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Girl texts/calls me constantly but never wants to hang out anymore and lies about....


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Old 12th October 2011, 3:23 PM   #1
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Girl texts/calls me constantly but never wants to hang out anymore and lies about....

Ok, so this is the most confusing girl I've ever been with. Here's how our "relationship" has gone so far.

Week 1:
I ask her out after meeting her briefly at a local place to eat. We go out for a quick drink two nights later and have a pretty good time. It was only a quick get together to get a feel for the other person, plus it was a work night so we only spent about 90 minutes together.

I ask her out again to come to the same bar, it's still a work night but we're going with a bunch of other couples/people I know. She comes and brings a few of her friends. We spend the entire night talking and laughing. Neither of us said a word to either of our friends and just sat next to each other at the bar for a good 4-5 hours. We have a metric crap ton in common and have very similar families and sense of humor. I quickly develop a crush and by the end of the night we both admit our respective crushes to each other. She comes over to my apartment and I ask her if she wants me to bring her home. She says no, smiles, and ends up sleeping over. We end up having sex and afterwards lay in bed talking and laughing all night. This girl is amazing.

The next day we're both completely tired from getting no sleep, but go to work anyway. We both slack off all day and text back and forth until it's time to go home. She comes over again straight after work. We take a shower together, but we're both so tired we end up just falling asleep cuddling on the couch.

Over the next couple of days she comes over a lot, but never again sleeps over and we never get further than making out on the couch. That's more than fine by me as it might have been too soon anyway, but we're still laughing and getting along great.

Week 2:
We hang out on Monday and have a good time like usual. She says she can't wait to see me again and I go home happy as usual after dropping her off......here is where things get confusing. I ask her if she wants to hang out every day for the next week....every single time she has an excuse. I start to get suspicious because some of her "excuses" are very suspicious.

Reasons why she can't go out/come over:
-She's sick but still goes to work every day and finds time to go to a local Oktoberfest with her friends. Also texts me about going bike riding through the park even though she had just turned me down because she was too sick...

-She has to go to a family friends funeral........at 11pm at night....This seemed like a last second panic lie it was so bad..

-She has to work on the weekend.....yet when I get on Facebook there are brand new pictures of her with her friends up at Navy pier in the middle of the day. I check her friends FB wall and sure enough she talks about going to Navy Pier that weekend...



So I politely and understandingly confront her with the evidence I have. I even tell her that I understand why she might want to lie and that I'm not mad but would prefer it if she at least told me she didn't want to go out with me. She denies ever lying but doesn't get mad that I accused her. She just quickly moves on...maybe I should have been a bit more confrontational.

Week 3:
Same as week 2. I got her to go out one night and again we had fun. No weirdness at all. Again we kissed for awhile and then she went home. I thought things were back on.........but then she was back to using excuses to get out of being with me. The entire rest of the week she avoided me and was obviously lying again. Once she said she was out of town helping family, but I just happened to be driving by her house on my way to work and she was standing outside talking to her sister.....cmon...



So that's where I'm at right now. Normally I'd think she just doesn't like me that much and I'd just stop trying, but every single day she initiates contact with me. I rarely start conversations, she does. She'll text me in the morning to ask how I'm doing, she'll call in the afternoon to see how my day is, etc.

Why does she always want to talk to me, but never ever wants to see me in person? I'm not horribly deformed, and I really doubt that talking to me is intellectually rewarding enough to do it exclusively.....what is going on with this girl?

It's driving me crazy because this girl is perfect. Smart, funny, gorgeous, sexy, kind, aggressive (the good kind ;p), etc. How does she go from sleeping with me fairly early on, to never wanting to go out with me but still wanting to talk/text all the time?

What am I missing? Is she just after attention?

I figured it was just the attention, but she spends a lot of nights just sitting alone at her place. If she craved attention, why wouldn't she come hang out with me where she'd get boat loads of it. If she doesn't want to hang out that much, why the hell does she keep talking to me? It's not like she only talks to me so she can talk about herself. She actually asks me questions about my day and my life. Past relationships, what I'm doing later, etc. Why do that if she only wants attention?

I'm very lost. My plan is to give her until this weekend and if we still aren't hanging out, I'm going to confront her a bit more harshly than before. Not yell or get angry, but just tell her that I'm not going to sit around and wait for her.
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Old 12th October 2011, 4:14 PM   #2
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Don't confront.
You arn't in a relationship.
I learned this finally.

IGNORE!
Ignore ignore ignore.
She knows what you want.
Seeking your attention while not wanting to provide it is wasting your time.

She isn't stupid. Well maybe she is, but she does know what she is doing.
Which is jerking you around, playing games & lying.

Back off. way off.
Like start dating someone else.

It almost sounds like she has a boyfriend somewhere & she doesn't want to get caught, just isn't all that into you or has some serious baggage.

either way you've wasted how many weeks chasing this chick?
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Old 12th October 2011, 4:27 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phineas View Post
Don't confront.
You arn't in a relationship.
I learned this finally.

IGNORE!
Ignore ignore ignore.
She knows what you want.
Seeking your attention while not wanting to provide it is wasting your time.

She isn't stupid. Well maybe she is, but she does know what she is doing.
Which is jerking you around, playing games & lying.

Back off. way off.
Like start dating someone else.

It almost sounds like she has a boyfriend somewhere & she doesn't want to get caught, just isn't all that into you or has some serious baggage.

either way you've wasted how many weeks chasing this chick?
^^^co-sign. I find it very hard to believe this girl doesn't know she's sending mixed signals. She needs to decide if she's in or out and stop wasting your time.
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Old 12th October 2011, 4:48 PM   #4
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One thing I forgot to mention is that she broke up with her boyfriend of two years and moved back home from Kansas (we're in Illinois) two months ago.

She also says that he hit her and that's why she left. I don't know if I believe her because of the previous lying, but her story does fit with what some of her friends say so I don't know.


I find it hard to believe someone would knowingly do this to someone. Maybe I'm just not an ******* like a lot of other people out there.
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Old 12th October 2011, 4:53 PM   #5
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It's a bad situation. There must be other girls out there for you.
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Old 12th October 2011, 5:03 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabian View Post
One thing I forgot to mention is that she broke up with her boyfriend of two years and moved back home from Kansas (we're in Illinois) two months ago.

She also says that he hit her and that's why she left. I don't know if I believe her because of the previous lying, but her story does fit with what some of her friends say so I don't know.


I find it hard to believe someone would knowingly do this to someone. Maybe I'm just not an ******* like a lot of other people out there.
Her previous baggage has nothing to do with being attracted to you. If she's interested in you, there's nothing threatening in continuing to have good times with you. You are not that ex.


For me, the lying would be a huge red flag. Especially since she's not really making any effort to hide the lies. She's either stupid or she doesn't care. I think if you continue to try to see her, you'll only end up more frustrated and/or very hurt.
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Old 12th October 2011, 5:36 PM   #7
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I agree with the others. If she said she wasn't feeling well for a week or so, I know some women prefer to not be out with a new guy when Aunt Flo visits. However, this situation seems to scream that she has a bf or that something else is going on. Ignore her.
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Old 12th October 2011, 6:11 PM   #8
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I agree with the others. If she said she wasn't feeling well for a week or so, I know some women prefer to not be out with a new guy when Aunt Flo visits. However, this situation seems to scream that she has a bf or that something else is going on. Ignore her.
That's what I was thinking at first. I mean it seemed like she changed on a dime. So I was wondering if it was that time too, but it's been awhile so unless there are some crazy coincidences going on and she happened to get sick right after her period than something is wrong.


Am I wrong in wanting to see her at least 3 times a week? I thought that 3 was the norm but after doing some looking apparently there are some people who only see people they're dating a few times a month.....that seems crazy to me.
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Old 12th October 2011, 6:16 PM   #9
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Ships that pass in the night. Enjoy the good memories and let go of any bad feelings. She's not into what you're into. Take it easy.
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Old 12th October 2011, 7:14 PM   #10
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Stop putting up with her behaviour. Seriously. Just back way off. **** that noise, why be mad about behaviour like that when you can just not deal with it.
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Old 12th October 2011, 7:26 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Sabian View Post
That's what I was thinking at first. I mean it seemed like she changed on a dime. So I was wondering if it was that time too, but it's been awhile so unless there are some crazy coincidences going on and she happened to get sick right after her period than something is wrong.


Am I wrong in wanting to see her at least 3 times a week? I thought that 3 was the norm but after doing some looking apparently there are some people who only see people they're dating a few times a month.....that seems crazy to me.

There are women who have wanted to see me only once a week in relationships and others who wanted to see me everyday. I will say that the ones who wanted to see me only once a week or so were more interested in FWB-like relationship than a real, long-term thing. I think 3 times a week is normal for a relationship, but you guys just met and that takes a bit of time. The bigger issue is the lying. If she can't be honest with you now about things, than how will she be if things continue. Either way, she seems to be treating the whole thing like a fling more than a consistent relationship. That to me means that she may be ambivalent (not indifferent, but ambivalent) about you or that she may simply be a less consistent, more passionate/flaky, go with the moment type. Either way, it does not sound like what you want.
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