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screwed up on 3rd date!!!!


wnysingleguy

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wnysingleguy

Been dating this women who I really like. First couple of dates went reallty well, we really connected it seems like but still dont know her very well. Kissed her on the first date, things got physical on 2nd date and I spent the night. All this was great, no problems, had a mid week date after work, she seems a little distant but she works really hard as do i and we were both tired. So here is where the screw-up comes in, I kiss her goodnight, couple of nice kisses I turn to leave and as I am going out the door, I say I love ya. This was a complete accident, obviously I have no idea if I love her, I just met her. It just slipped out, she looked really weirded out and she said "did you just say I love you?" I said oops, I guess I did, just slipped out by accident. I felt like a idiot, I asked if she felt weirded out and she said yes but she said she was ok. said she would call me and have a good day at work the next day. I felt really bad, when I got home I left a VM for her apologizing again.

 

I feel like I really screwed this up, Did I? Havent heard from her (this was late last night) but she had a super busy work day today so I guess I am not expecting a call till tomorow. I feel like I did a terrible job explaining why I said it, anything I should do to remedy or do I just hope she calls me back and act like nothing happened? When I left voice mail I told her I think I said it out of habit when saying goodbye to family and people I care about.

 

 

I dont know if it makes a differene or not but there is an age difference between us, I am 10 years younger. She is low 40s and I am low 30s.

Edited by wnysingleguy
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Don't do anything, just wait for her to return your call. It's only a big deal if you make a big deal out of it. You didn't screw anything up, people blurt out weird things all the time. You're fine.

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anyone else ever done this? how did it work out?

I've never done this...but I remember on a third date I brought up "what are you looking to get out of this" with the coworker I was seeing at the time, and it was an awkward conversation but we found out we were pretty much on the same page and I never said anything else about what we said and it worked out fine, so the poster above you's advice sounds the best at the moment based on my experiences.

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wnysingleguy

sounds like the consensus is to hope she calls and not try to do anymore damage control then.

 

This is why you shouldnt do anything when you are exhausted, you are not thinking, very dangerous.

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youngskywalker

Yeah, you messed up a little but your response to her was the right thing to say. If she comes around and still keeps dating you look at it as a plus.

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wnysingleguy
wtf??????? tell her you were hammered

 

Yea, wish I would use that but this was at end of date and we didnt have anything to drink. I may as well have been drunk, had a VERY long aweful day at work and could barely keep my eyes open.

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anyone else ever done this? how did it work out?

 

This dating by the numbers and rules is insane.

 

If you feel like saying ILY who cares!

 

If you said ILY because you were happy and care for her who gives a shyte!

 

I assume if a person says ILY before whatever the rule book says the other person will think he or she is wacos.

 

You guys are insane and this mechanical dating must be excruciatingly boring.

 

This woman has been deeply intimate with you and has share her pussy and nakedness with you. Why should she be upset if you say ILY?

 

Is a person suppose to only fall in love after a predetermined number of dates, months, or years. Is there a rule about when to say ILY.

 

Oh, I get it. They are not exclusive and she is ****ing three other guys because they did not have the exclusive talk yet. Who gives a shyte? Why can you say what you feel?? Why must every move, word, kiss, f****k, be so premeditated?

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Is a person suppose to only fall in love after a predetermined number of dates, months, or years. Is there a rule about when to say ILY.

 

While you just know when you know and can't put a number on it easily....but only 3 dates? Id call that lust....what if someone told you they loved you on the first date? How well can you really know someone after 3 dates? I would say not enough to be in love with them

 

The best advice I ever saw on saying ILY....say it when you have been holding back for 2 months to say it b/c you are scared that it was too soon.

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Yea, wish I would use that but this was at end of date and we didnt have anything to drink. I may as well have been drunk, had a VERY long aweful day at work and could barely keep my eyes open.

then tell her your doctor just prescribed some new meds and you weren't feeling right

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wnysingleguy
then tell her your doctor just prescribed some new meds and you weren't feeling right

 

No offense but I am think I am going with the advice to pretend it didnt happen and hope she forgets about it, lying will only further dig myself into a hole especially since I have never taken any prescribed medications other than antibiotics.

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No offense but I am think I am going with the advice to pretend it didnt happen and hope she forgets about it, lying will only further dig myself into a hole especially since I have never taken any prescribed medications other than antibiotics.

 

Wise choice!

Seriously though, bringing it up and endlessly apologizing will probably freak her out more. You've apologized, done an adequate enough job explaining yourself. She's probably still freaked out regardless, and now..sadly...the ball is in her court. Let it go and hope she doesn't run for the hills.

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apologizing for saying I Love You?

 

LOL!

 

What's this world coming to??!?!?!

 

You apologize for stepping on someone's toes.

 

You apologize for bumping into someone accidentally.

 

You apologize when your dog poops on your neighbor's lawn.

 

You DON'T apologize after you say I LOVE YOU to someone you care about.

 

LOL. Come on.

 

Agreed 100% with Pierre's post.

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No offense but I am think I am going with the advice to pretend it didnt happen and hope she forgets about it,

chicks are like elephants, they don't forget anything

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wnysingleguy

Well she called me back and this has taken a turn for the bizzare. She said she got my voicemail and it was not problem, she completelty understands. Here is the bizzare, I figured out why she seemed pre-occupied the other night, her ex-boyfriend who she broke up with asked her to marry him!!! jesus christ you cant make this up. I am freaking cursed.

 

Anyway, she said she didnt give him an answer and needs to think about things and is confused. She said she is going to call me in a couple days to let me know whats up. I dont know why I am telling you all this other than I dont have anyone else to chat with about it. I am kind of upset. I get attached to women fairly quickly after sex and wont sleep with them unless I feel a real connection, feel overwhelmed.:(

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Well she called me back and this has taken a turn for the bizzare. She said she got my voicemail and it was not problem, she completelty understands. Here is the bizzare, I figured out why she seemed pre-occupied the other night, her ex-boyfriend who she broke up with asked her to marry him!!! jesus christ you cant make this up. I am freaking cursed.

 

Anyway, she said she didnt give him an answer and needs to think about things and is confused. She said she is going to call me in a couple days to let me know whats up. I dont know why I am telling you all this other than I dont have anyone else to chat with about it. I am kind of upset. I get attached to women fairly quickly after sex and wont sleep with them unless I feel a real connection, feel overwhelmed.:(

 

That is weird...

 

I think it's a problem if she's even considering his proposal because it means she still has feelings for him, which isn't good news.

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wnysingleguy

Yea, I am starting to wish I didnt sleep with her, it is making it so much harder. She told me she broke up with him but told me they never had sex and he didnt seem very serious about taking relationship to next level. They have known each other for like 5 years. He is like 10-15 years older than her, funny I am 10 years younger than her.

 

She has to choose between the older and younger guy. I dont know how I feel about this all. like I said very overwhelmed, wish I didnt have sex with her if this goes badly for me.

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That is weird...

 

I think it's a problem if she's even considering his proposal because it means she still has feelings for him, which isn't good news.

 

Agreed.

 

Get out NOW. She is probably in regular contact since he has even asked her to marry him. He couldn't have just randomly come up with that if they hadn't been in contact. Do not get involved with girls who are still unsure of their feelings toward their ex.

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She probably will choose you. at least she shouldn't choose the ex. otherwise she probably will become those women who cry and complain due to emotional and sexual hunger after marriage.

 

I knew a man like your girl's ex, finally I got tired of him and his lukewarmness. Lukewarmness hurts.

 

and I chose a guy who is passionate about me, and very happy did so

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wnysingleguy
She probably will choose you. at least she shouldn't choose the ex. otherwise she probably will become those women who cry and complain due to emotional and sexual hunger after marriage.

 

I knew a man like your girl's ex, finally I got tired of him and his lukewarmness. Lukewarmness hurts.

 

and I chose a guy who is passionate about me, and very happy did so

 

I hope ur right. I know she is good friends with him but anyone who hasnt wanted to have sex in 5 years is either impotent, gay or screwed up.

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I hope ur right. I know she is good friends with him but anyone who hasnt wanted to have sex in 5 years is either impotent, gay or screwed up.

but I made the choice after a fair amount of therapy. She may or may not see it

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wnysingleguy

I am glad she was honest with me about it. she could have just blown me off for a couple of days to think about it. at least she called me to talk about it. She seemed very happy when I told her to take her time and think about it, I think she thought i was going to be mad, I want her to think this through. Im hurt but not mad.

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RecordProducer

It's not such a big deal. You slept with her, she's a decade older and it shows more respect than love. No need to explain further or do any damage control as there is no damage. You will do more damage by apologizing for saying you love her. At this point I am not sure if she's more weirded out by the statement or disappointed that you apologized for saying something wonderful. If I were her, I would take the "I love you" statement as I like you, you're dear to me and I find you loveable. But apologizing for it would be the equivalent of somebody telling me "You're pretty" and then apologizing for it. By apologizing you basically said "Oh, geez, how could I say I loved you?! I don't, really. I am so ashamed I said it."

 

If anything, tell her what you really meant was "I like you a lot," and you apologized bevause you didn't want to scare her by such a big statement too soon. Alternatively, just call her and continue dating her.

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Im hurt but not mad.

 

I get attached to women fairly quickly after sex and wont sleep with them unless I feel a real connection, feel overwhelmed.

 

Yea, I am starting to wish I didnt sleep with her, it is making it so much harder.

 

She has to choose between the older and younger guy. I dont know how I feel about this all. like I said very overwhelmed, wish I didnt have sex with her if this goes badly for me.

 

Dude

 

You said ILY because you have developed feelings for her. I am glad you were man enough to verbalize what you felt at that point. However, you messed up by saying "I am sorry to say ILY". Ouch, that probably hurt her.

 

She may be offended; particularly because she is older. She is not a kid anymore looking for sex and having intercourse with you probably caused her to have feelings for you too. The shock of been told "I am sorry I said ILY" made her come up with that wishy-washy story. She wants to save face after giving herself to you. Tsk, tsk

 

 

 

 

 

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