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Do men avoid settling as women get older?


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Old 28th October 2011, 5:09 PM   #481
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Originally Posted by RealiteeChekk View Post
This may be perhaps one of the truly saddest posts I have read here and perhaps ever on the entire internet.
It's not so sad. It's just that I've had to adjust who I am and what I want around a different life then I thought I'd have. I'm not sad, just living my life a different way then I pictured it in my younger years.

I just saw the gal posting how hard she was at never wanting children and wanted to give her a point of view from someone who was her age and "been there dont that"...and wishing someone had given me the advice I just gave her.
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Old 28th October 2011, 5:23 PM   #482
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Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire View Post
This actually makes me angry. I took a 'don't ask don't tell' policy to sexual history before... and I got burned so damn bad.

It's a HUGE indicator of a woman's mental health... perhaps the most important one.

I'm completely sick of hearing this "don't judge me" attitude. I heard a child molester tell me that once, and he was crazy as hell too. Screw that... I'm going to judge BOTH types of sexual crazies.
Just for the record,

I am recently married to a fine man, and we have a lovely relationship. We were together for 2 years before marrying.

He and I did not feel ANY need to discuss our prior sexual relationships, and we never have. There was no reason that was pertinent to our own relationship. There was no inherent threat there. Neither one of us really cared about it. I started to "confess" some stuff to him once that I though he could take issue with. He listened to me for a few moments and then said something like, "you know what? That really doesn't matter to me. For some reason, you are such a clean slate for me." We didn't talk about it again. I doubt we ever will.

We did, however, talk about our former marriages. We were both divorced once. There were things from each one of our prior marriages that we learned, mistakes we'd made and that we each were accountable for, as well as behavior in our former spouses that we knew we didn't want to experience again. So, talking about some of that really did have pertinence to our own relationship.

I am not arguing about people telling each other their "number." If it's important to you, then I guess you should know it and tell it. It's not necessarily important to all of us, though, men OR women.
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Old 28th October 2011, 5:37 PM   #483
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Originally Posted by Febreze View Post
Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried
unless you are going for guys that are in their 20's it may be the more mature guys aren't all giddy to rush into anything as they have had their share of drama(as have women).

take me, just for one example. I am divorced. And after that gawd awful experience I am in no rush to settle again and don't break my neck to accelerate things in a relationship.

so it isn't that just YOU are getting older, the men are as well and they may have grown tired from their experiences. Thats just one guess.
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Old 28th October 2011, 5:53 PM   #484
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Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer View Post
Just for the record,
I am recently married to a fine man, and we have a lovely relationship. We were together for 2 years before marrying.
He and I did not feel ANY need to discuss our prior sexual relationships, and we never have. There was no reason that was pertinent to our own relationship. There was no inherent threat there. Neither one of us really cared about it. I started to "confess" some stuff to him once that I though he could take issue with. He listened to me for a few moments and then said something like, "you know what? That really doesn't matter to me. For some reason, you are such a clean slate for me." We didn't talk about it again. I doubt we ever will.
We did, however, talk about our former marriages. We were both divorced once. There were things from each one of our prior marriages that we learned, mistakes we'd made and that we each were accountable for, as well as behavior in our former spouses that we knew we didn't want to experience again. So, talking about some of that really did have pertinence to our own relationship.
I am not arguing about people telling each other their "number." If it's important to you, then I guess you should know it and tell it. It's not necessarily important to all of us, though, men OR women.
That is pretty much the same thing. It isn't the number itself that has meaning.
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Old 28th October 2011, 6:22 PM   #485
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Originally Posted by RealiteeChekk View Post
Don't you have things backwards?

Isn't the OP by a woman, who believes she is "entitled" to find a man for a relationship, at age 35, and is embittered that, despite being attractive for a 35 year old, she's found no suitable takers?
I don't think the OP feels entitled to anything. I think she's frustrated because she's 35 and wants to get married and have kids but is having a hard time finding that in men her own age.
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Old 29th October 2011, 1:10 AM   #486
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I am not insulting my wife and even during my worst moments you will never find any ageism from me. A good woman is a good woman at any age.
What? Speak for yourself!
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Old 29th October 2011, 3:28 AM   #487
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Oh I absoluetly believe that it does prize youth and beauty especially in women. That doesn't mean I have to buy into that message. It doesn't mean men have to buy into that message.

When I was younger, men with more money did impress me. Which is why I don't blame 18 year old boys for falling into the awe of a beautiful women. But 18 year old boys should be different at their 25 and 30 year old selves.

Life is a journey, and in this journey I learned that men with more money are still just men. They aren't better. They aren't kinder. They aren't even always smarter. What is sad is when people don't understand this and live their life by a code sold to them through mass media about the worth of the other gender and their worth. You can buy into the media message, cross your arms and say on well and get swept up in the consumer tide, or you can grab on to a life boat and climb on up and work with the people in it..men and women. The choice is yours.

No one said younger women or affluent men were better than older women or less affluent men. It was simply stated that they were more in demand in the dating pool. You can get angry at people here all you want about this fact. As the OP (or any person) gets older, they he or she is in less demand for dating. No one said men get better with age, we simply said that affluence affects a man's desirability significantly more than other factors. Thus, looks do not play as large a role as it does with women. If this were not true, men would not put such emphasis on amassing wealth and women would not put such an emphasis on looking good. You can complain all you want about that, but you can see it all the time in the sating world. I didn't make those trends occur, yet you blame me personally as if I am responsible with the way men at lager or women at large think.
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Old 29th October 2011, 9:47 AM   #488
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Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire View Post
This actually makes me angry. I took a 'don't ask don't tell' policy to sexual history before... and I got burned so damn bad.

It's a HUGE indicator of a woman's mental health... perhaps the most important one.

I'm completely sick of hearing this "don't judge me" attitude. I heard a child molester tell me that once, and he was crazy as hell too. Screw that... I'm going to judge BOTH types of sexual crazies.
Did you acutally read what I said before replying? If you did, you would have acknowledged that I said that if you are looking for someone with a similiar number of sexual partners as yourself, that's fine. However RealityCheck isn't just interested in making this point. He is more interested in shaming women with higher sexual numbers because it makes *him* unhappy.

The idea that a woman with high number of sexual partners reflects her "mental health" is plain ignorant. Hate to break it to you but women with mental health issues come in all shapes, sizes and situations..and yes in small numbers of sexual partners or high. Now the fact that *you* don't want a woman with high sexual partners is one thing. And perfectly fine. I myself perfer men with lower sexual numbers. But I am not ignorant enough to say a man with high sexual numbers is defective.

Further, breaking out something as charged as child molesters and claiming that a child molester asking not be judged with not juding grown adult women have grown adult relationships is plain digusting on your part.
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Old 29th October 2011, 9:53 AM   #489
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Originally Posted by Sanman View Post
No one said younger women or affluent men were better than older women or less affluent men. It was simply stated that they were more in demand in the dating pool. You can get angry at people here all you want about this fact. As the OP (or any person) gets older, they he or she is in less demand for dating. No one said men get better with age, we simply said that affluence affects a man's desirability significantly more than other factors. Thus, looks do not play as large a role as it does with women. If this were not true, men would not put such emphasis on amassing wealth and women would not put such an emphasis on looking good. You can complain all you want about that, but you can see it all the time in the sating world. I didn't make those trends occur, yet you blame me personally as if I am responsible with the way men at lager or women at large think.
I'm done going around in circles with you Sanman. We have both stated our opinions on this subject again and again. As I said, you are free to live your life as you please. The men here are free to put women into any little catagory they please. Lets just not pretend that it's about liking women very much. It's not.
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Old 29th October 2011, 10:13 AM   #490
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Originally Posted by Disenchantedly Yours View Post

The idea that a woman with high number of sexual partners reflects her "mental health" is plain ignorant. Hate to break it to you but women with mental health issues come in all shapes, sizes and situations..and yes in small numbers of sexual partners or high. Now the fact that *you* don't want a woman with high sexual partners is one thing. And perfectly fine. I myself perfer men with lower sexual numbers. But I am not ignorant enough to say a man with high sexual numbers is defective.
Despite what you might think, the number of sexual partners a person has and the circumstances of those encounters can tell you a lot about person's mental and emotional health. Any person, male or female, should be aware of their partner's past. This has has been evident is many of my and friend's relationships. She has 18 partners by ONS/FWB and no relationship longer than six mths? Don't expect this relationship to go well. He has a history of dating multiple strippers and dumping them after 3 mths? Don't expect him to be faithful or relationship minded. Sure there are those with mental health issues that do not express these things sexually. However, those with BPD, sexual trauma, and a number of other disorders do express these things. A high number of partners is certainly a sign to proceed with caution and consider whether the other person has a healthy view of relationships.
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Old 29th October 2011, 11:38 AM   #491
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Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire View Post
That is pretty much the same thing. It isn't the number itself that has meaning.
Well, that's a notable turn-around in your attitude from a few years ago!

I don't think any reasonable woman would disagree that speaking about some past lessons, past relationships, past experiences is entirely reasonable and, possibly even, necessary. It's when some guy asks, "So how many dudes have you slept with?" (which no one has ever actually asked me!) like they're checking for mileage that it's gross and weird and smacks of issues. Never seen this actually come up in real life though---seems like only men on LS worry so much about numbers, though one less now, so good for you, UF.

I think it's important --- male or female --- to be willing to talk some about why your relationships didn't last/you didn't have a relationship/what you're looking for when looking for a new partner. And, of course, to share anything that might be truly objectionable to the person. . . for instance, if you've previously had a torrid affair with his twin brother, or a real life example, the fact that I didn't realize till I was on a date with my current BF and learned exactly where he worked that he worked in the same office/company/floor as my exBF and I had to admit that immediately for honesty's sake (obvs, he didn't care). But I've never had a guy ask my number or tell me his, and I'd find it a bit immature and sitcom if he did.
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Old 29th October 2011, 1:05 PM   #492
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Originally Posted by Sanman View Post
Despite what you might think, the number of sexual partners a person has and the circumstances of those encounters can tell you a lot about person's mental and emotional health. Any person, male or female, should be aware of their partner's past. This has has been evident is many of my and friend's relationships. She has 18 partners by ONS/FWB and no relationship longer than six mths? Don't expect this relationship to go well. He has a history of dating multiple strippers and dumping them after 3 mths? Don't expect him to be faithful or relationship minded. Sure there are those with mental health issues that do not express these things sexually. However, those with BPD, sexual trauma, and a number of other disorders do express these things. A high number of partners is certainly a sign to proceed with caution and consider whether the other person has a healthy view of relationships.
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Old 29th October 2011, 1:11 PM   #493
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I am not one to count a woman's numbers but time and time again promiscuity has been a sign of some much deeper red flags. I have seen countless men have an open mind about things and give her the benefit of the doubt only for her to cheat on him or dump him because he is boring and she wants to chase drama again.

It is about self protection and self protection is not always PC or progressive. If she has a sexual appetite but also shows a history of being able to be a faithful partner without getting bored then that is a different story.
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Old 29th October 2011, 1:32 PM   #494
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Social message to women: Be sexy just don't have sex.

In essence...be a prop for sexual attraction for a man as long as your chaste until *he* wants you to be not chaste for him.
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Old 29th October 2011, 1:35 PM   #495
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Social message to women: Be sexy just don't have sex.

In essence...be a prop for sexual attraction for a man as long as your chaste until *he* wants you to be not chaste for him.
It is not that extreme. I used to never judge a woman on her past until that attitude came and smacked me in the face.
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