Why are older men who date younger women (legal) considered pedophiles?

[TheLawmaker]

I simply don't understand this.

 

I am 28, and have no romantic experience, save for a 3 month fling when I was 20 with a much older woman (she used me, and now is apparently dating someone much younger than I was when I dated her!)

 

The thing is, nobody got weird at our relationship (if it was in fact a relationship...I am still confused on that point.) She was 45 and dating a 20 year old...yet I'm 28, and can't date a 19 year old without it being weird?

 

I think I have more in common with 19-24 year olds. That's the age range I usually go for. I find them the most sexually attractive (although I recently went for a 35 year old, and got shot down), and with me not being out of college yet and not having a job, it seems like I'm not suitable for the women who are my age.

 

Can someone clarify how someone who is over the legal age of consent, and is dating someone 9 years older than them (or someone 9 years older than them wants to date them), it is suddenly considered pedophilic? I thought pedos preyed on 9 year olds, not 19 year olds (and it's not exactly preying, because I genuinely want to date them!)

[Sweetheartt]

I simply don't understand this.

 

I am 28, and have no romantic experience, save for a 3 month fling when I was 20 with a much older woman (she used me, and now is apparently dating someone much younger than I was when I dated her!)

 

The thing is, nobody got weird at our relationship (if it was in fact a relationship...I am still confused on that point.) She was 45 and dating a 20 year old...yet I'm 28, and can't date a 19 year old without it being weird?

 

I think I have more in common with 19-24 year olds. That's the age range I usually go for. I find them the most sexually attractive (although I recently went for a 35 year old, and got shot down), and with me not being out of college yet and not having a job, it seems like I'm not suitable for the women who are my age.

 

Can someone clarify how someone who is over the legal age of consent, and is dating someone 9 years older than them (or someone 9 years older than them wants to date them), it is suddenly considered pedophilic? I thought pedos preyed on 9 year olds, not 19 year olds (and it's not exactly preying, because I genuinely want to date them!)

 

you need to just ignore ignorant people seriously. Im 19 & dated a guy 25 & would even go for a man in his 30s if he wasn't so scared to approach lol, so quit worrying about people judging you. they always going to cause thats how people are no matter what.

[heartshaped]

It doesn't make you a pedophile to be interested in younger women, but I do disagree with the fact you would have more in common with a nineteen year old woman. You're twenty-eight, most likely looking for a serious, committed relationship that would lead to settling down and children in probably the not too [maybe five years or so] distant future. A nineteen year old is hard pressed to give you that.

[Shaun-Dro]

It doesn't make you a pedophile to be interested in younger women, but I do disagree with the fact you would have more in common with a nineteen year old woman. You're twenty-eight, most likely looking for a serious, committed relationship that would lead to settling down and children in probably the not too [maybe five years or so] distant future. A nineteen year old is hard pressed to give you that.

 

How would you know if he's looking to settle down now? Do you know him personally to be so presumptious? I doubt it.

 

Besides, I find younger women very attractive, be it a teenage girl as long as she's of legal status it's cool. Plus, I'm not interested in settling down with you women anyway, as I'm sure many other men feel the same.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's okay, it doesn't make you a "pedophile." From what you've posted about yourself, it sounds like you are "young" for your chronological age. You probably do have a lot in common with many people who are younger than you are. Anyway, I don't really believe that age needs to be a make or break deal in any relationship I'm involved in, though it seems to be so for some.

 

I don't agree that it's more "okay" for older women to date younger men, societally. I think it's the reverse.

 

Some people go for the much younger for reasons that I find suspect ... your explanation does not sound that way at all. If you like them, and they like you, and something develops - it sounds like it must be okay.

[2sure]

The age range you are talking about yourself targeting: You being 28, women being 19 ...seems very reasonable and not unusual. I don't why people would disparage you for it.

 

However, as you said you havent had any sucess...it isnt working for you.

 

And women dating younger guys get called "Cougars" - there is nothing complimentary about that.

[samspade]

Pedophilia is a sickness involving prepubescent children. Not sexually developed adults.

 

If someone uses that term wrongly against you you should put him or her in their place. It's a serious accusation.

 

FYI, there is nothing wrong with finding attractive anyone who's sexually mature. But the law had to draw a line somewhere and settled on 18. Makes sense especially now that most Americans are not emotionally mature even by then. But like they said on Seinfeld - cleavage is cleavage, it knows no age.

 

Have your fun with younger (legal) women if you want - there's nothing wrong with it and they're enjoyable in their own individual ways.

[Enchanted Girl]

I simply don't understand this.

 

I am 28, and have no romantic experience, save for a 3 month fling when I was 20 with a much older woman (she used me, and now is apparently dating someone much younger than I was when I dated her!)

 

The thing is, nobody got weird at our relationship (if it was in fact a relationship...I am still confused on that point.) She was 45 and dating a 20 year old...yet I'm 28, and can't date a 19 year old without it being weird?

 

I think I have more in common with 19-24 year olds. That's the age range I usually go for. I find them the most sexually attractive (although I recently went for a 35 year old, and got shot down), and with me not being out of college yet and not having a job, it seems like I'm not suitable for the women who are my age.

 

Can someone clarify how someone who is over the legal age of consent, and is dating someone 9 years older than them (or someone 9 years older than them wants to date them), it is suddenly considered pedophilic? I thought pedos preyed on 9 year olds, not 19 year olds (and it's not exactly preying, because I genuinely want to date them!)

 

No one thinks you're a pedophile for doing this, but they might think you are a pervert. Big difference. One is illegal and extremely demented and the other one is just annoying and gross.

 

Anyway, girls get the same treatment. All I did was date a guy one and a half years younger than me for awhile. We were practically the same age, but a lot of people still gave me a hard time for "robbing the cradle" or whatever. While no one would bat an eye at a guy for doing the same thing. It's almost expected for men to date a girl a little younger than him.

[TheLawmaker]

How can a virgin be a pervert?

 

Obviously I got to 28 and haven't had sex, so I'm not banging everything out there.

 

When I think of a pervert, I think of 60 year old men going after teenage girls. Not guys in their late 20's.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

When I think of a pervert, I think of 60 year old men going after teenage girls. Not guys in their late 20's.

 

If you're still digging the 19 year olds exclusively when you're in your 60's, then you might have something to worry about. If that turns out to be the case, come directly back to LoveShack for your tongue lashing.

[somedude81]

It doesn't make you a pedophile to be interested in younger women, but I do disagree with the fact you would have more in common with a nineteen year old woman. You're twenty-eight, most likely looking for a serious, committed relationship that would lead to settling down and children in probably the not too [maybe five years or so] distant future. A nineteen year old is hard pressed to give you that.

Uh, in the next five years or so, that 19 year old is going to be 24. Is that too young to have children?

[Enchanted Girl]

How can a virgin be a pervert?

 

My ex was a virgin and a pervert. It's absolutely possible. He even wanted to wait for sex until marriage, but he was still a pervert anyway.

 

He was sexually attracted to his mother, first of all.

 

We were engaged and he said that when we got married, he had to be allowed to sleep with as many other women as he wanted to and that I had to join in or our relationship wasn't going to work out.

 

He had A WHOLE BUNCH of fetishes. Weird ones that a lot of people on this forum (when I've discussed them with them) said are creepy or whatever.

 

He didn't view sex as connected to love and emotions at all. He was very selfish about it. Very lustful. And very psychotic.

 

I did give him blow jobs and hand jobs and once when I told him he had to wait twenty minutes for one because I was in the middle of cooking, he threw a tantrum so bad that we fought for a week and I cried for a week.

 

He was absolutely a sick, twisted, selfish pervert and he was a virgin up until last week. Because someone stupid who is both my friend and his decided to inform me that he had lost his virginity to his new girlfriend. XD As if this was important information that I needed to know.

[EasyHeart]

I tend to date women who are significantly younger than me, and I've noticed that the only people who seem to have an issue with it are women who are older than my dates. The rule among many women seems to be, "It's okay to date anyone -- so long as she's older than ME!"

[Cee]

People can be nasty in the hypothetical, but if you brought your 19 year old to meet people, it would be fine.

 

My friend was 27 when he got together with his 19 year old girlfriend. Nobody blinked. In fact, she's an amazing catch and they are perfect for each other. Although she'd have to sneak into bars to see him DJ. Other than that, there was no issue.

 

If your friends were to tease and criticize you, then you can tell them that talk is insulting to you AND your girlfriend. Tell them to mind their own business.

[TheLawmaker]

Good point, everyone. It's nobody's business.

 

I am also attracted to women in their 20's and 30's, so it's not necessarily that I wouldn't date them.

 

He had A WHOLE BUNCH of fetishes. Weird ones that a lot of people on this forum (when I've discussed them with them) said are creepy or whatever.

 

I have a foot fetish. I dunno, some people might find that creepy, but it's a common thing.

 

Other than that...blowjob fetish? Facial fetish?

 

I dunno, I'm pretty vanilla.

[Art_Critic]

The age range you are talking about yourself targeting: You being 28, women being 19 ...seems very reasonable and not unusual. I don't why people would disparage you for it.

 

However, as you said you havent had any sucess...it isnt working for you.

 

I agree.. it seems reasonable..

 

But...

 

Talk to most 19 year old women and ask them what they think of that man in his 30's and they will go "Yuck"...or "Ewww"

 

Talk to most 30's men and ask them what they think of that 19 year old over there and they say something different ..

 

Just Saying...

[TheLawmaker]

ArtCritic makes a very good point.

 

And recently (2010), I was rejected by a girl that I actually took a chance on asking out. She then talked about her boyfriend, who was 35.

 

She was 21.

 

Somehow, it wasn't creepy to her. I suppose, to the right girl, it wouldn't be creepy.

 

Or I'll meet someone closer to my age. Who knows? I'm looking for both personality and looks, and plenty of 20 somethings are still attractive.

[milkmaterial]

ive always been getting like 18 to 22 year old guys after me and im in my mid 20s. it was tempting but ..nevermind

 

 

you being 28, nobody thinks youre a pedo for dating a 20 year old. you'd be a pedo if she was like 12 or 11.

 

i know guys , like personally know guys who'd go for 19 to 23 year olds ONLY and theyre like 33+ ..i think its considered "the norm" at some point. more normal for men to get w/ a young woman that an older woman w/ a younger man. kinda reminds me of francesca annis and ralph fiennes.

[Enchanted Girl]

Good point, everyone. It's nobody's business.

 

I am also attracted to women in their 20's and 30's, so it's not necessarily that I wouldn't date them.

 

 

 

I have a foot fetish. I dunno, some people might find that creepy, but it's a common thing.

 

Other than that...blowjob fetish? Facial fetish?

 

I dunno, I'm pretty vanilla.

 

Well, its complicated for me to talk about because I don't really judge him for the majority of his fetishes. It's just the fact that there were SO MANY and add on top of that the rest of his personality (the throwing tantrums thing) and you'll understand.

 

He had a foot fetish as one of his fetishes, too, and it didn't really bother me.

 

But yes, you are very vanilla. All those things are very tame to me. In fact, I didn't realize until I stopped dating other men how extreme he was. Guys I've dated will tell me "sick" things they like and get all freaked out that I'm going to get freaked out and the majority of the time, I go,"That's it?! Anything else?" And they go,"No." And I go,"That's nothing."

 

I just don't want to get into the intimate details of it. Too long of story.

[milkmaterial]

is it weird or wrong that men i know who are like 33+ actually prefer 19 to 24 year olds? i dont really see whats wrong with it. i mean ..we see a lot of celebs w/ younger women nowadays. catherine zeta jones and mike douglas for one..

 

now theres nothing wrong w/ liking young women but preferring, that is different.

[Star Gazer]

When I was 19 I dated a 29 year old, and when I was 26 I dated someone who was 39.

 

In the first relationship, we were close in maturity level (he too was still in college and waiting tables, even living at home) - which was, IMO, pathetic for him.

 

In the second relationship, we just were in completely different places in our lives.

 

Neither was seen as a pedo or even a pervert, but they did draw a ton of questions...and rightfully so. Neither worked out, obviously...and for pretty obvious reasons.

[EasyHeart]

I think the actual ages matter more than just the age gap, because people grow and change a lot more in their teens and twenties than they do later in life. So a 16 year old and a 21 year old dating may raise some eyebrows (especially the 16 year old's dad's eyebrows!), but no one would blink at a 27 year old dating a 32 year old. Similarly, 18 to 28 is a pretty big gap, but 35 to 45 isn't.

[Fromialar]

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[Feelin Frisky]

Older men are not considered pedophiles unless they favor prepubescent children. An older guy who acts out on an impulse to have sex with a female who is post-pubescent but not yet 18, would be said to be a "statutory rapist" and not a pedophile. If she's over 18 all bets are off. Then at most he can be considered a "cradle robber". But if the girl is very willing and really wants him he's just considered a swinging old dude. Stay thirsty my friends.

[Mme. Chaucer]

When I was 20, my bf was 29. Never thought twice about it.