Hot Girl, Oneitis Guy at Work and me

[Castillo]

Hi,

 

I'd like some advice on how to handle a delicate situation at work.

 

I work with a guy who feels the need to put down myself and other men and try to be the alpha male in the team. This comes in the forms of insults and lately more subtle digs.

He was best mates with my line manager - with whom I had integrity issues with and whistleblew my line manager for fraud. My line manage has resigned and its been discovered that he defrauded the organisation out of $50,000.

Despite this, this guy still maintains a personal friendship with my ex line manager.

 

This guy is about 5ft 6 and moderately overweight. I believe that he may have been bullied at school and feels that he need to "get in their first" and put other men around him down. He plays in a band and is always bragging about it.

However he has a very charming side and likes to consider himself a ladies man with the girls at work.

 

Now here's the problem, there is a very beautiful girl at work that he has been pursuing for about 3 years - I spoke of her in a previous post a while back flirting with me. I beleive he's stuck in the friendzone and I think she knows that he's deeply besotted with her and gets off on the power of it.

 

She loves attention from men and is very flirtatious with many men within the organisation to which I've noticed he takes a dislike to those men.

 

Recently I've been working alongside her on a project at another site and she been doing a lot of flirting and trying to get my attention to which I've only mildly gone along with just to be polite.

 

Whilst the girl is beautiful and I'd love to bang her if I had the chance, I think this guy has emotionally invested so much in this girl that it would wreck the already rocky working relationship I have with him.

 

I feel that he is threatened if I have any contact with this girl whatsoever so I try and keep her at arms length, but I think this maybe backfiring presenting a challenge to her.

 

I just want a calm, peaceful time at work. Any ideas on how to handle this?

 

Don't tell me to goto HR about this because they are useless.

[smudge21]

"bang her"... hmm, classy!

 

Anyway, the problem you have here is that if you tell this girl no and make it clear you're not interested, she'll take that as a blow to her ego; which she won't be used to, and which in turn may lead to her making more effort to get you. It will be a challenge; a challenge she's not used to. Now eventually you will give in, you're only human. So how do you stay close but without removing clothes? Well, just be around her as she is with you. Keep it 50/50. She flirts, you flirt. She's quiet, you're quiet. Basically niether of you get the upperhand and neither of you take charge of the situation.

 

As for this guy... why do you care? Has he got some power over you that could mean the end of your job? Do you think your company would even take the complaint of "he got with the girl I couldn't date" as a legitimate reason to fire someone? From what you describe he sounds like a tool who everybody just humours, so just deal with him as you have been doing and concentrate on the lady in question.

 

You could of course start dating someone else, or even let slip that you've met someone, just to put her off and him at ease. Have you tried telling the girl that she needs to put this guy straight?

[Castillo]

Hi Smudge,

 

Firstly, I think it's all just a game for this girl and I don't feel that she is genuinely interested in me.

 

Even if I was wrong and she is interested in me, thinking with my head and not something else would I want to get with a girl who needs attention from other men unless it's a ONS. She 30 yrs old never really knew her father as he died when she was very young and has a very childlike personality at times where she talks in all types of different voices. I suspect she may have histrionic personality disorder.

 

The guy and his line manager still maintain a friendship with my ex line manager. His line manager will shortly become my line manager too.

I am due to make a statement to the police regarding my ex line managers fraud.

 

It's all lot of drama that I don't want. I've basically become very quiet at work to try and avoid crap, but it seems to find me every time.

 

I'll be looking to get the hell out of next year and hope it's not too difficult to find another job.

[smudge21]

The more you tried to avoid crap in life, the more it seeks you out.

 

I guess all you really can do is be open and honest with people. Talk to them straight and sent the boundaries. I hate when people think that work is life. Work is a means to an end, a way to have a life and afford doing the things you really want to do. With that said, you should enjoy work as best you can and it shouldn't bring you down.

 

I'd speak to both parties in person and just make them aware you're not doing this or that. Let them have their little fun but leave you out of it.

[Feelsgoodman]

Sometimes you have to be an @sshole when dealing with people...this is a prime example of such a situation. This guy was bullied as a kid, you say? It wouldn't be hard to turn his insecurities against him. Make fun of him for being fat, start joking about him having a crush on the hot girl...Basically, you need to show him that he is a nobody.

 

Also, you say he's a dick to other coworkers too? Then your work is cut out for ya. Get other coworkers involved in mocking the guy - i.e. make jokes about him, ostracize him, etc. Hopefully, he will just quit the job. And if he does not, at least he will be isolated and won't annoy you as much.