How do you know if a guy really likes you?

[Charlotte123]

and wants you for more than sex? I've met someone I really really like. We've actually known each other for about a year, but we were both going through breakups when we met and weren't ready to date. We went out the other night and had so much fun. He is so easy to be with and the physical chemistry is just sizzling - he smells like heaven, kisses really sweet. He's a kind of heart on your sleeve type of guy, so I don't think he is one of those guys who just wants a one night stand, but I don't know if he feels the same way about me that I feel about him. How can you tell?

 

Good signs:

- he kisses me really passionately and respects my physical boundaries.

- we have fun together and have a lot in common.

- he talked a lot about how much he loves children (I have children)

- he appears to be insanely physically attracted to me - but not in an overwhelming way - it's just the kissing was intense.

-after the date he answered my text that I was home safe

-the day after the date he answered my text and we had some silly banter.

 

Conflicting signs:

-I suggested we go out about 2 or 3 times over the past few months and he always flaked out. Said "raincheck" or yes, but then never texted about it (of course, I didn't either). I asked him why he blew me off, and he said it was because he wasn't over his ex girlfriend.

 

-I don't like it that I'm always the one to contact him. I never get a spontaneous text from him or anything - never him suggesting we get together - always me.

 

-He doesn't make the first move. I kissed him. He made a few moves after that, but it was initially me.

 

-He may be seeing someone else. I saw signs of it on his facebook page and he mentioned that he had gone out with a pretty girl a few weeks ago and had a good time.

 

I have some intense feelings for this man - haven't felt this way in a while. I want to do things the right way. I'm just not sure how to go about it. He's such a kind, sweet guy and so much fun. Should I wait for him to make the next move? I was thinking I would wait until Thursday and then if I don't hear from him I will send a casual text - keep it light and fun. Is this okay? Why doesn't he pursue me? I'm sure he knows I'm into him.

[Frogwife]

Does he want you for more than sex? It doesn't sound like he wants you for much of anything. The better question might be: What do YOU want? The good signs are nice but look at the "bad signs" and ask yourself if you're happy with this.

[Charlotte123]

I've forgotten how harsh these forums are.

 

Isn't it possible that he's just a real quiet guy who is not particularly assertive? When I first met him, he sent me the equivalent of a mix tape via facebook. I think not being over your ex is a pretty good excuse for being afraid of getting into something with someone else.

 

Part of what you are saying rings true. I'll hold back. Do all men just relentlessly pursue if they are interested? And don't pursue if they aren't?

[jean2011]

i think he might be holding back because he has feelings for his ex, and if she wants to get back with him, he'll go for it. he probably doesnt want to lead you on too much, and might not be ready for a new relationship. let him get in touch with you, you have done enough work to see him. if he wants to see you, he'll find a way to see you.

[whichwayisup]

If you want to know, I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. Otherwise you're going to sit here and guess what his intentions are or aren't.

 

From what you've said, he likes you but he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you, at least not right now.

 

If he isn't over his ex, then he is playing the field and wants to stay a free man until he's ready. He seems like a nice guy, not one who is going to treat you badly but he isn't going to go out of his way if he isn't into someone, hense him not asking you out again or keeping in touch.

[bittersweet memories]

and wants you for more than sex? I've met someone I really really like. We've actually known each other for about a year, but we were both going through breakups when we met and weren't ready to date. We went out the other night and had so much fun. He is so easy to be with and the physical chemistry is just sizzling - he smells like heaven, kisses really sweet. He's a kind of heart on your sleeve type of guy, so I don't think he is one of those guys who just wants a one night stand, but I don't know if he feels the same way about me that I feel about him. How can you tell?

 

Good signs:

- he kisses me really passionately and respects my physical boundaries.

- we have fun together and have a lot in common.

- he talked a lot about how much he loves children (I have children)

- he appears to be insanely physically attracted to me - but not in an overwhelming way - it's just the kissing was intense.

-after the date he answered my text that I was home safe

-the day after the date he answered my text and we had some silly banter.

 

Conflicting signs:

-I suggested we go out about 2 or 3 times over the past few months and he always flaked out. Said "raincheck" or yes, but then never texted about it (of course, I didn't either). I asked him why he blew me off, and he said it was because he wasn't over his ex girlfriend.

 

-I don't like it that I'm always the one to contact him. I never get a spontaneous text from him or anything - never him suggesting we get together - always me.

 

-He doesn't make the first move. I kissed him. He made a few moves after that, but it was initially me.

 

-He may be seeing someone else. I saw signs of it on his facebook page and he mentioned that he had gone out with a pretty girl a few weeks ago and had a good time.

 

I have some intense feelings for this man - haven't felt this way in a while. I want to do things the right way. I'm just not sure how to go about it. He's such a kind, sweet guy and so much fun. Should I wait for him to make the next move? I was thinking I would wait until Thursday and then if I don't hear from him I will send a casual text - keep it light and fun. Is this okay? Why doesn't he pursue me? I'm sure he knows I'm into him.

 

 

I don't believe he feels the same way about you. Just by what you posted above..

 

When someone is into you, you will know it. You wouldn't have to ask that questioin. He would basically be doing everything you're doing.

[Charlotte123]

His ex lives with another man. I think he's over her. It's been a year.

 

He really does seem to like me - the flake scenarios were months ago. I don't want to reveal too much about our conversations, but we talked about a lot of stuff and some pretty intense kissing. I know he's definitely really physically attracted to me - if that means anything.

 

I do think he likes me, it's just that I had a bad breakup last year and I don't want to put my heart on the line unless I'm sure the guy is serious - or at least open to it. Also, I'm a little older than him, and that makes me insecure. I talked to one of our mutual friends about it, and he said "you need to make a decision" (whatever that means). He also said "He's a really good man."

 

He didn't push the sex thing - although I know we've both been wanting to do it since the day we met. We had SO much fun together.

 

So I was thinking if I didn't hear from him by Thursday I'd send a casual text. This is a bad idea? He needs to definitely make the next move or he's not interested?

 

btw he knows I'm dating other people too, and I've made some comments like I'm not ready for a relationship right now (in other contexts) and I said the other night - he called it a date - I said it's not a date, you're too young, so maybe I'm the one making the mess of it.

Edited October 18, 2011 by Charlotte123

[thatone]

yeah, you are the one making a mess of it.

 

if you're that interested in him you wouldn't be dating other people. nor would you tell him you were. if you tell him you don't want a relationship then he's not going to offer you one, that's why he never contacts you first.

 

so if you want what you say you want, then you need to tell him...

 

a) i'm not going to date anyone else, i want to be with you

b) i do see a future with us, if you're interested in progressing toward that

 

and you have to see what he says.

 

there is NO WAY that you will play passive and have him offer you what you want. it's a two way street. so if he's what you want you have to show him something in return. there are no moves for him to make at this point, there are moves for YOU to make.

[musemaj11]

This thread proves that when a woman is really into a guy, she won't be able to restrain herself from pursuing him.

 

When someone is genuinely into you, you can tell. That person (man/woman) will show an effort to be with you.

[counterman]

If a guy is really into you, he'll make it known. Isn't over his ex-girlfriend? Please. Depending on the situation, that could be saying "I'm just not into you", just like when I told a girl I wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

I've had girls I thought I had awesome fun with before but I think I never did was make excuses for them. Actions speak louder than words. If someone is interested, they'll put in effort, and it will never, ever be one-sided.