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Jobless, dating?


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Old 29th September 2011, 10:38 AM   #1
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Jobless, dating?

Should I approach somebody even though I know I have no finances? Place where I live has 20 % unemployment rate, its a major problem here, its well known. But nevertheless it really bugs me, and its subconcioussly always in my mind, like Im inadequate.
I had some eye chemistry with 2 women (one is older than me, independant, and other is younger, status unknown), and definitely will have this chemistry feeling in future, I know it returns often.
My dating experience is minimal, one major heartbreak over a girl who denied me everything, and one rebound girl with whom I dated- went to cafes and stuff, but we were clearly no match. Im 27 years old male.
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Old 29th September 2011, 12:53 PM   #2
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You can try...but if the women you want have plenty of options who have jobs...then you're SOL.

I know whenever I was unemployed I wouldn't bother with dating...even if it meant a dry spell for a few years. I just wasn't thinking about women as much as trying to get my life together.
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Old 29th September 2011, 1:10 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by esteem-jam View Post
Should I approach somebody even though I know I have no finances? Place where I live has 20 % unemployment rate, its a major problem here, its well known. But nevertheless it really bugs me, and its subconcioussly always in my mind, like Im inadequate.
I had some eye chemistry with 2 women (one is older than me, independant, and other is younger, status unknown), and definitely will have this chemistry feeling in future, I know it returns often.
My dating experience is minimal, one major heartbreak over a girl who denied me everything, and one rebound girl with whom I dated- went to cafes and stuff, but we were clearly no match. Im 27 years old male.
I wouldn't recommend putting your dating life on hold because of temporary unemployment. People go through stages in life, and setbacks, and unless it's a cronic condition, most people would consider the temporary unemployment, especially in this economy, as not necessarily a deal breaker. My husband and I had very little money to speak of when we started dating and when we got married. We were both college students, I had no job, he had only a part time job. When we were newlyweds, we were both done with college and both looking for a job. He still only had a part time seasonal job, and we were living on his meager savings. Times were pretty lean for the first few years when he was trying to establish his career, which was commission based only. If you are actively looking for work and this unemployment is not a cronic thing or pattern for you, I don't think this would be a dealbreaker for a lot of people.
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Old 29th September 2011, 2:42 PM   #4
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People go through stages in life, and setbacks, and unless it's a cronic condition, most people would consider the temporary unemployment, especially in this economy, as not necessarily a deal breaker.
If you are actively looking for work and this unemployment is not a cronic thing or pattern for you, I don't think this would be a dealbreaker for a lot of people.
Bad news for me, eh? This is chronic, you cant get a job here unless you know right people and they "promote" you. Though I am always looking at job ads.
I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship, but this job thing is a big thing and people write you off quickly if you dont have one. I write myself off too, but time keeps on going and going.
I know it would be hell to date some girl my age who is stable and who wants kids and marriage and etc, cause I cant offer that, so it will be a lie and gamble from the start- maybe better times will come, maybe not, and if not- it will be like I wasted some girls time. I know I cant go for/offer such gamble. Different with older divorced women, with kids even, that would be perfect in a way, but it would also feel like I am not shaping my own life (marrying, making someone pregnant, rtc). FML.
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Old 29th September 2011, 2:52 PM   #5
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If you are within the EU, then you have the right to work in any country within the EU. Look for a temp agency that can employ you in North Western Europe. Such agencies tend to accommodate housing too. Watch out for shady temp agencies though. The North West EU has plenty of job openings, they can't even get all the open positions filled so they're moving in people from Eastern Europe to fill the positions.
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Old 29th September 2011, 2:56 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by esteem-jam View Post
Bad news for me, eh? This is chronic, you cant get a job here unless you know right people and they "promote" you. Though I am always looking at job ads.
I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship, but this job thing is a big thing and people write you off quickly if you dont have one. I write myself off too, but time keeps on going and going.
I know it would be hell to date some girl my age who is stable and who wants kids and marriage and etc, cause I cant offer that, so it will be a lie and gamble from the start- maybe better times will come, maybe not, and if not- it will be like I wasted some girls time. I know I cant go for/offer such gamble. Different with older divorced women, with kids even, that would be perfect in a way, but it would also feel like I am not shaping my own life (marrying, making someone pregnant, rtc). FML.
If the unemployment is cronic, then that could very well be a deal breaker for a lot of people. I would suggest maybe getting whatever job you can, even if it's not what you would want for the long term, just to have a job. I've had to do that--take a job that was way below the salary I was used to getting, just to make ends meet. I read just yesterday that employers are reluctant to hire anyone that is unemployed and prefer to consider only those who are already employed but looking for a different job. So the advice I'm offering you is to get any job you possibly can at this point--no matter what kind of job it is. Continue to date with the understanding that, for some women, your employment status will be a deal breaker, but for some, it won't be. A lot of people have been in your situation before. If you have a lot of good qualities apart from your employment status, people will take that into consideration. Allow the woman you meet to decide if it is a deal breaker or not. Don't resign yourself to the idea that it will be a deal breaker for everyone, or that it is not fair to a woman. For some, it may not be a deal breaker.
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Old 29th September 2011, 3:26 PM   #7
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I read just yesterday that employers are reluctant to hire anyone that is unemployed and prefer to consider only those who are already employed but looking for a different job. So the advice I'm offering you is to get any job you possibly can at this point--no matter what kind of job it is.
Really? You're actually not the first person that I've heard say that, but it just seems kind of strange to me. I would think the real thing would be supply and demand.

To use me as an example, I'm not currently working. I have a pretty specific skill set and it's in pretty high demand (being a paramedic). Despite the fact that I'm not working, I doubt I'd have a problem getting hired.
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