Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Ok. So a few years ago she convinced me to spend $12,000 on her, and was cheating at the same time. When I caught her practically red handed with hotel receipts she lied, and lied, and lied. We lived together and she used the full extent of the legal system to make sure I could not even get underwear by making false allegations. Now she sends me this email "Hey, I'm sorry this is coming so late, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry. Please know that I have no alternative motive or intent by this email, and id prefer that you not reply. I just wanted to make sure that you know. Why now? I got a small bit of a conscience back that I lost, that's all. Also sorry that you even have to get an email like this. " How the hell am I supposed to feel about this? I'm engaged to someone who I really love... and who really loves me. I announce my engagement and within 1 month I get this email. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Let it go and move on. Just cherish the knowledge you know have from those past experiences. Alternatively, you can leave flaming bags of dog poo at her door. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Why is she asking you not to reply? So you won't make her feel more guilty? I'd be so tempted to give her a piece of my mind if I were you, but ideally you should not. Who knows why she's sending this now? Maybe she heard you got engaged! Hopefully she won't stir any more trouble now. So, try not to reply. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Maybe she's in a 12-step program. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Tell her youd take her phony empty tardy excuse for an apology and wipe your fiances ass with it, but its not worth the effort. Tell her that an apology years later means she is lying again about her conceince, and she should hang herself. As much as people would tell you to take the high road, you can do so but still make her feel bad. This apology is as hollow as her head. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 OP, here's my take... It's electrons. If she had really meant it, balls to bones, she would have apologized in person, face to face. TBH, based on what I know of your history, she should be a zero now. Navel lint. Congratulations on your betrothal and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Her cash flow must have dipped into the red. Just take it for what it is, more manipulation on her part. Someone who would do something as outrageous as milking a guy she was cheating on for 12 grand will never suddenly grow a conscience and become a good person. It just doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
RonChalant Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 She clearly said she'd rather you not reply so I think your looking to deep into it. She was just apologizing from what I can tell, I don't think she's looking for anything from it. Send her a reply that says "I appreciate the apology, I hope you have been well" and leave it at that Link to post Share on other sites
Onlyjonley Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Don't even give it a second thought. You've moved on --keep it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Eh. It's a guilty conscience. She's probably having one of those days where she is wondering what could have been had she not messed it all up. I've had those days before too. I've been tempted to send an apology e-mail but before I hit send something always tells me to just let the sleeping dog lie. He doesn't want me, I don't want him, I already put him through enough pain I don't need to reopen old wounds just to clear my conscience. And your post is proving that little voice is right. Just leave it go. She said don't reply back so don't reply back. Pretend like you've never seen it. She may not even know if you check that e-mail anymore and read it. Sleeping dogs are best left lying. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I've been hoodwinked pretty good by a girl I cared a lot about before too Untouchable, and I know there's always a desire to go back into that situation and try to regain the respect and position of power I lost. Honestly though, once you've lost the respect of a girl to the point where she will cheat on you while your spending 5 figures on here you can't win anything back, you will only set yourself up for more defeat and humiliation if you buy into her bogus story and get involved with her again on any level. So just enjoy the good woman you have now and let Ms. So Sorry find some other guy to play with. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Eh. It's a guilty conscience. She's probably having one of those days where she is wondering what could have been had she not messed it all up. I've had those days before too. I've been tempted to send an apology e-mail but before I hit send something always tells me to just let the sleeping dog lie. He doesn't want me, I don't want him, I already put him through enough pain I don't need to reopen old wounds just to clear my conscience. And your post is proving that little voice is right. Just leave it go. She said don't reply back so don't reply back. Pretend like you've never seen it. She may not even know if you check that e-mail anymore and read it. Sleeping dogs are best left lying. I agree. I wish this site had a "like" button She would take a reply. She said that to make you feel you have the power. It's good if you can forgive her, but I wouldn't trust anything she said. Whatever her intentions are it doesn't matter. At least you got an apology! As for me I'd promptly mark her e-mail address as SPAM and be done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I think she's feeling a bit guilty for what she did to you, and is trying to ease her conscience. Or maybe she thinks it will soften the animosity you have for her a bit. I would suggest sending her a return Email and saying that you accept her apology for the hurt that she caused, but you are still waiting for reimbursement to start on that $12,000 you loaned her for the boob job. Once she reimburses you in full for the loan, you will consider the matter over and done with. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 After all the experiences you had, why are you getting married dude? Are you a sado-masochist? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 I'm not going to reply at all. Up to that email I was really thinking that it's forgiven and forgotten. Now I know that it still pisses me off. Honestly I could care less about the money. The big thing is that she made me feel crazy for 3 months. I caught her spending the night at his house.... she lied her way out. I caught her having dinner with him... she lied her way out. She bought room service for two at a hotel using a credit card I had on file there... she lied her way out. It's over 2 years ago... and this still burns my ass. Even now she can't actually SAY what she is apologizing for. This is the type of woman that says cheaters are the worst people and would never do that... blah, blah, blah. I don't understand Why can't she admit what she did? Why apologize 2 years later? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Eh. It's a guilty conscience. She's probably having one of those days where she is wondering what could have been had she not messed it all up. I've had those days before too. I've been tempted to send an apology e-mail but before I hit send something always tells me to just let the sleeping dog lie. He doesn't want me, I don't want him, I already put him through enough pain I don't need to reopen old wounds just to clear my conscience. And your post is proving that little voice is right. Just leave it go. She said don't reply back so don't reply back. Pretend like you've never seen it. She may not even know if you check that e-mail anymore and read it. Sleeping dogs are best left lying. Hmmm... You think maybe she broke up with the guy she was cheating with? I know they were together still in last August. The guy was about 16 years older... and had slept with nearly half the women on her team. The guy was a complete manwhore and a recreational cocaine user. He really seemed to be turning over a new leaf with her though. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Like the other poster, my first thought was that she might be in a 12 step program. One of the steps is to "make amends." This certainly is more for the sake of the amend maker than for the receiver. It's in the interests of getting the person to take accountability. I know that doesn't make you feel any better … I don't think you are supposed to feel any way. I believe you've made a lot of progress from the place you were left by your experiences with that relationship. so I hope this message doesn't trigger your fears. Best case? I guess would be for you to feel no desire or interest in communicating back with her, thinking to yourself something like "well, I'm glad she seems to be joining the human race; I hope she has a good life, and I'm so happy that's all behind me and I'm in a good relationship with a woman I love and respect & who returns that to me." Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 "I don't understand Why can't she admit what she did? Why apologize 2 years later? " That's why I recommend blocking her address. It's not even worth wondering, even though I know that's hard to ignore. I think she is a liar and is trying to play with your head again. This woman is toxic to you. Even if she has changed or whatever, she invokes negative emotions. Life is too short for that junk and you wasted enough time on her in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 I thought about it... and she did have a substance abuse issue. Maybe it is a 12 step program. But more likely... I think she broke up with her boytoy... or that cheaters high women get is wearing off. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Hmmm... You think maybe she broke up with the guy she was cheating with? I know they were together still in last August. The guy was about 16 years older... and had slept with nearly half the women on her team. The guy was a complete manwhore and a recreational cocaine user. He really seemed to be turning over a new leaf with her though. If she had a substance abuse problem and she came to her senses there's a good possibility that she decided to trash everything that was the old her. Including the boyfriend. Or maybe she is still with the boyfriend but just did some growing up and realized she treated you horribly and feels bad about it. I don't think it really matters though. You've moved on. You should keep it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 If she had a substance abuse problem and she came to her senses there's a good possibility that she decided to trash everything that was the old her. Including the boyfriend. Or maybe she is still with the boyfriend but just did some growing up and realized she treated you horribly and feels bad about it. I don't think it really matters though. You've moved on. You should keep it that way. If she still pisses me off... does that mean I havn't moved on? I don't want her in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 If she still pisses me off... does that mean I havn't moved on? I don't want her in any way. Yes. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 If she still pisses me off... does that mean I havn't moved on? I don't want her in any way. Well she hurt you pretty badly. I think it's normal that if she tries to insert herself in your life again like she just did that you're still going to feel a sting. You don't want her back. You're happy with your new fiance, right? Do you still think about her daily? Are you still bitter whenever you think about her? Or only when she does something stupid like she just did? Just because someone's moved on doesn't mean they've forgotten them or the pain. It means that they've dealt with it and are living their lives on their own terms again. We can't just erase memories and bad experiences but we deal with them. It's all we can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I don't think it means you haven't moved on. Old feelings flare up. She treated you horribly. I have long ago forgiven someone for how they treated me years ago. But once in a while, I still get upset about those experiences. They were sincere in their apology to me and we were both very young at the time. I am able to have a relationship (non romantic) with this person and move on from it. Doesn't mean I forget what happened or that those things don't sometimes still hurt. But I have forgiven that person and forgive myself for sometimes feeling hurt about it too. But this isn't the right course of action for you. I am just letting you know that relationships come all different ways.I agree that just moving on and not contacting her is a good game plan. Congrats on your future marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Forgive her in your heart and move on. My ex has never apologized but that is what I have decided to do for my own benefit. People like this are miserable and not happy so they hurt others. If she truly is trying to be a better person then just be happy she won't be hurting anybody else. She could be sincere. One of my exes friends who helped her screw me over apologized to my face and I still see her around. I can tell she is 100% sincere and we are always friendly when we speak. Just move on and be happy with your current life. Link to post Share on other sites
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