Meadowlark5225 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I have been with my gf for almost 2 years. For the first 18 months of our relationship she was unemployed. She started a new job in June. I'm starting to see a pattern where guys she works with are hitting on her. One guy constantly sent her text messages and tried to be included in an overnight company trip she was scheduled to go on. She stopped responding supposedly and the texts also stopped. Another coworker tried to hug her goodnight after a sales call they did together. A third quit working with her but recently called with a potential lead for her. Today a other coworker suggested a lead and said this acquantence would appreciate her breasts! Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Breast guy was risking a sexual harrassment lawsuit IMO. If she's hot, guys are gonna flirt with her. I don't know what you expect really. In a relationship I'd just try to be the best person I could. If my partner cheats, it's over. That's their choice, they've chosen someone else over me and now they will never have me again. You can't control other people. All you can do is control your own actions and responses. The above is also why I'd never mess around with someone else's girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meadowlark5225 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 I'm not sure about flirty but I'm guessing that she must be since these guys seem to have no problem hitting on her. She does wear revealing clothing at times. She told me in a meeting that one guy mentioned she looks like a "sexy librarian". I have always heard you should listen to your gut feeling. Mine is telling me something is not right here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Any behavior where you suspect she is cheating? (ie acting distant, being inaccessible,making excuses to be away from you) ,, Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I'm not sure about flirty but I'm guessing that she must be since these guys seem to have no problem hitting on her. She does wear revealing clothing at times. She told me in a meeting that one guy mentioned she looks like a "sexy librarian". I have always heard you should listen to your gut feeling. Mine is telling me something is not right here. I know a guy who used to have this blonde bombshell as a girlfriend. She was superhot, but insecure, always looking around if she had a guy's attention. She would get out of a car and the first thing she did was check if some guy was looking at her. Guys felt encouraged to approach her, because she was vying for their attention, not because she wanted to cheat, but because she was horribly needy of the male gaze. If I remember it right, she even had a police officer find out her phone number and call her at home, knowing damn well she had a boyfriend. I think her looks did contribute to guys feeling attracted to her, but it was the small signals she sent out that encouraged them to take it beyond an admiring glance. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I'm not sure about flirty but I'm guessing that she must be since these guys seem to have no problem hitting on her. She does wear revealing clothing at times. She told me in a meeting that one guy mentioned she looks like a "sexy librarian". I have always heard you should listen to your gut feeling. Mine is telling me something is not right here. WTF?!?! I've NEVER seem or even heard of guys pulling this crap in corporations & not getting in trouble. Unless the woman welcomed it. Link to post Share on other sites
the wizard Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I have a similar issue with my GF at work. Guys will try and talk about sex with her but she disengages. They also touch her in playful ways but she says she doesn't appreciate it. I told her if that were true she would have spoken up and she says she has but because she's so nice and easy to get along with they disn't take her seriously. Lately I've noticed her being distant with them. I wonder if its because I said something or because this is what she really wants. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I see some fairly archaic statements being made from what appears to be younger people. Just because a girl's getting hit on doesn't mean she's encouraging it and acting like she wants to cheat on her bf. That's just backwoodsy. I get it a lot, and I dress conservatively. I'm friendly, but I don't encourage unwanted attention. If your gf is attractive, she will attract a lot of male attention, wanted or otherwise. Would you prefer she wear a burka??? Because you sound like you have the values of a Middle Eastern man who blames the woman for man's behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Is gf being hit on a red flag! No. Given the scenario you describe, her being hit-on is entirely the product of her encountering more people since she started working. We all know what the males want, but the gf in this case is innocent. Of course we can mostly guess that you're going to play the insecurity card and likely run yourself off the road relationship-wise. Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Today a other coworker suggested a lead and said this acquantence would appreciate her breasts! What kind of a company is this?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
the wizard Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I see some fairly archaic statements being made from what appears to be younger people. Just because a girl's getting hit on doesn't mean she's encouraging it and acting like she wants to cheat on her bf. That's just backwoodsy. I get it a lot, and I dress conservatively. I'm friendly, but I don't encourage unwanted attention. If your gf is attractive, she will attract a lot of male attention, wanted or otherwise. Would you prefer she wear a burka??? Because you sound like you have the values of a Middle Eastern man who blames the woman for man's behavior. You seem to be the same as my GF, how do you recommend she handle male coworkers coming up to her and touching her in playful ways like flipping her hair, or shoving her, or grabbing her shoulders, etc. Did you ever encounter things like that? GF says she doesn't appreciate it but I feel like it that were true she would've made it very clear you know? Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 You seem to be the same as my GF, how do you recommend she handle male coworkers coming up to her and touching her in playful ways like flipping her hair, or shoving her, or grabbing her shoulders, etc. Did you ever encounter things like that? GF says she doesn't appreciate it but I feel like it that were true she would've made it very clear you know? Women aren't taught to be very assertive. We are taught to go with the flow and you can't undo that without practice and permission. She doesn't want people to dislike her by speaking up too loudly against it. Even guys have difficulty setting too hard of boundaries in certain situations (work for example.) Yes, I've had guys touch my legs, come up from behind and massage me, grab my knee, touch my waist, my face. I have removed myself from the situation and forcefully told the guy to stop touching me. They do not get the word no. And then the same guys will come back to try again. I'm not afraid to setting clear boundaries anymore, because the consequences of not doing so are devastating. Simply put, she's going to have to get hard assed when the guys aren't respecting her desire for personal space. She needs to firmly tell them to stop, and let them know she doesn't like to be touched and/or it's inappropriate. She needs to remove herself from the situation as well. Document it. And ultimately, with guys who are clueless, she's going to have to cut off any contact with the guys unless she has to for work purposes. She needs to send a clear, if bitchy message that she's not playing. Guys who act like this aren't easily reasoned with. They know what they're doing is crossing the line but they do it anyway because they don't care. And for the record, most guys aren't just being playful. They are trying to create more physical intimacy with her in hopes of getting closer at some point in the future. Making it seem normal to have that kind of contact. It's really creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Women aren't taught to be very assertive. We are taught to go with the flow and you can't undo that without practice and permission. She doesn't want people to dislike her by speaking up too loudly against it. Even guys have difficulty setting too hard of boundaries in certain situations (work for example.) Yes, I've had guys touch my legs, come up from behind and massage me, grab my knee, touch my waist, my face. I have removed myself from the situation and forcefully told the guy to stop touching me. They do not get the word no. And then the same guys will come back to try again. I'm not afraid to setting clear boundaries anymore, because the consequences of not doing so are devastating. Simply put, she's going to have to get hard assed when the guys aren't respecting her desire for personal space. She needs to firmly tell them to stop, and let them know she doesn't like to be touched and/or it's inappropriate. She needs to remove herself from the situation as well. Document it. And ultimately, with guys who are clueless, she's going to have to cut off any contact with the guys unless she has to for work purposes. She needs to send a clear, if bitchy message that she's not playing. Guys who act like this aren't easily reasoned with. They know what they're doing is crossing the line but they do it anyway because they don't care. And for the record, most guys aren't just being playful. They are trying to create more physical intimacy with her in hopes of getting closer at some point in the future. Making it seem normal to have that kind of contact. It's really creepy. This. And guys really don't get the word "no". Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Not a big deal. Even if she were to cheat, what are you going to do, dump her for it? I wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
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