torn... aid?

[missy22]

So, I love him, I will get that out there first. Here is a backdrop:

 

I am 23 years old and have caught myself in abusive, destructive relationships. I have been the bad one too before, but do not want to do it again. I have had relationships where I lived with partners, two 1 year relationships and one 7 mo one. I live alone. I have flaws but I am working towards exercising, reducing consumption of unhealthy things, gradually stopping smoking. My goals in life include a college degree, and traveling to teach English overseas. I want a long life full of love, happiness, traveling, adventure, art, spirituality. I secretly want someone a little more like me, who will enjoy phantom of the opera lol

 

He is 27 years old. He finds himself frequently tired as he is a workaholic which I respect in a sense. He does not take proper care of his body too. We had to go to the hospital as he got gout in his foot from over consumption of beer and meat. He believes meat, potatoes, fast food and a couple of beer a night without water consumption is healthy. His longest relationship is 9 mo and he never moved out of his mom's house....he can't do laundry. We have HUGE differences. He feels taking me to a fancy restaurant is awesome (it is nice), but I think picking wildflowers from a field is better. No biggy, just a point. He likes hip hop, I despise it. I like artsy things, he doesn't. I am into philosophy, critical thinking, arts in general, he prefers not to think. His life goal is to stay where he is, work his way up in the company, and get a family and kids (which I don't believe I want).

 

Now he would wait for me, and I know it is early, but I really need to ask some serious questions to get a grasp on things. My major concern is his temper:

 

Scene 1) His mom asks him more than once if he is hungry, he raises voice and turns mean stating "I ALREADY TOLD YOU NO ONCE"

granted his mom asks a lot of questions to make sure people are okay, happy, whatever... but she is so nice and thoughtful and loving and he shows he does not appreciate it

 

Scene 2) I ask him "do you mind if _____", he says "no", I ask "are you sure?", then he gets short or mean or grumpy with me. this is a reoccurring theme and when prompted to adjust, he said I should avoid asking so many questions to stop him from being this way. Now, yeah he has a point, but NO ONE deserves putting up with someone acting like this

 

His mom overheard him talking shortly with me the other day after I expressed concern about his hurt eye and she talked to me about it. She told me his attitude took a decline 2 years ago, about the same time his libido did to (he have had some issues, not a ton, but some). She even told him he has to watch how he talks to people. Now I have addressed him, and a few times he stated that his temper has improved and if it was years ago he would have hit whoever he was dealing with (asking questions). I have seen him punch a wall a couple times too. He says he would NEVER hurt me. But emotionally, as small as it is, someone getting mad over small, thoughtful inquiries and concerns does hurt. Especially as I worry about others and can be insecure (working on the flaws lol) Now All this raises HUGE red flags for me and I do not want to be a dumb victim again. I wrote down my issues and concerns (and admit I lash out angrily and threaten breakup during fights as well). And we have been a lot better since we talked when I almost left him (that was during a logical period of non fighting too) and he says he needs time to "dim" his temper and asked me to work on mine (I also am working on trust issues too).....

 

...but part of me wants to go for it and the logical part realizes the reality of everything. any ideas on what to do?

[missy22]

really, no one?