Why won't B/F take me out on an actual date?

[stardust33]

have been with my boyfriend for 2 months. Due to conflicting schedules, we didn't see much of each other for the first month but alot more for this past month. the problem is that he has yet to actually take me out on a date and I am wondering what is up with this.

 

Getting together always consists of either me going to his place or him coming to mine, we sit around like boobs on a log watching a DVD or mindless TV, he starts to fall asleep, we go to bed, cuddle a bit, laugh a bit, have sex and then we fall asleep for the night.

 

I have brought this up to him, wondering why he's never really taken me out, that I feel like an "owl", that we only ever do something in the evening but it's the same old thing, I feel like some old married couple who's grown too comfortable. He says it's because he's got to watch his money. This coming from a guy who makes a very very good living. In fact, when I first started getting to know him, he made a point many times of letting me know that he was financially secure and didn't ever really have to "worry about money"..that he was definitely not "living from paycheck to paycheck." Now I"m told he has a high mortgage and bought a new truck and boat this summer and Christmas is coming.

 

I am not asking for a trip to Paris. I'm just talking maybe him taking me out to a movie, or for coffee, or for a drink (we are in our thirties) or even to McDonalds. I've made it clear that we don't have to do expensive things, that there are many things we could do that are cheap or free but nothing is changing.

 

We feel like we've known each other forever, are extremely comfortable around each other, we make each other laugh, we have a lot in common, sex is very good....but I find myself wondering if maybe he's just not sure about me, and in turn, isn't sure if I'm "worth" taking out on a date? God I'm used to dating guys who would almost smother me in the beginning, showing up with flowers, having made plans to go for dinner or whatever, now with my current guy, it is so weird.

 

It's not like I haven't told him how I feel. He knows. But he just brings up the money issue. Am I not worth $25? Hell I would even offer to pay my fair share (the extent of our going out is us going to pick up 'take out' food (which I always offer to pay for, he doesn't let me pay for it) or going to blockbuster to get a DVD. I fear that if it's like this now, it was be even worse over time.

 

He says he just really likes to "hang out" with me, to just dress casually and comfortably and chill out, feel free to be ourselves. Now I"m not a social butterfly, I am more of a home-oriented person..so I don't mind staying in on a friday night to watch a movie, by the fire, snuggling and munching on pizza, but is there perhaps some hidden message I'm not getting here? I don't think he comes around "just for sex" because he could easily get sex anywhere if that's all he wanted.

 

Does he not think much of me? He's made me dinner twice. I don't know what to think. I have never experienced being in a relationship with someone who never wants to take me out, even to Walmart for crying out loud.

[Arabess]

It sounds as though he is either very frugal or married.....

 

Either one isn't worth goofing with.

[Arabess]

Maybe you should tell him that YOU are going to such and such resturant this weekend at 8:00 pm. He can either BE THERE to share a meal with you....or he can sit home with his own self!

[yes]

if clia was around, she'd have lots to say to you.

 

here's my 2c:

Stop your hang-out dates. Next time he calls you and invites you over, simply say that you wanted to go see a movie at a theatre tonight. If he wants to come - cool; if not - you've got a friend to go with, right?

 

The whole deal about $ sounds fishy - like you said, $25 isn't too much to shell out. It sounds like he's convinced that you'll do it his way, so why make the effort to do it your way?

 

In my experience, in a somewhat similar situation, the guy simply wasn't too interested. So your guy may be into you enough to have you over for dinner & sex & company, but not enough to make an effort to please you - this sux, but it's a possibility to think about...

 

good luck,

-yes

[stardust33]

he's most definitely not married. I know this for a fact. I think he is a little frugal but maybe selectively? a few weeks ago, he blew $300 on parts for his motocross bike, and $200 on a bird cage he didn't really need. So this is why I wonder if he just thinks that I'm not worth taking out on a date. What do I have to do, draw him a picture? I already gave him a list of things we could do that are cheap or free, that I am not fond of feeling like some comfortable old married couple at this early stage of the game. I do know his past live in girlfriend took advantage of him, she didn't help out with any of the expenses when they lived together and whenever "she" wanted something for their home, he says "he" bought it (why, I'm not sure) and of course when they split up and she moved out, she took all the things he'd bought for "them." so maybe he's afraid of being taken advantage of again but I own my own home, I have a job that pays way more than his ex does, it is clear to see I wouldn't take advantage of anyone. He's brought with him a bottle of wine when he's come for dinner which I appreciated. We don't even really spend time together during the day, even when we both have free time. He's always got other things to do (piddly things, he piddles away a lot of his spare time during the day) and I end up getting the evenings, when he's tired and half falling asleep. I just don't know about all this. Not like anything I've experienced before. It's like he doesn't think I"m worth much or he doesn't feel he should invest much at this point, monetarily or emotionally or time-wise? I dunno. He was gung ho to have me meet his parents and family, however.

[monkey00]

i think he's in the blah mood.

he's won you as a trophy, you being his gf.

and doesnt feel a need or reason to be going out movie/dinner/etc.

let me guess before you guys became gf/bf he took you out to movies and dinner often correct??

 

now that you're finally his he doesnt see a need to lure you, court you, or be romantic because he feels it would be a waste of $$ and time and probably feels it wouldnt make a difference cause either way you're still gonna be his gf....that's the way i look at your situation and probably how HE looks at it as well

 

after saying that to you....i'm still wondering how you could still stick around such an unromantic person and still be satisfied?

[UCFKevin]

Ohhh man, give me his email address and I'll straighten him out.

 

I did the SAME exact thing, I never wanted to go out because I was used to just hanging out with my ex and loved it, but she wanted to go out and do stuff, that's one of the reasons her feelings for me waned since I was kind of a lazy bastard. Other than going to movies all the time and sometimes going out to dinner.

 

Just be VOCAL about it. Don't be vague. Don't allude to things. Guys are idiots. We don't know unless you tell us straight up.

[Reckless]

Reminds me of that old Woody Allen scene, his wife is leaving complaining that he was more 'aggressive' when they were dating - he replies 'you can't expect me to keep up that level of aggression - I'd have a heart attack!!!...'

 

Men don't actually 'like' to date, what they all like to do is crack open a beer, put on their cheesy old tracksuit bottoms and watch the finals (preferably with their favorite gal sitting on the sofa next to them, cheering if their team wins and handing them something to break if they loose). However, they'll usually pull the stops out as long as it takes to get us to sleep with them and if they like us enough, will pick up the 'I'm bored -- I wanna DO something' vibes, when we send them out. They know that they have to do this on a more or less regular basis so we'll continue to have sex with them.

 

I think your guy has other issues - unless he's stupid and/or terminally tight fisted, he knows what you're getting at, he understands that a date can be good without being expensive, he just doesn't think it's that important to you. Time for you to help him see that it's making you feel like you are not worth the sacrifice arranging a date would involve.

 

Stop going over. It is absolutely essential that you force his hand on this. Just say something like, you'd love to see him on Saturday, but I really wanted to catch 'X' movie or exhibition. Or that it's such a lovely day, you want to drive out of town and enjoy a walk or whatever. Don't offer for him to come along (that would be you inviting him on a date), just say what you would like. If he says for you to enjoy your time alone and to call you when you want to watch tv and have sex you'll know where you stand and you can decide if that's the kind of relationship you want.

 

sheez men!!!