting (even to themselves) that the bigger problem is that the wheelchair itself bothers them. It's like men saying that they want their partner to lose weight for "health reasons". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane2011 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 Is he paralyzed from the waist down? Yeah, I think so. I believe that's what it says on his OkCupid profile (I haven't brought it up in our messages to each other). I don't want to check now because that would mean logging in and making it obvious i am just sitting home on a Friday night. lol... Anyway, honestly, I wonder if it means I can't have sex with him. I mean, if it ever came to that. I really do wonder if I could ever have sex with the guy. I asked my friend the other day, and she laughed and never gave me an answer (we got distracted talking about something else). Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 the sex life is what would concern me most, tbh. I don't want to be on top ALL the time, which is what I'm envisioning. If I was already in love and my man became wheelchair bound, I wouldn't leave him for it. But if it was a newbie, I'd take pause. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane2011 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 My mother has been in a wheelchair for almost 30 years, and my dad and she are still married. He has told me that he can't imagine life without her. Sure, adjustments have had to be made by all of us to accommodate her physical capacities, but she had four kids and I consider her the finest mother I could have ever have asked for, even if we didn't go camping or do extremely physical activities as a family. It is nice to have an open mind, and see a person's deeper qualities. That said, you have a right to like whatever you like, and if a physical infirmity causes you to be unattracted, then that is how it is. I tend to be more the "souls connecting despite outward appearances" type of person, but that's no better or worse than someone with other criteria for attraction. It sounds like you want to keep getting to know him, so why not? I agree. I do see myself loving someone in a wheel chair. Years ago, when I was in a long-term relationship, my boyfriend got very, very sick for about three weeks. There were some physical changes involved in his illness, and I remember thinking that I would want to be with him even if he was deformed (we weren't sure if he was going to get better). I was really in love with him and would have stayed no matter what. And I know "when you met" matters sometimes. Often we can stay with someone who's handicapped or deformed/what-have-you if we met them when they weren't. But I don't know...I think maybe I'm capable the other way, too. Maybe. Not sure yet. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Jane, I would seriously take a look at your long term sexual needs. If he can get it up (many who are wheelchair bound can, with or without RX drug), you would still have to be on top all the time, he may not be able to comfortably go down on you...you'd lose a lot of spontaneity... not saying these things as negatives--they are negatives for ME, but not necessarily for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I don't want to check now because that would mean logging in and making it obvious i am just sitting home on a Friday night. lol... Or you have the OkCupid app. Just log in!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane2011 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 Jane, I would seriously take a look at your long term sexual needs. If he can get it up (many who are wheelchair bound can, with or without RX drug), you would still have to be on top all the time, he may not be able to comfortably go down on you...you'd lose a lot of spontaneity... not saying these things as negatives--they are negatives for ME, but not necessarily for someone else. I know. You're right. I feel like I'm on precarious ground here, because it would be sad for me to hurt the guy. As in, meet him, get to know him, have him like me (and me him), yet...me still long for a guy who's not in a wheel chair. Already in my mind, I've thought...no matter what, I'm going to be remembering the last guy I was with who was not in a wheel chair and was fun in bed. Sex is very important to me. And I have had plenty of good frames of reference for good sexual experiences. If I could only have sex with him in a chair with me on top, it would not live up... But it's sad to me because he's got a great personality and is worth my while. He has an interesting job (to me). He's a rehab counselor and social worker. I like guys who have jobs like that. Public servant individuals. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 How about this. You can get to know him, like him and if the sex is just awful then you end it. Why assume he can't perform without an audition first? (Isn't that part of the point of dating to figure out sexual and other incompatibilities?) Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 If I have been harsh earlier sorry. My father lost his sight and while it's been difficult my mother has stuck with him. I guess I shouldn't judge others by that standard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane2011 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 If I have been harsh earlier sorry. My father lost his sight and while it's been difficult my mother has stuck with him. I guess I shouldn't judge others by that standard. I don't think you were all that harsh. At any rate, the social stigma doesn't bother me. Being in a wheel chair is not anything shameful or weird at all. A good personality is a good personality. Wheel chairs don't stop people from being appealing. I think my sex life wouldn't be that great, though...but like you said, maybe I should wait and see. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Yeah, I think so. I believe that's what it says on his OkCupid profile (I haven't brought it up in our messages to each other). I don't want to check now because that would mean logging in and making it obvious i am just sitting home on a Friday night. lol... Anyway, honestly, I wonder if it means I can't have sex with him. I mean, if it ever came to that. I really do wonder if I could ever have sex with the guy. I asked my friend the other day, and she laughed and never gave me an answer (we got distracted talking about something else). If he can't have sex then it would suck for you. I would date a girl in a wheel chair, but if she can't have sex then it would stink. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 How about this. You can get to know him, like him and if the sex is just awful then you end it. Why assume he can't perform without an audition first? (Isn't that part of the point of dating to figure out sexual and other incompatibilities?) I agree with this. There is no particular reason not to give him a chance, as you would any other man. Personally, I would date a man in a wheelchair if I were attracted to him. I met a man in a wheelchair once who was very...arresting. Charismatic, attractive, intelligent, whoo. I would have gone out with him in a heartbeat. Sex might become an issue long-term but on the other hand, it might not. No completely able-bodied man comes with a certificate of sexual compatibility, either. Might as well check out the lay of the land, pun intended. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I have a disabled friend. She actually said that the worst thing people can do is treat her like she is fragile and like she can't handle being hurt emotionally. She is just like anybody else. She knows that being hurt/dumped is a normal part of life. In fact, because of her disability she is probably more resilient than most. Just give him a go like any other man you would date. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) I think that most people don't want to think of themselves as a "bad person". They straight out avoid admitting (even to themselves) that the bigger problem is that the wheelchair itself bothers them. It's like men saying that they want their partner to lose weight for "health reasons". I don't think a person is bad because they have expectations in their life partner, honestly. You get out of life what you give. If you don't give ****, you're not getting **** back. A pessimist will not find anything to be optimistic about, and a person who doesn't do anything to improve upon their situation shouldn't complain when people who DO care enough want someone with a similar mindset. If a guy's physically healthy and puts effort into improving himself, there's no reason why he shouldn't prefer someone who is likewise. Same with someone who can use their legs. It's personal choice. I am not attracted to unhealthy females. I would rather not someday raise children who have a pre-disposition to obesity.. I can sympathize with someone who can't help it, but there's truly no way for me to know what a stranger's situation is, and it's not expected of me, a total stranger, to go out of my way to find out, because the outside usually reflects the inside, when it comes to weight, at least. If you have no mental self control and cannot control your weight, that's mentally and physically unhealthy. I know that there are exceptions, but it's the general idea. If they want change badly enough, they'll do something about it. OP, the guy sounds great. If you're already thinking about how you'd be fantasizing about past lovers who had legs that worked, just do him a big favor and remain nothing more than friends. It'd save you both a lot of heartache and time. Edited February 11, 2012 by ScreamingTrees Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I don't think I could deal with it, but who really knows until you meet someone you gel with that happens to be in a wheelchair. I've surprised myself before. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) Are you kidding? Look at it from a womans perspective. Instead of having to have sex she could do tons of other stuff she would much rather want to do than to waste time on sex with this guy. Most women would be relieved if their guy couldn't have sex. It would be a huge weight lifted off their shoulders. To most women sex is a constant source of anxiety in a relationship, they hate it but they will have to do it from time to time because no man will want to stay in a sexless relationship. What women you been talking to? My last two girls friends wanted it just as much as I did. One of them one time we had sex orgasims 7 times versus my 2 orgasims. The most I ever had as a man during one session of sex was 3 orgasims in a hour. I wish I could have 7. After a while a women would want to have sex if they are in a sexless relationship. Women want to have sex too. I hear women complain all the time that their men aren't interested in having sex with them cause they rather watch porn or they are not interested at all because they are really having sex with someone else, but the women doesn't know it. You seem not to like sex much. Is sex that bad for you? That the impression I got from you on another thread. Below is what the OP stated. Sex does seem to matter to her or she would not bring up the subject in this thread. Sex is very important to me. And I have had plenty of good frames of reference for good sexual experiences. If I could only have sex with him in a chair with me on top, it would not live up... I think my sex life wouldn't be that great Edited February 11, 2012 by Soxfaninfl Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I would, but depending on the circumstances, I like r/ships to be as equal as possible, if he were very disabled I wouldn't want it to be like I'm his carer to a big extent, to a small extent is fine if he could care for me in other ways as well, this doesn't apply if it's someone I am already in love with who becomes disabled, I wouldn't abandon my partner if he became disabled. The main thing for me would be how independent he is, the extent of his disabilities, how limited he is, being in a wheelchair doesn't (necessarily) mean being incapable at all. Ability to be able to be intimate would matter to me, not sure I could give up a sex life and cuddles etc to be with someone new who is disabled (again, that wouldn't apply if my current partner were unable to 'perform'). I thought I'd be able to answer a straight 'yes' to this, because personality has always been more important to me than physical factors, but I'm ashamed to say it would dependent on how disabled he is. From what you've said, it sounds promising Would you? Just wondering. I don't have anything to say about it. It just happens I'm talking to someone on OkCupid who's in a wheelchair, and I like him. I haven't met him in person yet, but I like his personality and think his pictures are reasonably cute (have to meet him in person to know if I'm really attracted). I've never even thought about whether I would or wouldn't date someone in a wheel chair. But I guess this means I'm open to it. What about you? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Agree totally with this! I have a disabled friend. She actually said that the worst thing people can do is treat her like she is fragile and like she can't handle being hurt emotionally. She is just like anybody else. She knows that being hurt/dumped is a normal part of life. In fact, because of her disability she is probably more resilient than most. Just give him a go like any other man you would date. Link to post Share on other sites
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