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After sex, when should he text or call?


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Old 7th December 2011, 12:01 AM   #1
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After sex, when should he text or call?

You've been on three great dates and had sex on the third date. You left his apartment afterwards and didn't spend the night.

Do you guys contact a girl the day after the first bang if you intend to hit it again? There are definitely different schools on this, and I'm curious what you guys--especially the more experienced among you--do and, of course, what your rationale is behind it.

I've generally subscribed to the I-can-now-show-a-little-bit-softness school and send a quick, silly, or light-teasing text the next day related to something we did or talked about the previous night. The rationale is that it will evaporate any creeping awkwardness in her head and secure her for future escapades.

The other side of that coin is that it's better to keep her wondering for a day or two and then drop a line for maximum effect. Contacting her so immediately conveys, at best, a relationshipy vibe or, worse, a needy, beta vibe.

Ladies, what do you prefer?

Thoughts?
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Old 7th December 2011, 12:49 AM   #2
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Ladies, what do you prefer?
I prefer a guy who genuinely likes me and wants to be with me, not a manipulative jerk who just wants to "hit it." And that's why I don't have sex on the 3rd date.
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:01 AM   #3
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I prefer a guy who genuinely likes me and wants to be with me, not a manipulative jerk who just wants to "hit it." And that's why I don't have sex on the 3rd date.
Good for you, but many women (most nowadays) will give up the P in the hopes of getting the R with a high value guy.

The fear is if she doesn't put out, he'll move on to someone who will. Particularly if he seems like a guy with options.

It's a buyer's market for high value guys.

How long do you wait?
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:04 AM   #4
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"Secure her for future escapades"? Yuck.

The sad truth is, I suspect, that you are completely overwhelmed with love for this girl and incapacitated by your emotions. So, whenever you contact her, you are likely to convey a very desperate, hopeful, "relationshipy" and most certainly omega vibe. It's probably best that you let her move on to dating some real men who have something to offer her. For maximum effect.
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:06 AM   #5
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OP, can you post here using regular English and your own words rather than PUA cliches and cut and pasted articles from their bastions of wisdom?

In this case, your "first bang" will also be your last.
Thanks.

Last edited by Mme. Chaucer; 7th December 2011 at 1:08 AM..
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:12 AM   #6
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"Secure her for future escapades"? Yuck.

The sad truth is, I suspect, that you are completely overwhelmed with love for this girl and incapacitated by your emotions. So, whenever you contact her, you are likely to convey a very desperate, hopeful, "relationshipy" and most certainly omega vibe. It's probably best that you let her move on to dating some real men who have something to offer her. For maximum effect.
Whoa, you've got me all figured out!
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:26 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by spinaroonie View Post
You've been on three great dates and had sex on the third date. You left his apartment afterwards and didn't spend the night.

Do you guys contact a girl the day after the first bang if you intend to hit it again? There are definitely different schools on this, and I'm curious what you guys--especially the more experienced among you--do and, of course, what your rationale is behind it.

I've generally subscribed to the I-can-now-show-a-little-bit-softness school and send a quick, silly, or light-teasing text the next day related to something we did or talked about the previous night. The rationale is that it will evaporate any creeping awkwardness in her head and secure her for future escapades.

The other side of that coin is that it's better to keep her wondering for a day or two and then drop a line for maximum effect. Contacting her so immediately conveys, at best, a relationshipy vibe or, worse, a needy, beta vibe.

Ladies, what do you prefer?

Thoughts?
I prefer a man that is going to follow his heart and not play games. If he likes me and enjoyed our time together, I want him to tell me.....I want to hear from him and make plans to see each other again.....The sooner the better......
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:39 AM   #8
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I generally want some sort of acknowledgement that you're still interested the day after, not necessarily an invitation to another date. In fact, NOT an invitation. Just something to make me feel attractive and valued.
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Old 7th December 2011, 1:54 AM   #9
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If I didn't hear from the guy the day after we had sex, that would be the last time we had sex.
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Old 7th December 2011, 2:24 AM   #10
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To me, a high value man doesn't play games to manipulate women into bed. He's honest and respectful and knows the meaning of the word 'honor.' A high value man wouldn't need to call me the next day because we'd be laughing and having breakfast together in the morning.

Jeez. Kids these days are so slimy. Yuck.
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Old 7th December 2011, 2:32 AM   #11
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A high value man wouldn't need to call me the next day because we'd be laughing and having breakfast together in the morning
That's interesting -- I for one am more comfortable having sex with someone than sleeping with them and usually it is the second step that takes much longer. I'm more of a "thanks that was nice I'm calling a cab!" kind of girl. But I still appreciate a day-after text.
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Old 7th December 2011, 3:46 AM   #12
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Good for you, but many women (most nowadays) will give up the P in the hopes of getting the R with a high value guy.

The fear is if she doesn't put out, he'll move on to someone who will. Particularly if he seems like a guy with options.
That's sad. Don't they realize putting out won't get you love? The way I see it, if a guy really cares about me, he'll wait. If he doesn't care about me, why would I want to have sex with him?

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It's a buyer's market for high value guys.
Define "high value." A guy who tries to manipulate women for sex is not high value. He's just pathetic.

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How long do you wait?
I wait until we've been in a committed relationship for at least several months. I don't do casual sex. This ensures that no one ever takes advantage of me and no one uses me for sex. Rushing into sex too soon is just asking to get hurt, especially for women.
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Old 7th December 2011, 5:16 AM   #13
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What is it with this 'having sex but not sleeping over' thing. Is that an american custom? Over here it would be viewed as pretty damn weird if you went back to someone's house at night, had sex, and then left. Even if it's just a one nighter you still stay the night.

Anyway, in answer to your question:

You text or call the next day. If you're leaving in the morning because you stayed over, that means the same day. Why? You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. You don't need to 'play it cool' or any of that crap. The girl already likes you. She had sex with you. SHE WILL NOT THINK YOU'RE CREEPY IF YOU TEXT THE DAY AFTER SEX.

And if you want more, whether in a dating sense or something more casual, you are best off making her feel like you respect her.

No girl will ever be put off by you contacting her the day after sex, unless you were really crap in bed. An awful lot will be put off if you don't contact them.
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Old 7th December 2011, 6:29 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by spinaroonie View Post
Do you guys contact a girl the day after the first bang if you intend to hit it again?
Hope to, not intend to, and I wont bother correcting the rest of the language. From the way you write I'm getting a picture of little respect and of wanting to appear to be doing the right thing. In a world where there's more respect then of course the guy contacts the girl the next day (or later the same day if they woke up together) to tell her how much he enjoyed her company the night before and, perhaps, expressing a desire to see her again.
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Old 7th December 2011, 8:44 AM   #15
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The last guy I had sex with on a third date sent a bouquet flowers the next day.
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