why hasn't he asked me out again?

[starla33]

went on a great date on Wed. guy said he really wants to see me again. Was texting me a bunch the next day about random stuff 2 texts at once at one point (was basically trying to have a text chat....im so no into that so i let it die out after a few texts). Figured if I stop he will just ask me out instead of trying to chat. Was waiting for him to ask me out again, but he hasn't.

 

HUH?

[oaks]

guy said he really wants to see me again.

 

Did you respond like a wet fish, or with some enthusiasm? He probably isn't telepathic.

[starla33]

of course i responded we were going back and forth for a bit and i got bored so just stopped after he laughed (LOLed) at my joke.

 

oh haha you mean to see him again part....um we kissed a lot (i dont usually do this on a first date, but it was going very well) and i said yes would def love to do it again. So if it is unclear to him that I am interested then he is a complete idiot....

Edited November 20, 2011 by starla33

[oaks]

oh haha you mean to see him again part....um we kissed a lot (i dont usually do this on a first date, but it was going very well) and i said yes would def love to do it again.

 

Oh good. Well, in that case I don't know why he hasn't asked you again unless he just isn't that interested.

[starla33]

Oh good. Well, in that case I don't know why he hasn't asked you again unless he just isn't that interested.

 

then why on earth keep texting me the next day trying to talk to me and he also texted right after the date ended to say goodnight cutie

 

 

So um what the heck?

[starla33]

He is afraid to make the next move because he is intimidated by your uninterest.

 

If you want him to make a move you got to show him that you want him too and what he feel is not one way.

 

All the texting and no date, this is as obvious as daylight.

 

Now go out there and get him tigress.

 

But we made out....pretty clear that I like him I would think. And why on earth would i text back at all if I was uninterested? :/

[starla33]

I guess from experience I feel that if a guy really wants to see you, even if he is a little bit unsure if you want to see him again...he will make it happen and ask you out. Without you having to chase him down. I hate asking guys out it just comes off so aggressive.

[starla33]

There is no need to chase.

 

It would make the whole mating game so much less tense if at the end of EVERY date, conversatioin, email, etc, that a woman used few simple words. There's a million ways to phrase it but something like:

 

"I'll be thinking of you"

 

"I look forward to your call"

 

"Thanks for the nice day, I hope we can do it again soon"

 

It's a way of letting the guy know you are available but still expecting him to take the next step. If he likes you, he will ask you out again because your simple 'opening' boosts his confidence.

 

I guess I'll send a text saying we should hang out again. And he can take it from there lol

[starla33]

EXACTLY!!!!!

 

Nothing worse when she mumbles some wishy washy goodbye as in TALK LATER or the ultimate bad ender as in I'VE GOT TO GO NOW.

 

Um right, but we MADE OUT and he was texting me the next day....so it's not as easy as saying OH he probably doesn't know you are interested.

[AH1990]

Um right, but we MADE OUT and he was texting me the next day....so it's not as easy as saying OH he probably doesn't know you are interested.

 

 

Sorry to be blunt, but making out doesn't mean $HIT!

 

There was this girl I liked (really recently actually), we went on 3 dates, made out on all three. I thought things were going really good! I tried asking her out again after the third date, all I got was either 'maybe, i'll let you know', or 'I'm pretty busy this week'.

 

I know of A LOT of guys in this world, myself included, that if we like a girl, and she isn't matching, or at least attempting to match our interest level that were showing, then we give up and move on.

 

I HATE it when girls play games! HATE IT! If you want him, then go get him! Don't be wishy washy and wonder when he is going to ask you out again! Guys like being asked out just as much as girls do.

[monkey00]

 

I know of A LOT of guys in this world, myself included, that if we like a girl, and she isn't matching, or at least attempting to match our interest level that were showing, then we give up and move on.

 

I HATE it when girls play games! HATE IT! If you want him, then go get him! Don't be wishy washy and wonder when he is going to ask you out again! Guys like being asked out just as much as girls do.

 

I'm with him on this and I'm one of those guys. Anyway if you're really interested in going on a date again, I would suggest to send him a small text saying: "So when are we going out again?" or "when am I going to see you again?"

 

It's as simple as that and at the same time letting him know you want to see him again. If he doesn't make plans then the guy isn't interested, at the very least you know you made an effort.

[starla33]

Sorry to be blunt, but making out doesn't mean $HIT!

 

There was this girl I liked (really recently actually), we went on 3 dates, made out on all three. I thought things were going really good! I tried asking her out again after the third date, all I got was either 'maybe, i'll let you know', or 'I'm pretty busy this week'.

 

I know of A LOT of guys in this world, myself included, that if we like a girl, and she isn't matching, or at least attempting to match our interest level that were showing, then we give up and move on.

 

I HATE it when girls play games! HATE IT! If you want him, then go get him! Don't be wishy washy and wonder when he is going to ask you out again! Guys like being asked out just as much as girls do.

 

Sorry to hear that, I definitely don't make out with guys I wouldn't want to see again, but I get your point. I don't feel I am playing games, i just like very dominant aggressive men. I have previously asked guys out on 2nd and 3rd dates and it ended up with ME doing all the work and them not being very interested...so I have stopped doing that and wouldn't want to go down that road again.

[D-Lish]

went on a great date on Wed. guy said he really wants to see me again. Was texting me a bunch the next day about random stuff 2 texts at once at one point (was basically trying to have a text chat....im so no into that so i let it die out after a few texts). Figured if I stop he will just ask me out instead of trying to chat. Was waiting for him to ask me out again, but he hasn't.

 

HUH?

 

Did it ever occur to you that he was trying to chat with the purpose of building up to ask you out again? You stopped responding, that would indicate to most people the other party isn't interested.

[AH1990]

Sorry to hear that, I definitely don't make out with guys I wouldn't want to see again, but I get your point. I don't feel I am playing games, i just like very dominant aggressive men. I have previously asked guys out on 2nd and 3rd dates and it ended up with ME doing all the work and them not being very interested...so I have stopped doing that and wouldn't want to go down that road again.

 

 

I'd suggest doing what monkey00 said. Do it indirectly.

'When can I see you again?'

'When are we going out again?'

 

It's letting him know that you want to see him again, but not directly asking him out. He'll get the hint.

 

 

Did it ever occur to you that he was trying to chat with the purpose of building up to ask you out again? You stopped responding, that would indicate to most people the other party isn't interested.

 

Been in that situation before. Too many times to be honest.

[starla33]

Did it ever occur to you that he was trying to chat with the purpose of building up to ask you out again? You stopped responding, that would indicate to most people the other party isn't interested.

 

Yes, but the last text was him saying LOL after i made a joke in the one before. Now I don't know about you guys, but this was a work day and I don't have time to be texting back and forth for hours. So yes I stopped after he said "LOL"....there is nothing to say back to that anyway!

 

Honestly TEXTING is for making plans not for chatting all day.

Edited November 20, 2011 by starla33

[TheFinalWord]

Yes, but the last text was him saying LOL after i made a joke in the one before. Now I don't know about you guys, but this was a work day and I don't have time to be texting back and forth for hours. So yes I stopped after he said "LOL"....there is nothing to say back to that anyway!

 

I agree with you that texting is used way too much. I would use it for occasional chatting, but if I wanted to ask a girl out I would pick up the phone and call.

 

The thing is you have no idea about this guy. He could have another girlfriend, phone could have broke, working a lot etc. If you already are noting behaviors you don't like, I would not keep investing...but that's me.

I always cut it off if I get red flags that way I do not develop feelings. That could be what he is doing.

 

Equivalent communication styles are required in a relationship. For example, it does not sound like you respect him texting this early when he should be calling you instead. So to me it seems your communication styles are not lining up.

 

As far as you trying to figure this situation out, I would not pursue him. If he can't call and leaves you hanging it is already establishing a pattern you do not appreciate. If you text him after he has stopped communicating, just know you are are already establishing patterns of what you will accept in terms of his behavior.

 

But I guess pursuing him depends on how sensitive of a girl you are. If you are already kissing him without knowing him, bonding chemicals were probably released and it will now drive you crazy. In that case, I guess you will have to take initiative. Best of luck.

[starla33]

I agree with you that texting is used way too much. I would use it for occasional chatting, but if I wanted to ask a girl out I would pick up the phone and call.

 

The thing is you have no idea about this guy. He could have another girlfriend, phone could have broke, working a lot etc. If you already are noting behaviors you don't like, I would not keep investing...but that's me.

I always cut it off if I get red flags that way I do not develop feelings. That could be what he is doing.

 

Equivalent communication styles are required in a relationship. For example, it does not sound like you respect him texting this early when he should be calling you instead. So to me it seems your communication styles are not lining up.

 

As far as you trying to figure this situation out, I would not pursue him. If he can't call and leaves you hanging it is already establishing a pattern you do not appreciate. If you text him after he has stopped communicating, just know you are are already establishing patterns of what you will accept in terms of his behavior.

 

But I guess pursuing him depends on how sensitive of a girl you are. If you are already kissing him without knowing him, bonding chemicals were probably released and it will now drive you crazy. In that case, I guess you will have to take initiative. Best of luck.

 

Unfortunately I do not know a single guy in this city around my age that actually calls anyone EVER. It's quite sad, but my generation seems to have given up on picking up the phone.

[TheFinalWord]

Unfortunately I do not know a single guy in this city around my age that actually calls anyone EVER. It's quite sad, but my generation seems to have given up on picking up the phone.

 

I understand. Perhaps in the future you could give him a hint..."Hey I am at work, I will have a lunch break @ noon, could we talk on the phone?" Texting is okay once you are in more of a relationship zone. Sometimes you have to teach a man what you like (operant conditioning ). Just do it in a friendly way.

 

I guess at tip for men is in order: Men should not use text as a primary communication at first. Also, it is good for her to hear your actual voice. Women are heavily attracted to a man's voice.

 

As you are noting, all of this miscommunication is occurring via text messaging. This because primary channels of communication (verbal expression, tone, etc.) are lost with text. I could go on a rant here, but you know what I am saying

 

"In this city around my age that actually calls anyone EVER"

 

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places? Just some introspection for you to consider.

Edited November 20, 2011 by TheFinalWord

[starla33]

I understand. Perhaps in the future you could give him a hint..."Hey I am at work, I will have a lunch break @ noon, could we talk on the phone?" Texting is okay once you are in more of a relationship zone. Sometimes you have to teach a man what you like (operant conditioning ). Just do it in a friendly way.

 

I guess at tip for men is in order: Men should not use text as a primary communication at first. Also, it is good for her to hear your actual voice. Women are heavily attracted to a man's voice.

 

As you are noting, all of this miscommunication is occurring via text messaging. This because primary channels of communication (verbal expression, tone, etc.) are lost with text. I could go on a rant here, but you know what I am saying

 

"In this city around my age that actually calls anyone EVER"

 

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places? Just some introspection for you to consider.

 

Don't think so. I live in a huge city and everyone here is busy with their jobs etc, so it is much easier to text. AND guys here def use texting in the start of a relationship and not calling. I speak from experience of me and all my female friends here. Nothing wrong with these guys it's just very tough to figure out WTF they want and frustrating to be honest. Like in the case of this guy...obviously interested since hes contacting me, but has yet to ASK me out. Maybe I offended him not flirting back a lot, maybe I didn't. I may never know because I'm totally annoyed at this point.

 

Guys in their late 30's and 40's still call around here, but they are a little out of my age range preference.

Edited November 20, 2011 by starla33

[TheFinalWord]

Don't think so. I live in a huge city and everyone here is busy with their jobs etc, so it is much easier to text. AND guys here def use texting in the start of a relationship and not calling. I speak from experience of me and all my female friends here. Nothing wrong with these guys it's just very tough to figure out WTF they want and frustrating to be honest. Like in the case of this guy...obviously interested since hes contacting me, but has yet to ASK me out. Maybe I offended him not flirting back a lot, maybe I didn't. I may never know because I'm totally annoyed at this point.

 

Guys in their late 30's and 40's still call around here, but they are a little out of my age range.

 

I see what you are saying. For me, I'm early 30s and work approximately 90-100 hours per week and can make time to call. Just my advice, don't compromise on what you want. From my perspective, texing is more time consuming than calling. A phone call asking a girl out takes 10 minutes. There is also clear communication and plans; intention is easier to gauge. Texting can go on for hours and hours and intention gets lost due to absence of key communication channels. Plus with all of the texting there is less to talk about for those first/second/third awkward dates.

 

To me if you have to analyze texting this much, you are wasting your time. A man will call, an adolescent will use texting to ask you out. Don't make the mistake of assuming b/c a guy has the body of a man, he has the maturity of man. Learn to discern the difference and don't waste your time in the future. Also, don't make it so easy to kiss you. Make him work for it and pursue (no offense, not saying anything about your character...but if your make it too easy the guy gets bored). Okay, I sound like your dad now.

Edited November 20, 2011 by TheFinalWord

[starla33]

Oh come on it's not like I slept with him or even groped him. We are adults and can make out its the 20th century....

[Fondue]

Oh come on it's not like I slept with him or even groped him. We are adults and can make out its the 20th century....

Here is where you're missing the point.

 

You say, "OMG WE MADE OUT, HOW CAN HE SAY I AM NOT INTERESTED IN HIM!???" and then you go ahead and say, "dude, we were just making out, it's the 21st century, **** like this isn't a big deal."

 

I do agree, completely agree, making out isn't a big deal. In fact, it's nothing at all. I've made out with countless of women whom end up having 0 interest in me-- and vice versa.

 

He may know this, too. He isn't intepreting you making out with him as a distinct sign of interest. What he is interpreting is your "I want to be chased" attitude as giving him the cold shoulder.

 

I think you are rejecting everyone's advice simply because you're stubborn. Why the hell would you go on a website asking for genuine insight and then reject it all?

 

I think I know the reason. You like attention. You were trying to get this dude to chase you hard because it validates you. You want that attention. The fact that he isn't doing it is ripping you from the inside. I mean, how can he NOT be that interested in you? In YOU. Out of all people, I mean you're a ****ing princess, right?

 

You're exactly the reason why I (and many other successful goodlooking men) avoid any relationship with women outside of sex.

[TheFinalWord]

Oh come on it's not like I slept with him or even groped him. We are adults and can make out its the 20th century....

 

You may do as you wish...best of luck with him.

 

PS: it's the 21st century.

[starla33]

Here is where you're missing the point.

 

You say, "OMG WE MADE OUT, HOW CAN HE SAY I AM NOT INTERESTED IN HIM!???" and then you go ahead and say, "dude, we were just making out, it's the 21st century, **** like this isn't a big deal."

 

I do agree, completely agree, making out isn't a big deal. In fact, it's nothing at all. I've made out with countless of women whom end up having 0 interest in me-- and vice versa.

 

He may know this, too. He isn't intepreting you making out with him as a distinct sign of interest. What he is interpreting is your "I want to be chased" attitude as giving him the cold shoulder.

 

I think you are rejecting everyone's advice simply because you're stubborn. Why the hell would you go on a website asking for genuine insight and then reject it all?

 

I think I know the reason. You like attention. You were trying to get this dude to chase you hard because it validates you. You want that attention. The fact that he isn't doing it is ripping you from the inside. I mean, how can he NOT be that interested in you? In YOU. Out of all people, I mean you're a ****ing princess, right?

 

You're exactly the reason why I (and many other successful goodlooking men) avoid any relationship with women outside of sex.

 

Hah wooooow way to take your anger about women out on me dude. No I am actually going to listen and drop him a text and see how it goes. But if you haven't noticed all of the female advice books say to NEVER EVER initiate or ask a guy for a date ever, and so do my female friends. So as you can see a little confusing.

[D-Lish]

Here is where you're missing the point.

 

You say, "OMG WE MADE OUT, HOW CAN HE SAY I AM NOT INTERESTED IN HIM!???" and then you go ahead and say, "dude, we were just making out, it's the 21st century, **** like this isn't a big deal."

 

I do agree, completely agree, making out isn't a big deal. In fact, it's nothing at all. I've made out with countless of women whom end up having 0 interest in me-- and vice versa.

 

He may know this, too. He isn't intepreting you making out with him as a distinct sign of interest. What he is interpreting is your "I want to be chased" attitude as giving him the cold shoulder.

 

I think you are rejecting everyone's advice simply because you're stubborn. Why the hell would you go on a website asking for genuine insight and then reject it all?

 

I think I know the reason. You like attention. You were trying to get this dude to chase you hard because it validates you. You want that attention. The fact that he isn't doing it is ripping you from the inside. I mean, how can he NOT be that interested in you? In YOU. Out of all people, I mean you're a ****ing princess, right?

 

You're exactly the reason why I (and many other successful goodlooking men) avoid any relationship with women outside of sex.

 

You hit the nail on the head with your insight,

I see the same thing.

OP wants attention, wants to be pursued... Isn't getting it and is pissed off.