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anyone dating someone with severe anxiety/social anxiety?


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Old 16th September 2011, 10:23 AM   #1
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anyone dating someone with severe anxiety/social anxiety?

Any advice on dating a person like this versus dating someone without would be appreciated.
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Old 16th September 2011, 11:19 AM   #2
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Is there any more background information? It's hard to give advice when there is so little to go on.
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Old 16th September 2011, 3:50 PM   #3
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Yes sorry...well let's see. I am trying to be supportive but I know I cannot be too overbearing because of his anxiety issues. He needs a lot of time to himself so I let him make the plans. He often breaks them and before I thought it was that he didn't want to see me, but I have been reading a lot and talking a lot and I know now it is having to do with anxiety and really nothing to do with me. I know a lot of it is just him having to decide whether or not he wants to deal with it or confront his issues more, I just want to show that I am supportive too I guess. He has never come right out and said he has the anxiety problems, but it is something I have dealt with for most of my life, just in more recent years I have gotten over a lot of it. I don't know if its ok for me to say that to him that I know.
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Old 16th September 2011, 4:42 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by J200 View Post
I am a female but I have turned down a guy before due to my anxiety. He asked me to go out and I didn't feel like I could deal being in his presence because he was so cute; my anxiety was too overwhelming so I had to decline. I didn't feel like I could stand to eat around him or talk to him for an extended period of time. I'm ok with being alone forever though but that's just me.

If I don't like a guy then I don't have this anxiety but when I do like a guy I can't date them. I tend to have social anxiety in general too; I don't really like talking to people and I'm not social. I like to hide out at home.
Yes, see we have already broke up once. I really want it to work though because I care for him so much. He will always ask why I am with him, he doesn't understand etc. I don't want to push him away again and now that I understand why things are happening I think I can deal with it better, I just want him to know he can trust me I guess.
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Old 16th September 2011, 4:47 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by J200 View Post
I wouldn't have this anxiety if the other person was my BF or if I was "used" to them already. It's mainly for "new people"; I can't get to know new people. however, if I'm exposed to someone 100 times then of course I become desensitized and the anxiety wanes.

Would you be able to openly talk and admit to your anxieties? I don't know if I would really be crossing lines with him if I tried to talk to him about it.
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Old 16th September 2011, 5:18 PM   #6
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Social anxiety overshadowed my life for 15 years.

I lost my soul mate because of it.

I went to my doctor who prescribed citalopram and talking therapy.

8 Months later I am in a place I never thought I would be and I actively seek to put myself in situations that would have been too daunting in the past.

I wish I had done this all those years ago... I've missed out on zoo much.

It's a **** disease and anyone thinking they're helping by assisting with avoidance tactics are not doing any one any favours.

The only problem here is getting the sufferer to realise that it is curable and in turn for them to want to be cured.

Good luck
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Old 16th September 2011, 5:26 PM   #7
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I never did. But a word to the wise is to get this person taking about their views. Sometimes it's not anxiety but phobia and that's deeper and more problematic.
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Old 16th September 2011, 6:26 PM   #8
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Thank you both for sharing! I guess I will try proceeding with caution, maybe if I talk about my own experiences it could be a way for him to talk about it with me, or at least leave the door open so he knows I don't think it is weird or he needs to hide it from me.
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Old 16th September 2011, 6:32 PM   #9
 
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I have severe social anxiety, and it definitely has had a detrimental effect on my dating life. I never have dated anyone.

My advice is to take it slow, be patient, and realize that Rome wasn't built in a day.
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Old 16th September 2011, 6:37 PM   #10
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Yes before me he had only had a few girlfriends where it only lasted a few weeks. He freaks out and breaks up, I have been his longest girlfriend. I really really like him though and now that I understand the problem and that he isn't being one of the douche bags at all like are around this town I am making a lot of effort.
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Old 16th September 2011, 6:56 PM   #11
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How did the two of you meet?

Full disclosure: I am asking because I also have crippling social anxiety and need ideas.
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Old 16th September 2011, 6:56 PM   #12
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I don't understand the desire to date somebody with social anxiety. You're basically going to have to do all of the work.

What attracted you to him? Was he aggressive at all?
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Old 16th September 2011, 7:01 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Red Arremer View Post
How did the two of you meet?

Full disclosure: I am asking because I also have crippling social anxiety and need ideas.
I met some friends out one night and he showed up later with a guy who is a friend with one of my friends. We hit it off immediately despite how shy we both are.
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Old 16th September 2011, 7:04 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by somedude81 View Post
I don't understand the desire to date somebody with social anxiety. You're basically going to have to do all of the work.

What attracted you to him? Was he aggressive at all?

People with social anxiety deserve love in their life too.

I am attracted to him because he is absolutely not aggressive at all, we are basically the same person. We have all the same interests, I am quite shy too so I can relate to him a lot. It is just much more magnified for him and at first I think I was not so trusting because of some horrid experiences in my past relationships, so I thought he was just being a jerk when he would cancel but it isn't it at all I realize now. I'm used to being the "****ed up" person in the relationship and I have really gotten over a lot of problems in my past and I still have some to deal with but I feel very connected to this guy.

Last edited by maylis; 16th September 2011 at 7:07 PM..
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Old 16th September 2011, 7:17 PM   #15
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He must be really good looking becuase I can't imagine a woman going after a guy who is "absolutely not aggressive at all."

How did you two even get together. I doubt he was the one who approached you.
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