mortensorchid Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I have posted on this before and have given rise to many debates. I am convinced that men in general want someone who is lesser than they are. They want someone who is less educated, less successful, has less personality, and will be submissive to them. They say otherwise, but they would rather have trashy girls because they feel superior to them at the end of the day. Case in point: Today I saw a Facebook post from a former flame I was seeing for about two months this time last year. He ended it just before Christmas, saying that he was/is not good during the holidays, and that he was trying to get over someone else. I asked how long ago this someone else was, he said it was about 6 months ago. I said "Well, if that's how you feel, then I have no choice in the matter, do I?" We had one more get together "as friends", and then after that we exchanged a text or two. And then, he stopped responding to them, I erased him from my phone, and that was that. Apparently today he's off on vacation with some other woman. On the ticker they are obviously a couple and people have been making comments like "Congratulations! You look so happy together!" and the like. I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy, thinking he was full of s--- and is a steaming bag of it. I'm not about to lash out or anything, but, it was/is there. This is why I have hung it up. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I have posted on this before and have given rise to many debates. I am convinced that men in general want someone who is lesser than they are. They want someone who is less educated, less successful, has less personality, and will be submissive to them. They say otherwise, but they would rather have trashy girls because they feel superior to them at the end of the day. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Well, for me, anyway. mike Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 How exactly did the example you cited prove your point of "men wanting someone who is less than them?" You just said he found another girl and appears to be happy - that doesn't really "prove" anything...I feel like I missed something here. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I have posted on this before and have given rise to many debates. I am convinced that men in general want someone who is lesser than they are. They want someone who is less educated, less successful, has less personality, and will be submissive to them. They say otherwise, but they would rather have trashy girls because they feel superior to them at the end of the day. Oh goodness... Some men are intimidated by women whom they perceive are "better" than them in several areas --- it goes without saying that most of these men are extremely insecure. But there are many men who want an equal... and others who like a challenge... Also, it can be the same with women... it is just easier to "control/manipulate" someone who is "less" than in many areas. Link to post Share on other sites
orion1010 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I think it has more to do with you being jealous period, than her supposedly being lesser. Attraction isn't a choice. I agree, attraction is not a choice. well said. he probably wasn't out looking for anything and she fell into his life somehow and it just clicked. I'm sure it was not you at all. Just chemistry between them. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I agree, attraction is not a choice. well said. he probably wasn't out looking for anything and she fell into his life somehow and it just clicked. I'm sure it was not you at all. Just chemistry between them. Lies. One may not be able to help themselves from being attracted to something --- not without all kinds of training - but they can change what they're attracted to and even have an influence over what and or who is attracted to them. Modify. modify. . modify. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 My historical data points have shown that I look for equals and women look for betters. So, we miss. My exW was an equal, pretty much, but once her situation (social and financial) improved from marriage and mine declined from caregiving, she started looking for better. That was when I started hearing the snide comments. I think I'll pass. Life's too short to deal with that kind of stuff. Already wasted too much of it as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 To a degree. It's like telling someone who has never been attracted to black people at all, and never has, that if they 'modify' things, they'll eventually come around. Attraction happens on it's own. If this is the case, you might as well say you can become attracted to anyone with enough modification, if this is the case, I'll have to disagree yet again. So then it changes on its own too? Because I at least have noticed my attractions have changed over time... and I do attribute some of it to the exploration of different perspectives, and also to what thoughts I've chosen to feed and to what thoughts I've chosen to starve, etc... (I did know a girl in highschool [the sister of a friend] who claimed to dislike Mexicans and rejected one Mexican boy who was perhaps too enamored with her for his own good... anywho, years later, she ended up marrying a Mexican man and they have a few children now. Maybe she was ashamed and hid the truth or maybe she just developed something / gained a new perspective that allowed her to respond differently [eventually], orrr who knows...) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 My historical data points have shown that I look for equals and women look for betters. So, we miss. My exW was an equal, pretty much, but once her situation (social and financial) improved from marriage and mine declined from caregiving, she started looking for better. That was when I started hearing the snide comments. I think I'll pass. Life's too short to deal with that kind of stuff. Already wasted too much of it as it is. This is it. Many of the self proclaimed strong and independent women tend look down on any man they consider beneath them and who needs that. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Both men and women are guilty of "trading up"... gah, why do so many people on here define things by gender so much, rather than by "humanity"? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 How do you conclude that the new woman is trashy and lesser? Link to post Share on other sites
Queen Zenobia Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 So then it changes on its own too? Because I at least have noticed my attractions have changed over time... and I do attribute some of it to the exploration of different perspectives, and also to what thoughts I've chosen to feed and to what thoughts I've chosen to starve, etc... (I did know a girl in highschool [the sister of a friend] who claimed to dislike Mexicans and rejected one Mexican boy who was perhaps too enamored with her for his own good... anywho, years later, she ended up marrying a Mexican man and they have a few children now. Maybe she was ashamed and hid the truth or maybe she just developed something / gained a new perspective that allowed her to respond differently [eventually], orrr who knows...) Well it's complicated. If you're going to argue attraction to certain things/qualities can change you might as well say a gay person can become straight and vice versa. For me, I was never really interested in white guys (still not). For some reason they just weren't attractive to me. I was always into Pacific Islander, Asian, and Hispanic men. Well low and behold, I'm marrying a white man. Things happen. I ended being attracted to him and not just his outer qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I will admit that most of my male friends who've been married a long time do generally hold a prominent social, financial and intellectual position relevant to their wives. In many ways, my father did as well. Mom was a sharp cookie and ran a great house and was a good mom but dad was a credentialed white collar professional with far more raw intellect and social influence and financial power. I don't think they saw their marriage that way but, analyzed in our generational terms, she was 'lesser', though by no means 'trashy' nor 'submissive'. I remember saying in MC, during one contentious period, that 'someone has to lead', referring to my expertise in matters of real estate during a property purchase we were doing, and it was shortly thereafter that my exW filed for divorce. Evidently, the leadership of my father's era didn't translate too well to our dynamic. Anyway, maybe the message I was getting from women (by them looking for 'better') is borne out in the successful marriages of my parents and friends where the men are, ostensibly, 'better'. Hard to know. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 A guy you dated for 2 months almost a year ago has a new gf, they are going on vacation together. How does that suggest that men secretly want someone lesser than them? What do you know about his gf? To be honest you just sound bitter and small. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Well it's complicated. If you're going to argue attraction to certain things/qualities can change you might as well say a gay person can become straight and vice versa. Mm I think that's also complex. I've known a couple of people who've been *certain* that they were gay, only to later decide (after a few or sometimes even several bad experiences) that they were just confused all along... and then they concluded that their bad experiences were because they were really always straight... and off into the arms of the other gender they went. And one of these people (a male) told me that he knew, without a shred of doubt, since he was 6.... that he was gay... but the last I heard of him was that he was in a long-term relationship with a woman. I think it's difficult, especially for younger people, to sift through what is environmental / family / peer influences from what is their true, "biological", self... early on many people are "trained" to repress that anyway... and it seems when people are not provided a structure and sufficient boundaries, their later lives are quite hectic regardless. I've considered myself "bisexual"... and that probably has to do with me not trusting my own judgment and what comes from what, LoL... but I also think it has to do with the way I view things....... Throw in that many people also have a tendency to be stubborn, close-minded, and terrified of being wrong and... it is rather complicated. I don't know if I can be content with things just happening. Edited October 19, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 My historical data points have shown that I look for equals and women look for betters. So, we miss. My exW was an equal, pretty much, but once her situation (social and financial) improved from marriage and mine declined from caregiving, she started looking for better. That was when I started hearing the snide comments. I think I'll pass. Life's too short to deal with that kind of stuff. Already wasted too much of it as it is. I know so many guys who are blue collar workers that put their wives through nursing school only to have them graduate, divorce them & start dating Dr's. It's messed up. However I also know a lot of couples where the woman was already up there in status, money ect & the guys are union workers that still lead & these woman don't give me the impression their still shopping around. I think people in general get full of themselves when they experience a status change. Link to post Share on other sites
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