aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 I've noticed a compelling pattern. A decent number of proactive women hit on me, and a striking majority of them call me "dude" or "man" during the very early rapport-building stages (before we've kissed or anything) e.g. "You're funny, dude." "That's cool, man." They stop saying it once we get to know each other. I've only noticed this with the proactive women who approach me. I haven't noticed it with the reactive women that I approach. Why do only the proactive ones do this? Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Proactive? What does this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Proactive? What does this mean? The ones who approach me and hit on me. The opposite of reactive. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Sounds like they're feeling out how you feel about them, and putting you in the friendzone. Once you show that you're interested in them, they take you out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 I cringe when a woman says "dude." It sounds so bad to me - I don't know why. I don't hear it that often though. I do know that my boyfriend and I were talking and he's like "Dude, you gotta understand....." I gave him my best WTF Face () and he said "Yea - I have no clue why I just called you dude." Maybe it's just a weird habit - especially if the girl approaching has a lot of guy friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Sounds like they're feeling out how you feel about them, and putting you in the friendzone. Once you show that you're interested in them, they take you out of it. I didn't describe this properly... For example... Two days ago I was talking to a group of people, some of whom I didn't know. When the group disbanded, a girl who I didn't previously know came up to me, punched me on the shoulder, smiled and said "I like you. You're funny, dude. And yes I like public displays of affection." Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 I cringe when a woman says "dude." It sounds so bad to me - I don't know why. I don't hear it that often though. I do know that my boyfriend and I were talking and he's like "Dude, you gotta understand....." I gave him my best WTF Face () and he said "Yea - I have no clue why I just called you dude." Maybe it's just a weird habit - especially if the girl approaching has a lot of guy friends. Yeah, it gives me a weird vibe like they're not being themselves Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Hmmm... this is an interesting question dude! lol! I can be a 'proactive' girl at times, and I do tend to speak to my friends in such a manner. But then again, we all refer to each other as dude or man/lady/girl, maybe it's a West Coast thing (although I grew up in the East Coast and my friends there called each other dude all the time!). Dunno... I guess I was tomboyish growing up (maybe that has something to do with it?). Interesting notion though that the use of that kind of language could be linked to how assertive a female is when it comes to dating (and maybe in general?!). Thanks for the brain food maaaan! Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Hmmm... this is an interesting question dude! lol! I can be a 'proactive' girl at times, and I do tend to speak to my friends in such a manner. But then again, we all refer to each other as dude or man/lady/girl, maybe it's a West Coast thing (although I grew up in the East Coast and my friends there called each other dude all the time!). Dunno... I guess I was tomboyish growing up (maybe that has something to do with it?). Interesting notion though that the use of that kind of language could be linked to how assertive a female is when it comes to dating (and maybe in general?!). Thanks for the brain food maaaan! Quite welcome, lady. Yeah I know girls who regularly talk like that, and that's totally cool. But it's interesting that other girls will stop talking like that after we get to know each other. It makes me feel like they're using it as a tactic. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Yes, that is interesting. Do they start being more affectionate with you? Does their language change to that more appropriate for a boyfriend? For example, do they make their voice sound more girlish/sweet, do they call you pet names? Or is it the opposite and they distance themselves? An ex of mine once asked me to not talk to him "like I'm just a buddy", and I was a little surprised that it bothered him that much. That certainly isn't the only way I ever talked to him but I considered him my best friend at the time and because I grew up speaking to my friends that way it was natural for me. This hasn't been an issue with anyone else I've dated but I can understand his point of view. Now even though I may use 'buddy-type' language with my SO from time to time I also make sure I sweet talk him so there's no doubt in his mind that I'm hooked on his sweet luvin! Link to post Share on other sites
florence of suburbia Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Maybe after they get to know you, they realize that "dude" doesn't really fit your personality. Anyway, I might call a guy "dude" if I was trying to have a light-hearted, familiar, but not necessarily flirtatious tone. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Funny, I live in the South and it's not uncommon for women I know to use it. I say it more than I like. But I usually don't refer to anyone I'm dating as dude. I'm reactive. I do occasionally say dude to my guy friends, generally when initiating a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
TuffCookieX Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 I say "hey bro" to the guys who resemble the guidos from the Jersey Shore because we have a few of those around here in North Jersey, and even more at the beach. To the men I don't know, I don't say any of those things, I'll say "dude" as an exclaimation from time to time but never to identify someone. Once I get to know a guy better, I use his name. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Yes, that is interesting. Do they start being more affectionate with you? Does their language change to that more appropriate for a boyfriend? For example, do they make their voice sound more girlish/sweet, do they call you pet names? Or is it the opposite and they distance themselves? Good point. It generally dissipates as comfort and affection grow, whereas it continuous if the interaction is not going in a romantic or sexual direction. Like a form of calibratation or maybe like a shield. An ex of mine once asked me to not talk to him "like I'm just a buddy", and I was a little surprised that it bothered him that much. That certainly isn't the only way I ever talked to him but I considered him my best friend at the time and because I grew up speaking to my friends that way it was natural for me. This hasn't been an issue with anyone else I've dated but I can understand his point of view. Now even though I may use 'buddy-type' language with my SO from time to time I also make sure I sweet talk him so there's no doubt in his mind that I'm hooked on his sweet luvin! Ha yup, behaviors can be strongly linked to attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aguy205 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Maybe proactive women do this while they're feeling me out and seeing where we stand. A woman in the reactive role naturally has less reason to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Maybe proactive women do this while they're feeling me out and seeing where we stand. A woman in the reactive role naturally has less reason to do this. Think this is it. Calling you "dude" is maybe her way of keeping things in neutral until she decides if she wants to hit the accelerator. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts