sillcilla Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Hi there I love LS and always browse whilst at work. You lot helped me get over a bad, bad break up last year and I am now happily dating. I have a question- I am still in contact with my ex boyfriend who broke up with me last year. He told me the other day that after we broke up, in order to heal, he started a relationship with someone he met in a bar. They slept together straight away and then, despite him being unsure as to whether he wanted to have a relationship, he called her and they started dating. He said he had doubts throughout and in his heart of hearts knew they were incompatible - in terms of personality, sex, values. However he forced this relationship to work by ignoring these differences because he WANTED it to work. He wanted to be in a relationship again. He is still with her but says he wants out as it was a rebound and he doesn't love her. I don't want to start seeing him again and he doesn't want me back either -he just wants to be single. But he's been with his current girlfriend for 13 months now. 13 months of going through the motions but not really feelinf it. I think that he's kidding himself and does actually love her as he's been with her so long now. What do you think? Can you FORCE a relationship to work even though you think it won't. After a while will you just become so used to it that you actually start to develop real feelings? And are these feelings deeper as you weren't expecting them or worrying/hoping that the other person feels the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Sounds like he's just indifferent to her. You can't force yourself to feel a certain way, but you might be able to go through the motions. Some people are better at this than others. Usually it's not very convincing. And it's pointless anyway, since it's not making you happy. More to the point, why is he telling you all of this? This is really between him and his current gf. Telling you the details of his rebound relationship seems really inappropriate. I feel bad for his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Trolly Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Sounds like he's just indifferent to her. You can't force yourself to feel a certain way, but you might be able to go through the motions. Some people are better at this than others. Usually it's not very convincing. And it's pointless anyway, since it's not making you happy. More to the point, why is he telling you all of this? This is really between him and his current gf. Telling you the details of his rebound relationship seems really inappropriate. I feel bad for his gf. I pretty much agree with everything Cypress said. You can't force loving feelings. I actually think that staying in a relationship with a person you don't love is unkind and insensitive to the other person who may have true feelings of love. It is odd that he tells you such intimate details of his relationship btw. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 You can't force a relationship to work. It either does or it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Don't bother just find someone else you can fall in love with.. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
linkinghabit Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 it won't definitely work...you're just hurting yourself and the other party as well, you'll both suffer so try to move on Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Hi there I love LS and always browse whilst at work. You lot helped me get over a bad, bad break up last year and I am now happily dating. I have a question- I am still in contact with my ex boyfriend who broke up with me last year. He told me the other day that after we broke up, in order to heal, he started a relationship with someone he met in a bar. They slept together straight away and then, despite him being unsure as to whether he wanted to have a relationship, he called her and they started dating. He said he had doubts throughout and in his heart of hearts knew they were incompatible - in terms of personality, sex, values. However he forced this relationship to work by ignoring these differences because he WANTED it to work. He wanted to be in a relationship again. He is still with her but says he wants out as it was a rebound and he doesn't love her. I don't want to start seeing him again and he doesn't want me back either -he just wants to be single. But he's been with his current girlfriend for 13 months now. 13 months of going through the motions but not really feelinf it. I think that he's kidding himself and does actually love her as he's been with her so long now. What do you think? Can you FORCE a relationship to work even though you think it won't. After a while will you just become so used to it that you actually start to develop real feelings? And are these feelings deeper as you weren't expecting them or worrying/hoping that the other person feels the same? I think you should be asking yourself WHY you are in contact with an ex who previously dumped you, who you KNOW is in a longterm relationship with someone else and if that's not enough, he's admitting private details about their relationship and telling you that he's not really into her but yet he remains. Why would you give a clown like this the time of day? How would you feel if you were the girlfriend in this situation and your guy was having such conversations with an ex? He sounds like a real a-hole to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sillcilla Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I think you should be asking yourself WHY you are in contact with an ex who previously dumped you, who you KNOW is in a longterm relationship with someone else and if that's not enough, he's admitting private details about their relationship and telling you that he's not really into her but yet he remains. Why would you give a clown like this the time of day? How would you feel if you were the girlfriend in this situation and your guy was having such conversations with an ex? He sounds like a real a-hole to me. Hi we're just friends, known each other for years. Had a period of non-contact after we broke up then meet up for lunch every couple of months or so. The most recent time we met he had a few drinks and I guess felt he needed to open up to someone about his relationship. He's a guy and doesn't talk about such things with his friends/family. I am the closest female friend he has. I told him I felt awkward him talking about his girlfriend and so he stopped but he had already said by then what I put in my 1st post here. Background - We met through friends in 2002. He didn't leave me for someone else, we had both been single for a while before we got together and were in a relationship for four years. He broke up with me as I wanted to settle down, have kids, etc, and he didn't. It was for the best. I am now seeing someone who isn't as much of a commitment-phobe! Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 There's an expression. Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships. I think this is fairly comment for men, to ensure regular sex and well, because women tend to be pretty good at taking care of men in general. So yes, men will fake relationships in order to not be alone. It's dishonest and selfish, and I feel really sorry for you and the current gf. He doesn't sound like a winner at all. It sounds like the problem is that he doesn't really know how to love someone else. Kind of hard to when your'e selfish. Just be glad he's not your problem anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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