TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) Hello, I'm a newbie here and I'm looking for a little insight. I have a great boyfriend, that I love. We have been living together for about 7 months now. In the last month, my hours have been cut at work, so now I'm only working part time and I have more spare time on my hands. So a few times I have brought my boyfriend lunch at his work. His work building is heavily secure so I usually meet him outside. So yesterday I brought him lunch, and some of his coworkers were outside. He was acting weird. I asked him what was wrong. He said he was embarrassed about me bringing him lunch and that they may give him a hard time because of it. I told him that I thought that was silly. I mean he is 33 not 14! He is the shy type and not really into pdas and all, so I don't make him uncomfortable and kiss him bye in front of people or anything but all I did was bring him lunch! wtf? I'm beginning to think he is embarrassed of me or something. He left early for work today, before I woke up, so I texted him and asked if he packed a lunch. He responded saying he did, which I know isn't true, since none of the food was gone. So I told him that and than he said the company is buying lunch today. I know this may sound like a silly situation, but I'm seriously a little bothered by this... I don't even want to offer to do this anymore.. Edited July 26, 2011 by TameOne Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I can see your bf's point. Looks like you're "mothering" him. Ewww. I don't know of anyone whose s/o brings their lunch. Anyway, glad to hear that you've stopped doing that! Edited July 26, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I can see your bf's point. Looks like you're "mothering" him. I don't know of anyone whose s/o brings their lunch. Anyway, glad to hear that you've stopped doing that! mothering? really? I have friends and family that do that for their boyfriend/girlfriend at times. I don't do it everyday. There are some days where he is in a rush so I do it to be nice... jeez being nice isn't a good thing anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 mothering? really? I have friends and family that do that for their boyfriend/girlfriend at times. I don't do it everyday. There are some days where he is in a rush so I do it to be nice... jeez being nice isn't a good thing anymore.. I'd feel smothered. Especially if you work in a "heavily secure" building. If you want to be "nice", ambush him when he gets home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I'd feel smothered. Especially if you work in a "heavily secure" building. If you want to be "nice", ambush him when he gets home. I'm not doing it for him anymore. And if he truly felt that way than he should have told me a long time ago...IMO Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I know this may sound like a silly situation, but I'm seriously a little bothered by this... So ask him about it, in a quiet moment in private. Tell him what you wrote here to us, and ask him what the problem was, and how he feels about things like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 So ask him about it, in a quiet moment in private. Tell him what you wrote here to us, and ask him what the problem was, and how he feels about things like that. I did. He told me that he feels they would make fun of him. These are grown men. I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
manders_01 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I did. He told me that he feels they would make fun of him. These are grown men. I don't get it. Which is probably more born out of their desire to have someone that loves them doing that for them than thinking he's being mothered. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Which is probably more born out of their desire to have someone that loves them doing that for them than thinking he's being mothered. He has done so much for me, I just like to return the favor when I can. But at the same time his behavior makes me feel unappreciated. I was telling my friends husband about it and he said he wished my friend did that for him! go figure.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I just don't see what the issue is. I grew up with loving parents that are still married 32 years later. I saw how they are/were with one another and its ingrained in me. Its a different time now, I understand but when we can't even do nice things for one another without caring about what other people think?! Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Your boyfriend doesn't want you to do it, so stop doing it. A relationship has a lot of compromising. Stop blowing this up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Your boyfriend doesn't want you to do it, so stop doing it. A relationship has a lot of compromising. Stop blowing this up. Oh I'm done doing it. Its not appreciated, thats clear. I just doubt his reason. Link to post Share on other sites
azsinglegal Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I can see your bf's point. Looks like you're "mothering" him. Ewww. I don't know of anyone whose s/o brings their lunch. Anyway, glad to hear that you've stopped doing that! I agree. Some men don't want to be "mothered". I could see how his buddies at work would make fun of him and how he'd be embarrassed. Especially because it sounds like he has a high security job. I totally understand you're trying to show him you care by taking care of him (I cook for people and it's how I show them I care), but I wouldn't bring him lunch like a 10 yr old boy who forgot his lunchbox at home. I'd seriously let it go as someone else suggested. It's really not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I agree. Some men don't want to be "mothered". I could see how his buddies at work would make fun of him and how he'd be embarrassed. Especially because it sounds like he has a high security job. I totally understand you're trying to show him you care by taking care of him (I cook for people and it's how I show them I care), but I wouldn't bring him lunch like a 10 yr old boy who forgot his lunchbox at home. I'd seriously let it go as someone else suggested. It's really not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. the times I brought him something, it wasn't out of the blue! he either asked or when I offered he wanted me to... Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I can see your bf's point. Looks like you're "mothering" him. Ewww. I don't know of anyone whose s/o brings their lunch. Anyway, glad to hear that you've stopped doing that! Silent Bob: [His only line] You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. A quote from Clerks...couldnt more dead on...now if it was once in a while I'd be fine...but if it was multiple times a day I'd get annoyed myself a little and it would cross the line IMO...it should be something you do like once a month or even less than that if you want to do that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Silent Bob: [His only line] You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. A quote from Clerks...couldnt more dead on...now if it was once in a while I'd be fine...but if it was multiple times a day I'd get annoyed myself a little and it would cross the line IMO...it should be something you do like once a month or even less than that if you want to do that... More like once a week... I guess I'm slow and not getting the Silent Bob line. Cross the line? He is my boyfriend.. not some guy I just met. Link to post Share on other sites
temporaryvisa Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Agh! I looove PDAs! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TameOne Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Agh! I looove PDAs! thanks for the great advice:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
azsinglegal Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 the times I brought him something, it wasn't out of the blue! he either asked or when I offered he wanted me to... Maybe at the time to HIM it sounded like a good idea until he got **** for it from the guys at work. Just chalk it up to lesson learned. If he ever asks again, tell him you don't think that's a good idea as he was clowned for it at work. Link to post Share on other sites
manders_01 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I don't know if you already do this or not but if you don't, instead of bringing him his lunch at work, once a week or once every two weeks, make him lunch for him to bring. It still shows you care and he can totally pass it off as something he picked up at a market or deli to avoid his embarrassment. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 You're worried he's embarassed of you because when you bring him lunch he becomes embarassed? Well at least you didn't take that personally at all haha. He's the one whose embarassed. Probably because his lazy ass can't get himself to the fridge in the morning to pack his own damn lunch. Guys at work may make fun of him because his lazy ass ain't gettin to that fridge. hahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 More like once a week... I guess I'm slow and not getting the Silent Bob line. Cross the line? He is my boyfriend.. not some guy I just met. I put that quote in for people who would be against this totally...a woman who brings you lunch or dinner to work once in a while is quite a catch...Id say once a week is too much...try to do it once a month...if you want to make it for him, make it at night and he can take it when he leaves Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I think what you're doing is sweet, but just because me, you, and other people would enjoy it, doesn't mean he has to. And you're taking it way too personally! For a shy guy, being teased sucks no matter how old you are. You said he was a great guy - if this is your only issue consider yourself lucky! Link to post Share on other sites
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