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Why do all guys I date stop losing interest too quickly? Is there something wrong?


annabanana85

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annabanana85

I am a 25 year old girl who is considered very smart, pretty and attractive. I am a graduate student and am smart, intellectual, well-spoken and well-read. I have a lot of hobbies and have been playing the piano for 10 years. I am considered very attractive and have a lot of friends. I own a nice apartment and dress well.

 

The guys I've dated all seemed to lose interest in me pretty soon in the game (~1 month) and according to my friends they were all way below my league. They were not particularly attractive guys and most of them did not have decent jobs or were particularly charismatic.

 

To give you some examples, one of them was a broke construction worker and the other one was a very short and non-attractive guy. I've mostly met these guys at night clubs, bars and parties.

 

So why did they lose interest in me after a month? In the beginning, they were all super affectionate and interested and were declaring their adoration and love but the interest would taper off after two weeks. I really want to know what is wrong with me. I feel depressed :( Help!

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Cracker Jack

Maybe they realized that you were really out of their league? During the time you were dating these guys, were you expressing interest in them?

 

I dunno. If they weren't good catches to you, it shouldn't matter.

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How much fun are you to be around? Maybe they don't like being referred to as a broke construction worker or very short non attractive guy. They probably realize you aren't interested after a few weeks and move on.

 

Try going after somebody who is "in your league". You'll probably be happier and more interested when you're out with them.

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annabanana85

I expressed a lot of interest in them; I was very affectionate and was really nice to them. The first guy (the construction worker) told me that he needs time to think whether he wants to be in a relationship with me and that he will contact me in a month. Then he never contacted me.

 

The second guy stopped being affectionate and sending me text messages after not even 2 weeks. The guys before were all similar. The pattern was that in the beginning it seemed perfect, they were very affectionate and we spent a lot of time together expressing great interest. Then the contact started to taper and they lost interest :(

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Cracker Jack

I see.

 

Well, there could be a ton of reasons why they seemingly lose interest in you. It is possible that they thought they weren't worth your time, but it's also possible that they simply just lost interest for some reason. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, based on what you typed here.

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OnyxSnowfall

Well... it could be any number of things. Are you sleeping with them right away?

 

Regardless... I've noticed that some men are highly intimidated by a cultivated woman --- and if your intelligence/wit/skills supersedes theirs... you have to be extremely careful not to make them feel emasculated :lmao:

 

It's possibly these men get to feeling uncomfortable with you --- feeling "inferior" or like there's some "catch" or something...

 

or if you're too clingy / showy right away, they are just naturally being put off by it --- maybe they're just the types that are in for the chase.

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annabanana85

Well I've usually slept with them on the second date but most of them seemed really interested prior to that. Several of them told me that they were in love with me even as early as the second date and were talking about long term plans.

 

I am definitely very humble and am not condescending at all. So I do not know how I can appear less intimidating without being dishonest :(

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Eddie Edirol

There isnt enough info to make a determination as to why youre getting snubbed Anna. We would need to know about what was said during dates, your personality, and your bad traits as well as the good, and if you slept with any of these men before they broke away. If you didnt, then thats why they broke off. they just wanted sex and nothing else. Maybe theres hygene issues you dont know about?

 

For instance what happened at the date of the last guy before he tapered off?

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OnyxSnowfall
Well I've usually slept with them on the second date but most of them seemed really interested prior to that. Several of them told me that they were in love with me even as early as the second date and were talking about long term plans.

 

I am definitely very humble and am not condescending at all. So I do not know how I can appear less intimidating without being dishonest :(

 

Don't believe these men PLEASE don't believe them :eek:

 

In my experience, those are the kind of men that just want to bang you and leave you. How do they know they're in love with you when they don't even KNOW you yet? I always wrote off men that told me they "loved" me early on...

 

It's a really typical bull-**** line and belying it is often raw, generic lust.

 

Also, "talk" about long-term plans is CHEAP... until they are in effect, they mean little to nothing.

 

You need to raise your standards... unless you enjoy sharing your body with such men and don't mind whether they stay or go --- then that is certainly your prerogative.

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annabanana85

I usually sleep with them on the second date as I said before. And the interest tapers off after the fourth date or so.

 

I do not have any hygfiene issues as far as I know; I always take a shower and brush my teeth before the dates :/

 

On the last date, I do not recall anything strange. We met for drinks then I went to his place and we had sex. He made me breakfast the next morning and I left. With the guy before then the interest started to taper off all of a sudden. And he told me that he is having doubts but still wanted to see me. Then we went on a date where we spent the whole day together. It was amazing. After the date, he told me that he wants a month break to see if he wants to get into a serious relationship and that I am the right girl for him but he is not sure that he wants a relationship. He even started crying but he has not contacted me since!

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OnyxSnowfall
I usually sleep with them on the second date as I said before. And the interest tapers off after the fourth date or so.

 

I do not have any hygfiene issues as far as I know; I always take a shower and brush my teeth before the dates :/

 

On the last date, I do not recall anything strange. We met for drinks then I went to his place and we had sex. He made me breakfast the next morning and I left. With the guy before then the interest started to taper off all of a sudden. And he told me that he is having doubts but still wanted to see me. Then we went on a date where we spent the whole day together. It was amazing. After the date, he told me that he wants a month break to see if he wants to get into a serious relationship and that I am the right girl for him but he is not sure that he wants a relationship. He even started crying but he has not contacted me since!

 

Some guys (plenty rather) have double standards --- if you put out too easily in their eyes, they won't think you are relationship material.

 

Of course, others get bored... you didn't make them work for their "goal"(sex)... if they don't develop an emotional attachment for you prior to sex, then some of them won't allow themselves to ever develop one afterwards.

 

There are men who see things differently, but you will have to find them nonetheless...

Edited by OnyxSnowfall
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Stop going out with guys you’re not that into. Also could we go on two dates… Get the joke I made there?

 

You seem like a cool chick but stop being so hard on yourself!

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Well I've usually slept with them on the second date but most of them seemed really interested prior to that.

 

THAT is the problem.

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I am a 25 year old girl who is considered very smart, pretty and attractive. I am a graduate student and am smart, intellectual, well-spoken and well-read. I have a lot of hobbies and have been playing the piano for 10 years. I am considered very attractive and have a lot of friends. I own a nice apartment and dress well.

 

The guys I've dated all seemed to lose interest in me pretty soon in the game (~1 month) and according to my friends they were all way below my league. They were not particularly attractive guys and most of them did not have decent jobs or were particularly charismatic.

 

To give you some examples, one of them was a broke construction worker and the other one was a very short and non-attractive guy. I've mostly met these guys at night clubs, bars and parties.

 

So why did they lose interest in me after a month? In the beginning, they were all super affectionate and interested and were declaring their adoration and love but the interest would taper off after two weeks. I really want to know what is wrong with me. I feel depressed :( Help!

 

Look at the quality of guys you're dating: broke construction workers and a midget? I mean, seriously? You know what, I'm tired of women claiming to be hot mamas when they're really 3s. I wanna see some pictures!

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THAT is the problem.

 

hmmm doubtful. A lot of girls have sex on the first date and go on to have long relationships.

 

Problem is she dates guys she's not into.

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annabanana85

I would post pics but am protective of my privacy. I am 5'6", weigh 115 pounds and have a pretty good body. I have very long brunette hair and people always compliment me on my eyes. I can reassure you that I am lying and everywhere I go, I get approached by guys who tell me that I have a very pretty face.

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annabanana85

The thing is I was very into these guys because my type of guy is different than the conventional guy. I am not looking for money and career; I like fun loving guys who are smart and affectionate. I do not care for their education or how much money they have in the bank. I also like boyish looking short guys and my standards of physical beauty seems to be different from most women.

 

I am also a foreigner, so most guys I date seem to be foreigners. It is just that most foreign guys in my city tend to be blue collar workers.

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The thing is I was very into these guys because my type of guy is different than the conventional guy. I am not looking for money and career; I like fun loving guys who are smart and affectionate. I do not care for their education or how much money they have in the bank. I also like boyish looking short guys and my standards of physical beauty seems to be different from most women.

 

I am also a foreigner, so most guys I date seem to be foreigners. It is just that most foreign guys in my city tend to be blue collar workers.

 

I just wouldn't worry about it then you sound pretty great to me. You'll probably have some guy taking a bullet for you by this weekend.

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Cracker Jack

You're pretty lenient in what you're looking for in a man.

 

You sound like a really nice woman. I'm sure your experience in dating will get better.

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" I've mostly met these guys at night clubs, bars and parties."

 

I don't understand this: You have lots of friends--why aren't they introducing you to guys? You have lots of hobbies--why aren't you meeting guys at the organizations, events for these hobbies? You are a graduate student--why aren't you meeting guys in class, at departmental meetings...? To me it looks like you are meeting guys at places they go to to find one-night stands, instead of the places where you are more likely to find relationship material.

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You're pretty lenient in what you're looking for in a man.

 

You sound like a really nice woman. I'm sure your experience in dating will get better.

 

I like that she's foreign too

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I would post pics but am protective of my privacy. I am 5'6", weigh 115 pounds and have a pretty good body. I have very long brunette hair and people always compliment me on my eyes. I can reassure you that I am lying and everywhere I go, I get approached by guys who tell me that I have a very pretty face.

 

I can understand the privacy part but I still need to see something. Send me a message and I'll insert my email and you post a private picture to me for review.

 

As far as guys dropping you so quickly, my guess is that you're putting out too soon. What's your problem with that? Can't you hold off a little bit until you get to know them much better? I certainly would.

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annabanana85

Thanks for the encouraging words guys, I was feeling super depressed and insecure :/ Well it could be that I'm putting out too soon but mostly I just went with the flow because the spark was too strong.

 

I guess it could be that I'm looking for love in the wrong place (aka nightclub). But I don't know where else to meet guys because I don't meet any new people recently since I already know all of my friends' friends and I only work with 3 people.

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Thanks for the encouraging words guys, I was feeling super depressed and insecure :/ Well it could be that I'm putting out too soon but mostly I just went with the flow because the spark was too strong.

 

I guess it could be that I'm looking for love in the wrong place (aka nightclub). But I don't know where else to meet guys because I don't meet any new people recently since I already know all of my friends' friends and I only work with 3 people.

 

If you live in California I'd love to set you up with Somedude81. He's a short down to earth guy. He'd also probably become obsessed with you and never leave.

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