If not for online dating sites, I'd never have a date!

[SnowandStars]

I'm 24 years old and have no idea how to meet guys offline. I've probably had 2 dates/relationships that started offline but the rest of them I met through online dating sites.

 

I take full responsibility for my inability to meet guys offline. I am just so socially awkward sometimes! So guys, where do I start? Here are some things that I know are working against me and I'd like to know what you all think about it.

 

For the record, I am not obsessed with the idea of having a guy approach me out of the blue. That is not realistic. The guys who usually cold approach me are the type that do it for sport--no bueno. I believe that both sides should have a role in making a connection. I'm not opposed to striking up a conversation with a stranger.

 

 

• I'm too nervous to go places alone (except for shopping). When I go to lunch or something, it is always with someone. For some reason, most of my friends are guys and hanging out with a guy, even if it is platonic, will not get you approached at all! Is it true that guys feel more comfortable flirting with girls who are alone? Where are some good places to go to alone where I could meet single men?
  

 

• I have a hard time holding eye contact with people. If I catch a guy looking, I get too nervous to hold that contact. I assume that he isn't interested, he was just scoping the place and I'll come off as creepy. How do guys feel about a woman holding eye contact with them, even if the guy isn't interested?
  

 

• Why are some women "invisible" to men? I feel this way sometimes. Is is always about looks?
  

 

• What "traits" do you notice in women who effortlessly meet men in real life vs. those of us who are just lost causes?
  

[thatone]

For some reason, most of my friends are guys and hanging out with a guy, even if it is platonic, will not get you approached at all!

 

how long did it take to figure this out?

 

you do have men, the ones you rejected but let keep tagging along as 'friends'.

 

even if men who might approach you knew that fact, it would still be a huge red flag for them. but the fact is, they don't. every time you're out with another man, to any man who doesn't know you that's your boyfriend.

 

 

For the record, I am not obsessed with the idea of having a guy approach me out of the blue. That is not realistic.

 

yes it is, if you're not hanging around with other men all the time.

[SnowandStars]

how long did it take to figure this out?

you do have men, the ones you rejected but let keep tagging along as 'friends'.

 

even if men who might approach you knew that fact, it would still be a huge red flag for them. but the fact is, they don't. every time you're out with another man, to any man who doesn't know you that's your boyfriend.

 

 

 

[/i]yes it is, if you're not hanging around with other men all the time.

 

Great job jumping to conclusions! I met most of my male friends through a local "fanclub" of a sport team that is a few hours away. I'm one of few ladies there. I would have loved to date the male members but most have made it clear that I am not their type. That's fine. We still maintain a friendship over our love of the sport and we hang out to talk about trades, playoffs, etc... Aside from them, the other male friends are gay but just not openly so. I do not maintain friendships with guys I've rejected. What good is that?

[Ouroboros]

I'm 24 years old and have no idea how to meet guys offline. I've probably had 2 dates/relationships that started offline but the rest of them I met through online dating sites.

 

I take full responsibility for my inability to meet guys offline. I am just so socially awkward sometimes! So guys, where do I start?

I don't know anymore. There is no holy grail. Clubs and bars don't seem to produce much other than ONS. Friends match you with people who are obvious mismatches and aren't more attractive than them or their SO so you won't outshine them. Organizations, clubs, volunteer work, and associations rarely help you find dates forget good dates.

I'm too nervous to go places alone (except for shopping). When I go to lunch or something, it is always with someone. For some reason, most of my friends are guys and hanging out with a guy, even if it is platonic, will not get you approached at all! Is it true that guys feel more comfortable flirting with girls who are alone?

A girl with a guy gives the sense they are dating or when you get to know them you feel like they should be dating many times. Girls in a group are trouble. Only the sleaziest will approach and they'll more often go for the hottest one.

Where are some good places to go to alone where I could meet single men?

There are single men every where. I don't know of one place being much better than others to the point of being good.

 

I have a hard time holding eye contact with people. If I catch a guy looking, I get too nervous to hold that contact. I assume that he isn't interested, he was just scoping the place and I'll come off as creepy. How do guys feel about a woman holding eye contact with them, even if the guy isn't interested?

A guy who is interested won't find you creepy. If he finds you creepy then he isn't interested and shouldn't matter.

 

Why are some women "invisible" to men? I feel this way sometimes. Is is always about looks?

No woman is invisible but men won't make their interest known for every woman they like. Looks do play a leading role, but being approachable is very important too.

 

What "traits" do you notice in women who effortlessly meet men in real life vs. those of us who are just lost causes?

You shouldn't allow yourself to feel like a lost cause even when there is nothing about your circumstances to uplift your spirit.

 

Women who have it easier in getting asked are naturally adorable and cute, sexy, or beautiful. They have a petite or curvy body. They are young or look younger. They appear nonthreatening and easy to approach or are flirtatiously or seductively welcoming. They dress provocatively. It is all the things you already realize. It doesn't help to dwell on it. If you have one of these advantages then you are already using it to your benefit. Becoming obsessed with them will only drive you crazy.

[Shaun-Dro]

Great job jumping to conclusions! I met most of my male friends through a local "fanclub" of a sport team that is a few hours away. I'm one of few ladies there. I would have loved to date the male members but most have made it clear that I am not their type. That's fine. We still maintain a friendship over our love of the sport and we hang out to talk about trades, playoffs, etc... Aside from them, the other male friends are gay but just not openly so. I do not maintain friendships with guys I've rejected. What good is that?

 

Stop hanging on to your friend's arm and maybe you'll get approached. As well as learn to go to certain places alone or at best with one female type friend. And learn to give hints to guys you're interested in if you're such a chicken to talk. Having a guy tag along all the time will get you nowhere!

[bikinibeach]

I do not maintain friendships with guys I've rejected. What good is that?

 

 

...but you let them retain them with you? mmhmm...???

 

what thatone said is dead on. and right. and YES you have to put effort into your looks to catch someone's eye. period.

[somedude81]

Being with another guy is guy repellant.

 

As for where to meet guys. There are tons of places. You have it so easy and you don't even know it.

 

One suggestion to start you off.

 

Go to a salsa club. Bring a lady friend if you don't want to be by yourself. Do the beginner lesson and stay for the free dancing part. You will have so many guys approaching you to dance you won't know what to do with them all. Since you're a woman, you can dance with really good guys as long as you can keep doing the basic and let yourself be led.