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Accept that people with plenty of options can "break the rules"


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Old 21st September 2011, 7:10 PM   #1
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Accept that people with plenty of options can "break the rules"

I'm talking about all those "guidelines" to dating, "Rules of Engagement", and even to some degree monogamy and such.

WHY? Because whoever gets mad at said person can be "easily replaced".

So the guy who won't commit and likes to play the field. He has plenty of women who will sleep with him at a moment's notice because they are all hoping to "tame him". Thus when one woman gets mad he can simply kick her to the curb and play with the rest of his "harem".

Or the woman who might be pals with her ex or likes to flirt with guys all over. The guy whom might be trying to build a RL can get angry at her, but she can easily tell him to buzz off and then move on to the next guy.

Why do I bring this up? To disparage those men and women who get mad at others who seemingly "break the rules" or have a lack of respect for anyone. If they have plenty of options, then they will break the rules and get away with it...because there are others who will gladly overlook the bad behavior.

Stop looking for the world to be fair. Do we all deserve respect? Yes...but when you meet said "bad person", you walk and move on...not work, hope, or argue on why they should be a "good person". The only time they decide to "change" is when they wake up and have no more options...or they are the rare types who actually met the one worth changing for.

The only way you get respect is when you respect yourself by walking and moving on.
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Old 21st September 2011, 7:20 PM   #2
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when you meet said "bad person", you walk and move on...not work, hope, or argue on why they should be a "good person".
LOL, this is good advice, but most people don't realize they're with a "bad person." It's not like people walk around with a sign around their neck that says "I'm a jerk and I will break your heart." Usually it comes as a terrible surprise, and it's shocking and hurtful to make this discovery. People get upset when they've been deceived.
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Old 21st September 2011, 8:13 PM   #3
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i'm content with the statement that in all my 34 years, there were no "surprises" until online dating. and the only surprises there are what the person who shows up is gonna look like and if they even remotely resemble what they wrote about themselves (or if they had their sister/friend/whatever write it for them).

the signs are always there they just need to be observed.

and i'm not saying i was never fooled, i have been, but hindsight always showed signs that could have been seen earlier.
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Old 21st September 2011, 8:32 PM   #4
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i'm content with the statement that in all my 34 years, there were no "surprises" until online dating. and the only surprises there are what the person who shows up is gonna look like and if they even remotely resemble what they wrote about themselves (or if they had their sister/friend/whatever write it for them).

the signs are always there they just need to be observed.

and i'm not saying i was never fooled, i have been, but hindsight always showed signs that could have been seen earlier.
It's amazing how many women online seem to think they're "average" weight wise when they're clearly pretty large.

Grk, I think respect in general society is at an all time low. Is it any surprise that people don't respect their peers in most cases?
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Old 21st September 2011, 9:47 PM   #5
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Or the woman who might be pals with her ex or likes to flirt with guys all over. The guy whom might be trying to build a RL can get angry at her, but she can easily tell him to buzz off and then move on to the next guy..
Can you explain how being pals with an ex makes one a bad person?

I also work around all men. Sorry. The world really does need more engineers.. Maybe I should quit and be a schoolteacher or a nurse so a BF feels secure?
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Old 21st September 2011, 10:00 PM   #6
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OP, you have it totally backwards.

People respect the rules more than they respect the people. Why do I think so? Because thinking outside the box may be OK in the world of business, but for whatever reason, thinking outside the box in the world of singles and dating is NOT appreciated because it shows disrespect for all these rules everyone is supposed to know.

For instance, there's a rule that says "never love the desperate", and another that says "a woman must never pick a man". Anyone who breaks those rules is shunned from then on. Damned if I know why.

There is an exception to this though, and it is spelled M-O-N-E-Y. If a man is rich, many women will be willing to break the rules and pick him---never mind that the guy may be a total creep. He's rich!!! Plus, a rich man can advertise any way he wants to... something men who make less that $100K a year get a lot of flak for when they try it.

So, no... you and I don't see eye to eye on this issue, but you're not on a different planet from me either.
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Old 21st September 2011, 10:03 PM   #7
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Good post Greek. It's true in different ways. I think a lot of people operate on their own rules, and get angry or disappointed when others don't whether in a romantic relationship or any other. It's a bit selfish and presumptuous, imo.

If you're pragmatic, you realize that someone with more options may not have ever had to be humble and try to work things out or know what a truly good option is and value it. I have had a good number of options in my life, but I'm not sure that I had really great options. I don't want to waste any more time with someone who doesn't get the important things or have integrity, for example. However, I don't get bitter when I find I'm dating someone who doesn't have it. I just move on and try to be respectful to both of us.
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Old 21st September 2011, 10:07 PM   #8
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i'm not saying i was never fooled, i have been, but hindsight always showed signs that could have been seen earlier.
In hindsight, I would agree wholeheartedly. The signs were there but I chose to ignore them. It would take a lot of mistakes and ultimately a failed marriage to help teach me to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. They are who they are. Accept it.

Topically, I can't recall any woman I pursued who didn't have a lot of options and, retrospectively, exercised them with skill and dexterity.
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Old 22nd September 2011, 12:21 AM   #9
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grkBOY -

You mention "Rules of Engagement". I only know that term from BDSM.

What does it mean in the regular dating world?
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Old 22nd September 2011, 12:38 AM   #10
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I don't put up with bad behavior and I am not replaceable.

No problem.
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Old 22nd September 2011, 5:28 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Calutaxi484 View Post
It's amazing how many women online seem to think they're "average" weight wise when they're clearly pretty large.
Don't forget that "average" for Americans (both sexes) is overweight these days. (At least, that's the image I get from the media. I haven't trawled through the stats.)

(But, I know what you mean.)
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Old 22nd September 2011, 5:33 AM   #12
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WHY? Because whoever gets mad at said person can be "easily replaced".
Makes sense. When the consequence of bad behaviour is getting yelled at and dumped and then being single for a while (when you didn't want to be single) then there's some incentive to minimise bad behaviour. When the consequence of bad behaviour is being 'rewarded' by being able to replace the annoying person who got mad with another drooling sycophant then one might not even form a link between the person getting mad and the bad behaviour, to the point where the bad behaviour isn't even recognised as such.
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Old 22nd September 2011, 6:54 AM   #13
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IMO title is a misnomer.

Anyone can break the rules, it's just there are consequences. If people without many options decide to break rules and don't care about consequences, then I see no difference, if they had more options.

Regardless, not trying to change anyone is certainly good point.
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Old 22nd September 2011, 6:56 AM   #14
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I would just be glad that people show their true colors. I do agree that as long as society rewards people who treat each other like that things will never change.
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Old 22nd September 2011, 1:45 PM   #15
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grkBOY -

You mention "Rules of Engagement". I only know that term from BDSM.

What does it mean in the regular dating world?

The rules, guidelines, etc...that people speak of or "follow" in their quest to find a SO.

A colleague mentioned to me a woman who posted a photo of her and her ex on her dating site profile. He of course brought up how much it's a faux pas, but I am of the mind that if she's got plenty of men messaging her, wanting to date her, then she can freely "break the rules" and get away with it.

It's like every woman I see who complains why the "ladies man" she covets won't commit and thus tries to fight the idea that he'll "break the rules" simply because he can easily kick her to the curb for other women.
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