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One issue with making a man wait for sex


joystickd

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I keep seeing the threads about waiting for sex but have you ever thought that if a man wanted sex with you bad enough he would wait and the once he got what he wanted do what someone that got it on the first date would do. There are some men that would do that. It like I heard from someone once: If that man or woman wants something from you, they will "play the role" of your ideal companion for a while. Then, at some point, their true self will be revealed. And you will feel like you wasted a lot of valuable time (and money).

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If that man or woman wants something from you, they will "play the role" of your ideal companion for a while.
This is SOP for *some* people. When I use the phrase "thinking the relationship", this is the mindset I'm alluding to. In my mind I see it as them working it out like a mathematical problem. If I do X and Y, Z will result, based on the available data.

 

Then, at some point, their true self will be revealed.
This is the basis for the phrase I use which is "Time reveals all truths"

 

I've found the most important component of this process is also the easiest; listening. When the canary starts making choking sounds, don't give it the benefit of the doubt. Get out.

 

IMO, a woman can never 'make' a man wait for sex. She can, at any time and upon complete unilateral whim, withhold her sexuality from any man. He has complete and free will to do anything with that choice he wants. His health and intrinsic perspective will dictate his response. Each man is different, both in style and perspective. Some men make choices which end them in jail. Others make choices which result in becoming a 'doormat'. Others walk away. Life is about choices.

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You know what? I agree. There is no guarantee that making someone wait will ensure that they are in it for the right reasons. There are some men who are just dishonest like that.

 

But it works the other way too, maybe not in regards to sex, but in other areas. I think people will definitely use leverage to get what they want and bounce soon as they do get it.

 

I'd elaborate more, but I need to stop typing, my hand hurts lool.

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I've posted this before but every woman that made me wait either never had sex with me after months & then just jumped into bed with another guy & not even bother breaking up with me & using the excuse "it's different with him"

 

Of the one's that did have sex with me after months, we did it once & then they did the exact same thing the other women did.

 

also, those women had sex fairly quickly with all their past boyfriends. (less than a month of knowing them)

 

So if a woman tell's me she wants to wait, I tell her sex = exclusive & continue cruising match.com because 99.9% of the women out there never want to wait with a guy their attracted too.

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I think with me it is an issue of being sufficiently attractive enough to have sex within a more "reasonable" space of time. I'm not into the whole "No sex till marriage" thing, and while I have no problem with dating a girl who wants to wait a while, I am wary of girls that want to wait unless I am sure they are not just saying that to me because they aren't attracted and will sleep with the first guy who remotely attracts them more.

 

I feel that I just have to be better at being attractive and seductive so I don't have this happen to me.

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Oxy Moronovich

I agree with phineas. There are many women who will give you that "I wanna wait for sex" BS while screwing some other dude. I've had that happen to me a couple times before. That's one reason why I don't wanna wait for sex.

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Untouchable_Fire
I keep seeing the threads about waiting for sex but have you ever thought that if a man wanted sex with you bad enough he would wait and the once he got what he wanted do what someone that got it on the first date would do. There are some men that would do that. It like I heard from someone once: If that man or woman wants something from you, they will "play the role" of your ideal companion for a while. Then, at some point, their true self will be revealed. And you will feel like you wasted a lot of valuable time (and money).

 

It's possible... but a very low probability. Most Douchebags are not that patient.

 

Plus... even a guy that has bad intentions may change his mind once he gets to know her. I'd say the chances are just as high of that happening.

 

People value the things we put time and effort into. It's human nature. So forcing a guy to work for it provides the best probability of a positive outcome.

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It's possible... but a very low probability. Most Douchebags are not that patient.

 

Plus... even a guy that has bad intentions may change his mind once he gets to know her. I'd say the chances are just as high of that happening.

 

People value the things we put time and effort into. It's human nature. So forcing a guy to work for it provides the best probability of a positive outcome.

Douchebags can wait if they are having sex with another women.

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Douchebags can wait if they are having sex with another women.

Yep and, when a woman has met up with enough of these, the mere observance that a man is not immediately pursuing sex can impart an image in her mind that he's getting it elsewhere, even if his intentions are honorable and honest. Heard that directly enough to cause me to change my approach style from a prior natural setpoint.

 

Now I don't bother, neither with considering what women are thinking nor whether my style is 'right' or not. If we miss, we miss. Next, or none.

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First of all, it is not "making a man wait for sex." It is "the woman choosing to wait for sex." Do you see the difference? It's not a way of punishing the man, it's just the woman making a choice for herself.

 

When I get into a new relationship, I don't make the man wait, I choose to wait because I'm not ready to have sex with him yet. I'm not withholding anything from him, I'm not denying my sexuality, I'm not punishing him. It's not about him. It's about me and doing what's best for me. I don't do anything that makes me uncomfortable.

 

If that man or woman wants something from you, they will "play the role" of your ideal companion for a while.

 

No one can fake it for very long. If a guy just wanted sex, he wouldn't "play the role" of my boyfriend for 6 months (or longer). That would take a tremendous amount of time and effort on his part, and if it was just an act, it would become obvious to me long before I ever had sex with him.

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It's possible... but a very low probability. Most Douchebags are not that patient.

 

Plus... even a guy that has bad intentions may change his mind once he gets to know her. I'd say the chances are just as high of that happening.

 

People value the things we put time and effort into. It's human nature. So forcing a guy to work for it provides the best probability of a positive outcome.

 

Right, this is the idea of waiting. It's not just waiting for the sake of waiting though, or even to test patience. It's waiting to get to know him and see if he gets to know you.

 

Besides: Most of the time a woman gets dropped not long after sex aren't guys who are pathological *******s who will put on some huge facade to get her into bed. It's mostly extremely clear that the guy wants to have sex with her, and the woman assumes that he is also interested beyond that, which is an unknowable factor (possibly for both of them at that point, but certainly for her) because he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him.

 

It's not about "making" a guy wait. It's about investing in a relationship before taking it to that stage, assuming the woman is only interested in relationships and not just in casual sex or flings. Most men who are compatible and on the same page will have no problem waiting. Rarely, so will some VERY dogged, extremely pathological douchebags, but it's extremely difficult to be tricked by that type IF you spend enough time with them prior and watch for the signs.

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but, zengirl and cypress, it isn't all about you. that's the catch. it takes two people to make a relationship happen, not one giving the other what they want.

 

besides, whether the sex is on the second/third date or second/third month, women can't 'catch' men with sex. men simply aren't wired that way. not that it stops them from trying...

 

plus phineas' description is entirely accurate with many women. women string along men by denying them sex, while getting the male attention THEY desire. it happens all the time.

 

so the natural response for a man, as i've posted in other such threads, is to simply not play along. if the woman denies sex after a reasonable period of time, the man needs to deny her the attention she wants. and at that point the relationship is over.

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if the woman denies sex after a reasonable period of time, the man needs to deny her the attention she wants. and at that point the relationship is over.

 

I'll clarify that further... if/when I get to the point where the woman is pursuing intimacy and is seeking emotional support, validation and the receipt of 'romance', I consider her to be sufficiently intimate to have sexual relations if she's healthy. She trusts me enough with her 'stuff' to share herself with me in a way which meets my intimacy needs. If no go, we miss. Next.

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but, zengirl and cypress, it isn't all about you. that's the catch. it takes two people to make a relationship happen, not one giving the other what they want.

 

Dating can be a 2-way street without sex. When I'm dating someone, it's not just him giving me what I want. We're both giving to each other, it should be equal give and take. But for me, sex isn't part of that until we're in an exclusive relationship. Sex is not the only thing a woman can give, you know.

 

besides, whether the sex is on the second/third date or second/third month, women can't 'catch' men with sex.

 

I don't try to catch anyone with sex. I simply don't have sex until I'm ready. And that usually takes awhile. That's just who I am. If the guy thinks it's pointless to be with me without sex, then obviously I don't want to be with him.

 

plus phineas' description is entirely accurate with many women. women string along men by denying them sex, while getting the male attention THEY desire. it happens all the time.

 

Well, I'm not one of those women. I can't be held responsible for their actions.

 

so the natural response for a man, as i've posted in other such threads, is to simply not play along. if the woman denies sex after a reasonable period of time, the man needs to deny her the attention she wants. and at that point the relationship is over.

 

It was never a real relationship in the first place. It was just two people trying to manipulate each other. When both people truly care about each other, they don't need sex to hold them together. They want to be together because they genuinely like each other, and they understand that sex will come in time. They're still getting what they want, even before they have sex, because the relationship is its own reward. If the guy ONLY wants sex, then he doesn't want to be with me.

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I'll clarify that further... if/when I get to the point where the woman is pursuing intimacy and is seeking emotional support, validation and the receipt of 'romance', I consider her to be sufficiently intimate to have sexual relations if she's healthy. She trusts me enough with her 'stuff' to share herself with me in a way which meets my intimacy needs. If no go, we miss. Next.

 

yes, precisely.

 

the problem i have is these ME ME ME responses women give to this issue.

 

can they expect every man to wait indefinitely? no

can they expect every man to assume their pace? no

can men expect every woman he dates to have sex with him? no

can men expect every woman he dates to deny him sex until he provides everything she wants? no

 

somewhere in the middle there is a common ground, and if not there just isn't much potential. but as with all other things choices have consequences.

 

and for women who think denying men sex until they have a full laundry list of their other needs and requirements met is normal because it's THEIR idea, well, they're going to struggle to find compatible men, that's just the way it goes and that is their consequence.

 

and while i'm at it, those women are not allowed to call men 'commitment-phobes', ever, because that is precisely what they are doing, assuming they aren't doing what phineas mentioned (which, admittedly, is usually the case).

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Well, I'm not one of those women. I can't be held responsible for their actions.

 

well, i'm not one of those guys who lies to a woman to get sex then bails.

I guess that means I can stick my head in the sand & just dismiss their existence like you are.

 

Because like it pokes holes in my arguments. :)

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I've seen it happen where the guy will fake a relationship for a while so it can happen.

 

Everyone takes a different amount of time to become comfortable with another person. But waiting just to wait just seems wrong.

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So if a woman tell's me she wants to wait, I tell her sex = exclusive....

 

Is this not the most practical of philosophies for easing the tensions that may arise between sexually frustrated but well meaning suitors and the emotionally cautious men and women that they pursue?

 

There is nothing reproachable in a woman's (certainly, men can and have adopted the same strategy, but for illustrative purposes I choose to focus on the most commonly occurring configuration) decision to withhold sexual affection from her partner in the interest of sussing out the compatibility of their long-term intentions. By that same token, she must understand that her decision to abstain from sexual activity does not grant her a unilateral control over her pursuers sex life. It is not morally objectionable--nor is it necessarily an impediment to deepening the emotional connection between him and her--that he continue his sexual romps elsewhere until he has reached that level of intimacy with the woman in question.

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Is this not the most practical of philosophies for easing the tensions that may arise between sexually frustrated but well meaning suitors and the emotionally cautious men and women that they pursue?

 

There is nothing reproachable in a woman's (certainly, men can and have adopted the same strategy, but for illustrative purposes I choose to focus on the most commonly occurring configuration) decision to withhold sexual affection from her partner in the interest of sussing out the compatibility of their long-term intentions. By that same token, she must understand that her decision to abstain from sexual activity does not grant her a unilateral control over her pursuers sex life. It is not morally objectionable--nor is it necessarily an impediment to deepening the emotional connection between him and her--that he continue his sexual romps elsewhere until he has reached that level of intimacy with the woman in question.

in your perfect analogy that all makes sense, but in the real world most women who do so are the type phineas mentioned. they dangle that carrot to try to maintain control, and get the attention/affection they want while shopping for greener pastures.

 

and when confronted on the game they're playing they will blame the man they're denying sex/commitment to by accusing him of not being what they are looking for, as if it's his fault, almost without fail.

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in your perfect analogy that all makes sense, but in the real world most women who do so are the type phineas mentioned. they dangle that carrot to try to maintain control, and get the attention/affection they want while shopping for greener pastures.

 

and when confronted on the game they're playing they will blame the man they're denying sex/commitment to by accusing him of not being what they are looking for, as if it's his fault, almost without fail.

 

it is weird how these women just disappear once they realize you don't put the pussy on a pedestal & agree to being just friends.

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A lot of these women who dangle the sex carrot are also the ones who insist that porn is cheating/bad/immoral/etc.

 

They just want to (figuratively) have an iron grip on your balls, really.

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If that man or woman wants something from you, they will "play the role" of your ideal companion for a while. Then, at some point, their true self will be revealed. And you will feel like you wasted a lot of valuable time (and money).

This is the exactly the reason women should wait.

 

Time will tell if a man is truly the deal or not. sure, early sex make him reveal himself early, but ususally a man cannot hide that well for months. Risking your heart and body for a fake just not worth it.

 

If a man only aims for sex, then waiting for sex will filter this kind of men quickly.

 

If a man wants to know you well and has a future with you, he will wait.

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Eddie Murphy:

They can figure us out. Guys, don't get trapped.

We'll call them "pussy traps".

Let's call them pussy traps.

It's a trap.

They trap you with the pussy.

They catch you with the pussy, see.

And it's a trap.

 

The most common trap

is to not give you any, though.

Don't think, "Maybe you're

gonna put a trap on."

The most common is when you ain't

getting any at all, that's the trap.

When you meet a woman

and everything is perfect

and she won't do anything,

it's a trap.

 

Sometimes it backfires, because a lot

of women play these games with sex.

And ladies like sex just as much as we

do, guys, but they act like they don't.

But they do.

 

There's not a woman...

There's not a woman in this room

that wouldn't rather be somewhere

else with a nice stiff one in them.

Don't you let them fool you.

They like it just as much as us.

See, ladies sitting there going:

"That's true.

"He's funny, but he's not that funny.

"I'll take a dick over a smile any day.

Yes, I will."

 

They like it just as much as us,

but they play these games.

Know where it backfires

on you, ladies?

When you go meet a guy,

he wants you, you want him,

you like each other,

everything is perfect,

but you won't do anything.

He say, "Let's go."

You say, "No, I'm not gonna do it."

And after that,

he don't like you no more.

But he still wants to **** you.

So he waits.

He be like, "Okay, I'll wait.

"Goodnight."

 

And you wait.

You wait three months.

Then you finally get it

and she's like this, "I'm yours."

And you go, "**** you, bitch!"

"**** you and your pussy.

Get the **** out of my face."

 

Be careful. Don't get trapped.

The most common trap

is to not give you any.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4942-SJtjQ

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