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Boyfriend doesn't know how to say "No" to people.


Allie32

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My boyfriend is a pretty generous guy, but that also makes him a target for being taken advantage of.

 

A few months ago a woman in her mid forties, I never saw at our apartment building before, came up to me in the parking lot and asked if she could "borrow" 30 dollars. Now of course I said no. I don't loan money to strangers, especially strangers that I believe are "on" something.

 

So a few weeks later bf tells me a woman asked him for a ride to the store, and he gave her one! I told him he was crazy and than asked what she looked like and it turns out its the same woman that asked me for money. I asked him to please never do that again. Too many wackos out there. Not that I don't think he could handle himself but she could have been a real nutcase.

 

He already donates a generous amount of money to a charity once a month, and I think that is wonderful.

 

So we moved from the apt where that woman approached us to a newer place, considered a "luxury" apartment.

 

But don't you know bf comes home tonight from work and tells me that some guy we pass by now and than, approached him and made up some story about not getting paid and he needed 25 dollars for gas. I asked him if he gave it to him and he said the only reason he didn't was because he didn't have cash on him. So he told the guy to wait in the lobby and he would give him a check. I told him absolutely not! The guy he is talking about, I believe doesn't even have a job. He lives here with his gf and kids.

 

So I told him I would go to the lobby and tell the guy we don't lend money to strangers. But when I got there the guy had left.

 

Sometimes I want to strangle my bf. Isn't there a limit for this "niceness"?:mad:

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Well we just went to walk the dog and the guy was sitting on the couch in the lobby. He walked up to my bf expecting a hand out.

 

I told him we couldn't help him because we don't lend money to strangers. My bf stood there and looked at me as if I should feel bad. But I don't.

 

This guy I know doesn't work and I see him many times a week sitting in the parking lot in someone elses car. I think he's up to something shady.

Edited by Allie32
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I can relate to your boyfriend. I give a lot of money away, but sometimes I don't have good boundaries about it. Perhaps your boyfriend can explore what is safe and appropriate giving vs what is not.

 

Instead of giving money to strangers, maybe he can investigate another charity that fights poverty and give it to them. He could also stash his stranger money away and give an anonymous angel gift to a stranger via a foundation.

 

If he makes this decision for himself, he will stick to it. You can't make him not give money to strangers. He needs to own this decision for himself.

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Rule one; never give cash, (checks or credit cards), directly to a stranger. That's just a bad idea. Giving money to charity, volunteering & things of that nature are excellent for ones own spirit but letting a stranger into your car can be extremely dangerous.

 

Being nice & being careless are two different things. And "no", you will not change him & his mother already raised him so that is not something you can or should be attempting to continue.

 

It does sound like he was raised in a smaller city or town than the one you live in now. :-)

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He did have a very different upbringing than I did. I can't fathom walking up to someone in my apt building and asking for money. Shady.

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