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Friends with an ex SUCCESS STORIES !


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I have had a real good look through 'friends with exes' threads and there seems to be a lot of people against this. Either:

 

-Against it from the point of view of the dumpee - false hope, prolongs the pain

-Against it from the point of view of the dumper - why bother? Move on

-Against it from the point of view of the new partner - jealousy, risk they go back to them, etc

 

I would like to know if any of you are still friends with an ex and in a new relationship with someone else and it's all fine. How did you make it work? Is everyone involved happy?

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My previous partner was good friends with one of his ex-es, and also worked with her from time to time making music. She had married, and the four of us often hung out together. Sometimes my partner and her would do something by themselves, and it didn't bother me because I never saw it as a threat to our relationship. I never got any impression her husband had a problem with it either, as he was also on very good terms with my partner.

 

After we broke up (for very different reasons), we stayed friends for several years, but we now live on opposites ends of the world so contact has waned.

 

I think there are situations in which the 'friends with the ex' scenario is completely viable and unproblematic (and I'm sure there are many situations where it isn't). You have to look at the specifics in context to make up your mind, IMO. I don't approach this issue with a lot of pre defined rules.

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I can see if one or both exes are married or in long term relationships then it may be OK.

Similarly if the all those in the 'triangle' (the ex and the new couple)

are happy with their situation and well grounded ie not the jealous type.

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I am good friends with two of my exes - my most recent, and my first serious. I was friends still with my most serious, but we've sort of drifted apart. With most of the men I've dated there is a reserved friendly acquaintanceship, but these two I would actually count as friends. It's never posed a problem in any relationship, but I think that has to do with:

 

a) I generally don't date insecure men and the ones who have cared haven't lasted long enough to make a differences

b) my oldest ex boyfriend, with whom I'm much closer, lives far away and we rarely see each other; my most recent ex, who lives in the same city, and I rarely socialize or hang out but speak pretty consistently via email but never about relationships, just standard work, family, "here's a funny link" type of thing

c) we have all moved on and

d) we all respect each other boundaries.

 

I do think this has a lot to do with the relationships themselves, and how they evolved into friendship.

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My sis seems to be friends with all her ex's. Don't much about the break-ups prior, but they all get along well. I've only managed it once or twice and I think it's something that takes time. Only when both parties have fully moved on can 'being friends' even be considered.

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I'm friends with some exes, but for me it goes Relationship -> Break up -> Not Friends -> 2 or 3 years pass -> Friends

 

None of them live nearby, so when I say "friends" I mean that they get a Christmas card at Christmas, a text message on their birthday, and they tell me things like how many kids they are popping out now that they are happily married.

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