my body is a cage Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 So, I'm in the midst of finals week. I saw the guy I'm seeing on Saturday, he spent the night. He called me Sunday night, but I said I couldn't hang out because I had finals. This is the first time he's called me to hangout the same day, I thought we were making progress. Had tenative plans to go to a specific event on Wednesday - I found out it was actually Tuesday, asked if he was free, he was not. I said ok what about Weds or Thus? He said sounds good. Yesterday I contacted him saying so today or tomorrow? Today might be better for me... he said tomorrow was better for him, I asked when he said late evening. Today, I chat him saying hey, he says hey there. I ask him when he's leaving town for the holidays, and saying I might have to stay in to work but would like to see him before the holidays. He doesn't reply, so I text him saying I dont know if you got my chat, but I think I have to stay in to do work. He writes me back a couple of hours later saying I leave on Tuesday, sorry I'm bad at responding super busy day at work! I said Ok I will let you know when finals are done. He said so not tonight then? Then I felt realllyy bad becaue i thought I had made it clear that I couldn't hang out tonight. I wrote him bakc saying I wish I could have but I already left the area, sorry if there was any confusion. And then: I woul dhave liked to see you but I'm super stressed so you would probably not have liked to see me, I should be done mid-weekend . Now I feel SUPER bad like I was rude/bailed on him. Then again, if he had been faster about responding to my texts I might have stuck around and waited... my question is, do you think something like this would be a deterrent? Do you think he's angry/ feels stood up? Link to post Share on other sites
CocoaBrown Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 If I were you I would pick up the phone and have an actual conversation. Make sure he knows you still want to see him, date or whatever it is you want. Things like this can easily be misunderstood and a conversation can clear it right up. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Can you imagine how expediently all of this could be handled, and likely building better intimacy at the same time, if both parties switched on the audio portion of their small handheld devices? No one is too busy for a brief phone call or, if they are, then they likely are too busy for a relationship. do you think something like this would be a deterrent? Do you think he's angry/ feels stood up? IDK, call him and ask him. His answer is the most accurate of any which will ever be provided. Myself, at the holidays, I hold no grudges. Everything is so nebulous and ever-changing. I just go with the flow and don't invest in the results. I learned that from being married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author my body is a cage Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 If I were you I would pick up the phone and have an actual conversation. Make sure he knows you still want to see him, date or whatever it is you want. Things like this can easily be misunderstood and a conversation can clear it right up. Ugh I don't want to overdo it though if everything is ok. I said I wish I could have and that it would have liked to see him but he probably wouldn't have liked to see me because i'm super stressed and I should be free later this weekend, is that not enough? I guess I'm afraid to call him because I feel iffy about how he feels about me in the first place... he was very vague with plan making this entire week ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author my body is a cage Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 Also for the record I plan on calling him as soon as I am done with finals. Link to post Share on other sites
CocoaBrown Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Ugh I don't want to overdo it though if everything is ok. I said I wish I could have and that it would have liked to see him but he probably wouldn't have liked to see me because i'm super stressed and I should be free later this weekend, is that not enough? I guess I'm afraid to call him because I feel iffy about how he feels about me in the first place... he was very vague with plan making this entire week ... You said you're going to call him after finals....I would call him NOW! It won't take much. Just a "Hey I wanted to give you a quick call and make sure you know I wasn't ditching you. It was a total misunderstanding. Oh, you aren't bothered by it? Great! So, what are we gonna do next time we see each other? I'm looking forward to it." I say it's better to do it now then let it sit because if he is upset he will know you care. You not calling and knowing for sure either way won't change anything. If he's iffy about you altogether you really have nothing to lose. I personally think texting can make you feel that way sometimes. Pick up the phone girl! Link to post Share on other sites
CocoaBrown Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Can you imagine how expediently all of this could be handled, and likely building better intimacy at the same time, if both parties switched on the audio portion of their small handheld devices? No one is too busy for a brief phone call or, if they are, then they likely are too busy for a relationship. I agree!!! I have a love/hate relationship with texting. Yes it's easy to do when you are in a rush and just need to tell someone something really quick, but soooooooooooo many people think it can take the place of an actual phone call. WRONG! There is nothing like hearing someone's voice ESPECIALLY when dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author my body is a cage Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 Pick up the phone girl! Ugh but what if he's pissed and doesn't answer? Or is not pissed and doesn't answer? I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it already is... Thanks for the advice, btw Link to post Share on other sites
CocoaBrown Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Ugh but what if he's pissed and doesn't answer? Or is not pissed and doesn't answer? I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it already is... Thanks for the advice, btw :lmao: OMG GIRL! You already are making a big deal about it! lol I'm laughing at you because unfortunately you're overthinking things which is making this harder then it needs to be and I DO THE SAME THING! lol I have driven myself crazy before wondering what if this and what if that when in reality nothing will change if you don't pick up the phone! If he doesn't answer leave a message. If he's pissed just say what you need to say. It's ok....You can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author my body is a cage Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 ok after sending two very apologetic text messages that he did not respond to on thurs - the plans were made by text so i figure that was ok - i called him today around 7 30 and he didnt't answer but im not sure if the call went through. i wanted to tell him I would be done with finals tomorrow, so we could hang out then. i called him again at 9 30 and he did not ansewr, so i texted him with a simple "hey ___" no response yet. do you think there could be any chance he's avoiding me? sometimes he is very slow with texts/ does not respond at all, that's why i was so frustrated earlier in the week. do you think that he could be mad that i canceled plans? isn't finals a legitimate excuse? everyone was fine last weekend, we hung out saturday, he made a reference to being in my room many times in the future, he called me sunday night... he even told me to call him as soon as i was done with work... is it possible he is trying to avoid me now because of being clingy about plan makiing during finals? or canceling? what should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 This is exactly why I hate dating around the holidays, people have plans and leave town or if they're a student then it's finals week with papers. The last time I dated a grad student around this time, things got screwed up really bad. She had canceled our date via text twice and the second time it was me leaving the door for our date. For which I thought she was deliberately blowing me off. Had she called me to explain I would have understood, but never did. Between x-mas and new year's we had sent a few messages back and forth to clarify the situation and misunderstanding/miscommunication, but by then the damage was done and I had already moved on to someone new. Sometimes things like these can't be salvaged. You've tried your best, I think you should move on. If he wants to see you again he will contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
Frogwife Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I'm curious as to why you sent an "apologetic" text... what are you apologizing for? From what I'm reading, you had tentative plans - not firm plans - and when you got the correct day he wasn't available. You told him the days you weren't available. You ask to meet him before the holidays, and he doesn't reply and then you're repeatedly calling and texting with no response. As others have stated - just drop it. He doesn't appear to be interested and if he *is* interested, is this the kind of interest you want? A guy that's this sporadic with communication or gets that fussy over something very small? (For the sake of argument, let's pretend that's what he's doing.) I am a firm believer that no one is too busy for a 20-second response to a text message, *if* they are interested. It is perplexing when you have a great time with someone and it just fizzles for no apparent reason - it's probably happened to everyone here, myself included. It's disappointing but it's even more disappointing when you spend time anguishing over something that's just not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Heed frogwife s advice. It certainly doesn't make a good relatonship if you have to walk on eggshells to please him Link to post Share on other sites
CocoaBrown Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 ok after sending two very apologetic text messages that he did not respond to on thurs - the plans were made by text so i figure that was ok - i called him today around 7 30 and he didnt't answer but im not sure if the call went through. i wanted to tell him I would be done with finals tomorrow, so we could hang out then. i called him again at 9 30 and he did not ansewr, so i texted him with a simple "hey ___" no response yet. do you think there could be any chance he's avoiding me? sometimes he is very slow with texts/ does not respond at all, that's why i was so frustrated earlier in the week. do you think that he could be mad that i canceled plans? isn't finals a legitimate excuse? everyone was fine last weekend, we hung out saturday, he made a reference to being in my room many times in the future, he called me sunday night... he even told me to call him as soon as i was done with work... is it possible he is trying to avoid me now because of being clingy about plan makiing during finals? or canceling? what should i do? Hmmm yeah at this point leave him alone. Like another person mentioned if he was interested he would take the time to text you and at least let you know what's going on. Even if he was upset, he should have been able to get over it by now. Busy yourself with other things and don't try to contact him again. Put your effort into someone else. It's hard to do when you like someone but if it's meant to be he will contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
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