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gamechanger

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in all of your experiences what have been some of your red flags which have been deal breakers or caused you to end your relationship? just wondering?

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SimplyRoxy16

Getting too attached too fast, catching him in lies or just stories not lining up ... I have dated several people who showed red flags from the get go but I ignored them. Basically I found the guys who has issues and were looking for someone to fix them so they became my best friend after the first date, calling, texting, showing up all the time. Just too fast too quick which then I realized was the way with every girl they dated.

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misssmartypants

Lived with his mom, his adult brother, and his two children in a two bedroom apartment, and wanted me to spend the night there when I had an empty four bedroom house we could be spending the night in.

 

Wanted to be a professional weight lifter.

 

Was in a band and was convinced they were going places.

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Ones from my life:

 

One guy: Drinking too much.

 

Another: Manipulating people into doing things for him (like give him money).

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A few red flags I can think of off hand are:

 

-showing up drunk for a date

-calling/texting at bar close

-does not invite you to his/her place.. only wants to go to yours

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TooAccepting32

-lives with mom

-has obsessive/controlling/dependent opposite sex friends or exes (or what seems like a harem)

-tries to get you back to their place the first night :sick:

-is cynical about long term relationships/marriage/kids (I don't generally ask, but if they're already defensive...)

-they do something shifty so that you're forced into paying the bill

-haven't seen any behaviour to back up their talk about their intentions and how wonderful they are

-has been to jail (even wose if they blame someone, still worse if it was for stalking or domestic abuse)

-never available on a weekend

-is obviously being mysterious about certain groups of friends, or activities

-most attempts at plans are last minute plans

-hard to get in contact with

-is rude, disrespectful or abusive to others

-you feel drained or less confident about yourself when you're around them

-doesn't have the instinct to be helpful in your time of need

-you feel afraid to seek support from them about things going on in your life because you know they will make you feel worse

-stories not matching up

-you're generally confused, don't know how they feel about you, or where you stand

-you feel crazy

 

Either gender can pull this BS

 

Just remember that truth is generally clear, not confusing, and usually doesn't make you feel crazy or leave a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that can't be explained. A person who is being honest and wants you to know the truth doesn't mind you asking questions to clarify.

If you're left guessing about a person, it's probably because they're hiding something or trying to shift things in a way they want to go -that they know you wouldn't want to if you knew what was really going on.

 

Their intentions, and "right or wrong" don't matter. What matters is whether or not the situation is good for you. If it's a red flag for you, then it's very important even if no one else on earth has the same opinion.

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fortyninethousand322

If a girl is interested/acts interested in me, it's usually the biggest red flag of all. At least IME.

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TooAccepting32
If a girl is interested/acts interested in me, it's usually the biggest red flag of all. At least IME.

 

Really? Why is that?

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Im a woman, so although most of my RED FLAGS can go both ways...

 

* complaining about supporting his children

 

* complaining about support staff at work

 

* Being politically Far Left or Far Right Wing

 

* A man who even so much as mentions his physical prowess in comparison to another.

 

* Someone who is rude to waiters

 

* someone who flirts with waitresses

 

* Someone who picks up the check but makes sure I know the amount

 

* A red sports car. That should have been first. Its my best and most reliable . The equivalent of running down the highway with a banner stating "I AM IN CRISIS" .

 

* anyone who claims dealing with hired help is taxing

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in all of your experiences what have been some of your red flags which have been deal breakers or caused you to end your relationship? just wondering?

When someone tells you they are bipolar and not on any meds. Even if they seem normal at the time, RUN FOR THE F*CKING HILLS!!:eek::eek::eek::eek:

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TooAccepting32

LOL everyone :)

 

OK I want to add... listen to the stories they tell about their friends, family, exes etc.

 

One guy used to talk about how stupid his female friends were, and proudly describe the invalidating and dismissive things he would say to them when they needed his support. This is how he supports people, and reveals attitudes about women. (I said to myself "thank you very much!", and moved on)

 

Another guy talked about his friend and how awesome he is for getting hookers and blow, irresponsible, violent behaviour etc. This is what he values and admires? (again "thank you for the information!")

 

I don't think I mentioned... if you're a man, avoid women with bad attitudes toward men. If you're a woman avoid men who through their stories reveal bad attitudes toward women. If they already have beliefs about the opposite sex, they'll find a way to make them true about you.

 

A tell tale sign is when they say "Men are ______", "All women _______"

It seems obvious, but I had to learn this in recent years lol.

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Red flags can be somewhat personal. Here are mine from the last few women I dated:

 

House was a mess. (I'm a neat freak.)

Bad, sloppy kisser.

Body odor.

Dating three months and she had never invited me to her apartment.

Crying fit on the first date.

I don't feel sincerely excited about seeing the woman again.

No physical attraction.

First impression is disappointing. (Literally the first time you see her/him.)

No sense of humor. (Seriously, I've met people who don't laugh. WTF?)

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