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How to rebuild confidence with recent life upheavals


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start-fresh

I am really struggling mentally trying to sort things out right now. I'm 24 and have only had one girlfriend that lasted 3 months. It would have gone a lot longer but I moved cross country for a job I thought I wanted and broke up with her. Turned out the job experience was miserable and I'm returning to grad school this fall in a city I've never lived in but closer to my home area. Of course my ex has just moved on now that I'm back in the area, so that was a bummer.

 

What I struggle with is confidence. The only times I've been involved with women is when I've had most of my other life stuff together. Senior year of college when I had a large group of friends, etc. and before this last move. I was kind of the cool guy among my group of friends, had a great job, best living arrangements, etc. I was very confident.

 

I've just now realized I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. I'm going to grad school but am not positive it's what I want to do. It's an option I want to explore though and it's fully funded by a research assistant position, so I have to take the opportunity. It's only a year and a half.

 

So I'm dealing with the fact that I shouldn't have ended it with that girl, but she's moved on before me. She has had a much more normal relationship experience but was madly attracted to me because of my situation. Now, I need to keep dating so I don't get in more of a rut, but I have absolutely no confidence due to my life upheavals and recent 'failures' and the fact that I'm kind of confused where I'm going in life right now. I'm relationship inexperienced and sexually inexperienced, but maintain good friendships otherwise. I think I may be borderline 'nice guy' :eek: A big reason I've been single so much is finding fault in the girls/women that were interested in me. A huge mistake I'm gradually correcting, but my inexperience is playing mind games with my confidence.

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Anybody have any advice on what I could do?

 

 

You start with yourself. Figuring out what you want as a career at this point is more important than finding a girl. In order to have the latter, the career has to be in place or at least in the works. The best women don't want a loser, dead-end career guy they have to support. Figure out what you like to do and go do it. The women will come later.

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You start with yourself. Figuring out what you want as a career at this point is more important than finding a girl. In order to have the latter, the career has to be in place or at least in the works. The best women don't want a loser, dead-end career guy they have to support. Figure out what you like to do and go do it. The women will come later.

 

 

Exactly. In summation you sound like you are very focused and priority driven. You may be a bit awkward in the romance area because you have focused on your academics but it's never to late to switch or learn to, "time share" or "multitask" if you will, your social & career life. It sounds like you where able to do this your senior year of college, so you are capable.

 

Start devoting some time and energy towards a social life. Again; cdt is correct.

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