FrustratedStandards Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 From my personal opinion and experiences, if the sex isn't good, the relationship can only go so far. And I don't mean bad in the sense that you aren't creative or willing to try new things. I mean bad as in the physicality of it doesn't really turn you on, or his penis is small, or the girl doesn't smell right (for non-hygenic reasons). When the sex is good, you become addicted to that person (for obvious reasons). Everything else becomes a bit easier. Less tensions, more joking around. On the contrary when the sex is bad, it always seems that something is off. Agree? Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Well...how bad is "bad"? Some things can be fixed, some things naturally improve over time, and some things are deal-breakers. If the sex doesn't turn you on at all, that could probably ruin a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FrustratedStandards Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) Well, from a womans perspective, bad for me would be an insufficiently sized penis. Not asking for big, but if I can't enjoy it at all (some penises are too curved also which isnt enjoyable for me) then there's no point. I've never had an orgasm though, which really sucks. This isn't necessarily due to size though, some just don't have the patience, or it takes so long that I end up faking it cuz I begin to get sore. The best sex i've had was 60% to orgasm, and that to me is like "WOW he's a keeper" lol. So bad for me is below 30%. I've also thought about getting a toy, but i'm afraid that with that, sex will become less enjoyable because I have something better. So I have been refraining from getting one. The sex with men is mediocre, I don't want it to be less lol Edited September 16, 2011 by FrustratedStandards Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I've never had an orgasm though, which really sucks. This isn't necessarily due to size though, some just don't have the patience, or it takes so long that I end up faking it cuz I begin to get sore. You can still enjoy sex even if you don't orgasm. I've had some amazing sex that didn't make me orgasm. So if the sex is mediocre, it's not because there's no orgasm. There are a million other factors that determine how enjoyable sex is. And don't fake it. That's insulting to both people. Women don't orgasm every time, it's not a big deal. The best sex i've had was 60% to orgasm, and that to me is like "WOW he's a keeper" lol. So bad for me is below 30%. How the hell do you measure that?! In any case, you shouldn't decide how good or bad the sex is based on how close you came to orgasm. Sex isn't just about the orgasm. There's a lot of other stuff going on. Try paying attention to it, then maybe you won't be so fixated on the elusive orgasm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FrustratedStandards Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 I understand what you mean, and I have enjoyed sex even though I have never had an orgasm. But that's what I mean, if I don't enjoy the sex the guy seems... I dunno not very relevant? Perhaps it's different for me because I don't know what it feels like. For some women its much easier to become stimulated than others. So they can appreciate the sex even if there is no orgasm, but because I have never experienced one, orgasm has become a goal. And if it isn't achieved, I am disappointed once again (unless of course the sex alone was incredible, which isn't often). Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I agree, you need some sort of sexual compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I've never had an orgasm though, which really sucks. Get your man to learn tantric massage! Learn to relax - bath, massage, freplay beforehand. Or practice with you on top at different angles so you can put the right pressure on your cl*t. Or work on meditation so that you can be more in-the-moment. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I've never had an orgasm though, which really sucks. This isn't necessarily due to size though, some just don't have the patience, or it takes so long that I end up faking it cuz I begin to get sore. Are you also talking about not climaxing from clitoral stimulation as well? Many women, including myself, cannot orgasm from internal stimulation alone. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Wait...are you saying that you've never had an orgasm at all, including alone? Because, if that is the case, you need to figure that out for yourself first, so that you can show the guy how you get off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FrustratedStandards Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 Are you also talking about not climaxing from clitoral stimulation as well? Many women, including myself, cannot orgasm from internal stimulation alone. I have had clitoral orgasm from myself. I have told the guys what I prefer and what works, but somehow I can't achieve it with them. When I get close, they get excited and speed up and go harder, when I have told them previously that they shouldn't do that. It throws the beat off. Wait...are you saying that you've never had an orgasm at all, including alone? Because, if that is the case, you need to figure that out for yourself first, so that you can show the guy how you get off. For some reason when they do it, it's not the same. I guess cuz you can't verbalize it all the way through ("now slower, okay speed up, now slow down and go circular"). It would get kind of annoying I would imagine, and I wouldn't want to talk my way through an entire sex session lol I have dated men who know what they are doing, but still nothing. I don't think it's the guys though, I think I just fall into the 10% of women who can never achieve orgasm (internally). Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Are you also talking about not climaxing from clitoral stimulation as well? Many women, including myself, cannot orgasm from internal stimulation alone. Yeah... I can count the times I've had an orgasm through purely vaginal stimulation on one hand (and each time I was absurdly aroused and feeling sexual pleasure without any physical stimulation anyway... also, I've noticed that after a clitoral orgasm, vaginal penetration is much more intense and pleasurable). Frustrated --- it sounds like you at least need simultaneous stimulation (clitoral being crucial) and or perhaps you just aren't mentally there enough to connect with the vaginal stimulation. For better or worse, the clit is inherently more sensitive. I don't think penis size is the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I For some reason when they do it, it's not the same. I guess cuz you can't verbalize it all the way through ("now slower, okay speed up, now slow down and go circular"). It would get kind of annoying I would imagine, and I wouldn't want to talk my way through an entire sex session lol . This is one perk of having at least one long-term sexual partner (IMO anyway). You both get to learn one another's bodies... after a first few experiences together (and guiding), it comes more naturally... and you know there will always be more experiences in the future to enjoy what's been practiced. Just think of it as teaching... once the lessons are learned, exploring from there can go even deeper and new sensations can be discovered =B I actually think it's a fun and erotic process though... if you can find a man who can take gentle criticism and is eager to please, it's well worth it to communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FrustratedStandards Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Yeah... I can count the times I've had an orgasm through purely vaginal stimulation on one hand (and each time I was absurdly aroused and feeling sexual pleasure without any physical stimulation anyway... also, I've noticed that after a clitoral orgasm, vaginal penetration is much more intense and pleasurable). Frustrated --- it sounds like you at least need simultaneous stimulation (clitoral being crucial) and or perhaps you just aren't mentally there enough to connect with the vaginal stimulation. For better or worse, the clit is inherently more sensitive. I've tried these things, and again, it doesn't work. It's not that it doesn't necessarily feel good, many times its too much stimulation (no longer enjoyable) and if it's just enough either the guys succumbs or it takes too long and I get sore. Which is why I consider a toy. I can't blame every guy I have ever dated for my inability to orgasm. But again, will my use of a toy make sex less enjoyable (since I have better stimulation elsewhere)? Edited September 17, 2011 by FrustratedStandards Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) I've tried these things, and again, it doesn't work. It's not that it doesn't necessarily feel good, many times its too much stimulation (no longer enjoyable) and if it's just enough either the guys succumbs or it takes too long and I get sore. Which is why I consider a toy. I can't blame every guy I have ever dating for my inability to orgasm. But again, will my use of a toy make sex less enjoyable (since I have better stimulation elsewhere)? Yeah, over-stimulation is not good. It resets the progress to the orgasm... things need to be taken slow again and built up. You can consider a toy, but I don't know if it's good to learn to *rely* on it. Toys are better as a novelty (but it may be a good place to start). I think your best bet is to tell these men to slow down and that it feels better when they do (when they start to overkill). Then when you feel like you're ready to get more into it and need more pressure / motion, perhaps take their hand (if they're using that) and dip into it while pushing it quicker against you (or if it's their tongue, encourage speed through moanings/hot ways of saying yes go quicker) etc. I do know what it's like to get over-stimulated and then to get sore or even to lose the thought process and have things just suddenly become too intense. A man that wants to please you won't mind drawing it out longer though, and stepping back and trying again after a cool down if necessary. Ideally, sex lasts awhile anyways Edited September 17, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Do you help him out, adding your own "special touch" to the action? There is no rule that says only his hands can touch you! Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 This does not help me feel better about being an almost 29 year old virgin! I think you just need to find someone you're sexually compatible with. This guy is not it. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 This does not help me feel better about being an almost 29 year old virgin! howcome? Oh my current boyfriend was pretty much completely inexperienced when we met (he was 28 when we became intimate) and he's truly the best lover I've ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Learn how to ****. Yes, I'm in a bad mood. Link to post Share on other sites
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