Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 My boyfriend of 5 (almost 6) years and me broke up some days ago. He moved to another province, promised me that we would work on the RS, and keep in contact. He left on July 1st, and for the 14 days we've gotten in about 1 hour at most of talking. In which these conversations are ending with him saying "Brb" and leaving me behind for several hours. He then claimed he sent me something in the mail to apologize for not talking to me. Yet, 5 days later, still too busy. I have decided to cut him and move on. He was unhealthy, didn't appreciate me and didn't see me as one of his priorities. I am currently struggling to get out of the "Good memory fog." I met someone new after we broke up, this new guy seems to have interest and is aware of my situation. Would it be unreasonable for me to go on a date with him? I think I have a bit of a crush, and although I'm surely not looking to rebound, it would be nice to just get out and have a good time! What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I find it odd that you post a question on such a flimsy point....! Just do what you feel like doing! You don't have to be nannied along every step of the way! You're young, free and single! What better time to have fun and enjoy life without analysing every step, motive, agenda or situation? Just go for it, with the idea of enjoying what life brings! Jeesh, if you post something like this, what are we gonna get from you when the schytt really hits the fan?! Relax! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I'm not very good at dating, I've been with the same person for a long time, I'm so unsure of how things work that it's ridiculous. I know it comes off as a bit flimsy, but as above. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 This is a sign of low self esteem. You need to know you're worth the fun. "He who debates fully before taking each step will spend his entire life on one leg." Sometimes, a huge leap into the unknown can be more challenging, and hold more fear, but the thrill of abandoning the fetters of insecurity is very liberating and bracing. Nobody ever leapt a ditch in two smaller steps. Ask yourself: What's the worst that could happen? And avoid it. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 It would be unreasonable to expect to leap into a healthy serious relationship in such a short time span after breaking off a 6 year relationship, IMO. It's certainly not unreasonable to want to widen your horizons and get back out into the world a bit, rediscover your footing on new terrain, remind yourself what it's like to flirt, date, sink or swim. Get out there and have some fun. Just be cognizant of the fact that you're less than two weeks out of a 6 year relationship, and so your perspective is going to be a little off on some things. Make sure that he is also cognizant of this; that's just playing fair. And then just--discover what works best for you, the individual, as you repair and take care of yourself while continuing to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I don't have low self esteem, I'm just not used to the dating works, so I'm anxious to test the waters. But I understand your point fully. @Stung I am not looking to rebound. However, my prior relationship had been dead for a long time, it just took me a long time to realize it. I put up with so much, that I was stuck making myself unhappy for nothing. I just hope that I can have fun and live a little, I haven't been able to do so for a long time! Thanks you two for posting. I'm glad to have some great posters in here. Link to post Share on other sites
jayanath Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Looking for love? Cupid can help! Cupid.com http://www.cupid.com/aff.php?a_aid=8b6c51b0&a_bid=1e197281 Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 (edited) I think that if you are positive that you will not unconsciously use the new guy to fill a hole in your chest/heart due to breaking up with your boyfriend, then I don't think it's unreasonable. If that would be the case however, then there could indeed develop a rebounding situation, but from reading your posts R I think you're insightful and reflective enough to not get yourself into such a situation. Edited July 15, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Would it be unreasonable for me to go on a date with him? Hell no. Have a good time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Aw thanks guys! It's just a movie. But now I'm a tad hesitant to go, the guy seemed legit at first, but now I think I may be seeing some red flags. I don't think I'm liking this, hm. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Aw thanks guys! It's just a movie. But now I'm a tad hesitant to go, the guy seemed legit at first, but now I think I may be seeing some red flags. I don't think I'm liking this, hm. What kind of red flags are you picking up on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 (lol FB, oh dear, reminds me why I rarely use this site.) He has a few women posting on his wall, one in which writes "I love you." less than a week ago. Other's which are posting quite a bit essentially begging for some attention, and in return getting little to no replies. He either doesn't reply at all, or just semi replies. One of my friends I think may happen to know him, I'll ask her what's going on with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 (lol FB, oh dear, reminds me why I rarely use this site.) He has a few women posting on his wall, one in which writes "I love you." less than a week ago. Other's which are posting quite a bit essentially begging for some attention, and in return getting little to no replies. He either doesn't reply at all, or just semi replies. One of my friends I think may happen to know him, I'll ask her what's going on with this guy. One thing about the wall on Facebook is that the person who created the profile has no or very little control over what people post on it. So it's possible that there are some women satelliting around him and asking for his attention via Facebook, but that doesn't mean he's interested in them or that he can't set boundaries to keep them at bay in real life when he has a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not purposefully defending him, but if you're worried that you might get competition from other women over this guy, then it's a matter of how he deals with those other women and sets boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 One thing about the wall on Facebook is that the person who created the profile has no or very little control over what people post on it. So it's possible that there are some women satelliting around him and asking for his attention via Facebook, but that doesn't mean he's interested in them or can't set boundaries to keep them at bay in real life when he has a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong I'm not purposefully defending him, but if you're worried that you might get competition from other women over this guy, then it's a matter of how he deals with those other women and sets boundaries. It's possible, however, I will admit that I am a cynic. I don't trust people easily, and generally when I see this, it usually goes down bad. As for competition, I'm not one to compete, if a guy isn't making me his first choice, the other women may have him! I am capable of getting a guy who isn't down for games. It's a tad strange, he seems more interested in me than I was of him. I'm not used to using texting (while I'm apart of the younger generation, I have no interest in it.) However, he has been texting me daily. When I sign online, he talks to me. Whenever I don't reply to him after a few mins he will write something yet again. He has been picking up words that I have been using, and also making use of them. He has even been staying up late at night just to talk to me. He has even been making future plans, along with our plans for this week. None of this honestly makes any sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I think he's trying to woo you..... Really, I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Can you skip the movie with this stranger and go to a movie with a good friend? Or go out with a group of people. Personally, I think your time is better spent focusing on yourself and the people who really matter to you. Being newly single is a special time for you - a time of reflection and experimentation. I understand that the date is an experiment, which is okay, but please keep everything light and easy. If it ever seems like too much trouble, I'd cut bait. Dating will always be there, trust me. I took 4 years off of dating to work on myself. And when I was ready to jump in, I had my first date within 2 weeks of my decision. To be honest, dating was very disappointing at first. I was naive and thought that dating meant a relationship would happen. And it didn't, at least not for a couple of years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Woo me or not, I'm unsure how many women he's doing the same too. I'm not looking for a relationship, it's the last thing I want during this time. I just want to go out and have a nice time. It would be nice just to get out, that is all. I haven't been taken on a date in months. My ex felt that going to the grocery store was good enough for the day. :lmao: I could go with friends, but many are busy or have work. We technically haven't established that this is a "date" yet, but if you put everything together it's pretty obvious. This is new to me. I was with a very controlling guy who didn't want me to talk to any men in fear that they would "fall for me." I feel I need this, I need to get out for myself. I will make time to focus on myself, as I am not going to be committing to another relationship for awhile. But right now, I just want to get out of the house with some company. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I was with a very controlling guy who didn't want me to talk to any men in fear that they would "fall for me." Sheesh, well good riddance, you deserve better than that. You can thank your lucky charms that you don't live in Saudi Arabia, where guys like that would have put a burqa over you and locked you up at home without access to your identity papers. But you're in Canada, so enjoy your freedom as a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Sheesh, well good riddance, you deserve better than that. You can thank your lucky charms that you don't live in Saudi Arabia, where guys like that would have put a burqa over you and locked you up at home without access to your identity papers. But you're in Canada, so enjoy your freedom as a woman. It was ridiculous, if I were to talk to a male, id be yelled at afterwards. Or he'd sit behind me, making it awkward to chat online. I don't know why I put up with that for so long. I suppose I haven't dated enough to know what was truly unhealthy. As for this new guy, I'm still uncertain what to think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Are you willing to have sex with him? since all you seem to care is some dude pay for some dates and get you free meals. Spend time with you and walk you around because you *gasp* bored.....some nice girl you are, you don't even want a BF or relationship..just to have fun and party out....you deserve what you are getting..... He offered to pay for my movie, I declined. I told him id be paying my own ticket. I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm monogamous, and that could take up to three months. (Maybe more ) I understand that you are a troll, thus I'm just going to not be bothered with your post. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Rinas, ignore the above poster, he's a misogynistic flamer and troll, who makes it his mission in life to post flatulent comments with no substance and precious little purpose. Carry on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I suppose I'll just ask my friend to give me some info. Either way, I'll go to a movie, platonically anyway. If there's other women, they can have him. Link to post Share on other sites
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