Girlfriend's ex boyfriend contacting her

[Jake12429]

So I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year...i've dated many girls in the past, some serious, some casual, but she is by far the best. I trust her, we rarely fight, and its the most "balanced" relationship I've ever had (i.e. equally into each other and one isn't "chasing" the other). However, the one glitch that is starting to invade is her ex. They broke up about 3 years ago (thought hey dated for 4 or 5 years), and never did the "make up break up" thing after breaking up. Towards the beginning of our relationship, he started reaching out to her out of the blue, but we hadn't been dating long, and it wasn't my place to say anything, so i just kinda kept note of it. She did tell me right away though, just ignored him, then he went away. About 6 months later (when we were exclusive and pretty serious), he reached out again, asking to hang out, start seeing each other again, etc. This time she responded, saying she's dating someone, its not appropriate for them to meet up or have conversations like that, etc.

So he went away for about a month, then sent her a text message that was something like, "I miss you..I want you to be mine forever, I made a mistake." She showed me, and this time I was pissed, cause now he's just ignoring what she's saying and acting desperate. We talked about it, decided the best way to handle it would be to outright ignore him, so that's what she did. 6 or 7 months go by, no word...then a few days ago, another text about how he's thinking about her and wants her back.

Now, I pride myself in not being a jealous or insecure guy, and its great that she's showing me these texts and taking into consideration how I think it should be handled...but this is enough.

I guess my question is, how do we now handle this? She has gone as far as showing me her emails and texts (something I never asked for, but she wanted to make sure I knew she wasn't secretly in contact with him and egging him on), so that's not the issue...the guy clearly just doesn't get it. He's not a "stalker", he's not crazy, he doesn't show up to her apartment drunk yelling her name, but this HAS TO STOP. And I really think at this point, the only way to get him to stop is to talk to him directly myself. Has anyone had a similar situation, and if so, how did you handle it?

Thanks!

[couplehundred]

So I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year...i've dated many girls in the past, some serious, some casual, but she is by far the best. I trust her, we rarely fight, and its the most "balanced" relationship I've ever had (i.e. equally into each other and one isn't "chasing" the other). However, the one glitch that is starting to invade is her ex. They broke up about 3 years ago (thought hey dated for 4 or 5 years), and never did the "make up break up" thing after breaking up. Towards the beginning of our relationship, he started reaching out to her out of the blue, but we hadn't been dating long, and it wasn't my place to say anything, so i just kinda kept note of it. She did tell me right away though, just ignored him, then he went away. About 6 months later (when we were exclusive and pretty serious), he reached out again, asking to hang out, start seeing each other again, etc. This time she responded, saying she's dating someone, its not appropriate for them to meet up or have conversations like that, etc.

So he went away for about a month, then sent her a text message that was something like, "I miss you..I want you to be mine forever, I made a mistake." She showed me, and this time I was pissed, cause now he's just ignoring what she's saying and acting desperate. We talked about it, decided the best way to handle it would be to outright ignore him, so that's what she did. 6 or 7 months go by, no word...then a few days ago, another text about how he's thinking about her and wants her back.

Now, I pride myself in not being a jealous or insecure guy, and its great that she's showing me these texts and taking into consideration how I think it should be handled...but this is enough.

I guess my question is, how do we now handle this? She has gone as far as showing me her emails and texts (something I never asked for, but she wanted to make sure I knew she wasn't secretly in contact with him and egging him on), so that's not the issue...the guy clearly just doesn't get it. He's not a "stalker", he's not crazy, he doesn't show up to her apartment drunk yelling her name, but this HAS TO STOP. And I really think at this point, the only way to get him to stop is to talk to him directly myself. Has anyone had a similar situation, and if so, how did you handle it?

Thanks!

First off, i am really happy your GF is telling you all this stuff, showing you the texts ect. I know plenty of girls who wouldnt do that. Some of them I dated.

 

Call him, on her phone. Politely tell him that you are her new boyfriend, that you get to read all the texts because she proudly lets you look at her phone while she blows you. In fact, tell him that she is blowing you right then. Explain you feel bad for him but that he has no chance and his behavior is pathetic. Then tell him to have a nice day while you orgasm...

 

 

Edited July 25, 2011 by couplehundred

[Finch]

I don't (personally) feel that this is something you should involve yourself in. Your girlfriend is capable of handling this on her own. It sounds (from what you've written) that she may need to do this in a very firm manner that leaves no room for misunderstanding. Though I can understand your frustration and your desire to take this into your own hands, I think it needs to come from her, and not from you acting as an intermediary.

She could begin by emailing her ex (not calling) and informing him that he is harassing her and that if he continues she will go to the police or seek intervention from a legal authority. That should (hopefully) be enough to show him she wants to have nothing whatsoever to do with him. It might seem extreme, but this has been going on for over a year, if I read your post correctly, and it's time for it to stop.

If I were in her place I would follow this up by changing both my email address and my phone number. I had a problem with harassing phone calls and when I explained this to my cell phone service provider they changed my number for free. Yes, it's inconvenient to do both of those things, and ideally she wouldn't have to do this, but it will stop her having to hear from him again.

Someone else may have alternative suggestions.

 

couplehundred's advice, while amusing, may be seen as a challenge by the ex and could end up aggravating his behaviour. I'm assuming it was a joke.

[couplehundred]

I don't (personally) feel that this is something you should involve yourself in. Your girlfriend is capable of handling this on her own. It sounds (from what you've written) that she may need to do this in a very firm manner that leaves no room for misunderstanding. Though I can understand your frustration and your desire to take this into your own hands, I think it needs to come from her, and not from you acting as an intermediary.

She could begin by emailing her ex (not calling) and informing him that he is harassing her and that if he continues she will go to the police or seek intervention from a legal authority. That should (hopefully) be enough to show him she wants to have nothing whatsoever to do with him. It might seem extreme, but this has been going on for over a year, if I read your post correctly, and it's time for it to stop.

If I were in her place I would follow this up by changing both my email address and my phone number. I had a problem with harassing phone calls and when I explained this to my cell phone service provider they changed my number for free. Yes, it's inconvenient to do both of those things, and ideally she wouldn't have to do this, but it will stop her having to hear from him again.

Someone else may have alternative suggestions.

 

couplehundred's advice, while amusing, may be seen as a challenge by the ex and could end up aggravating his behaviour. I'm assuming it was a joke.

yea, I was kidding but I am also curious how it would play out. LOL...

 

Finch is right. She needs to be firmer with him. I still think its cool she tells you what's happening though... That's really cool of her to keep you informed...