LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Why do people call me selfish?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st May 2011, 8:09 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 51
Why do people call me selfish?

They call me selfish because I want to stay single forever.... I help people out till this day. I had not great experiences with dating women in the past. No I see that I am better off and don't have to worry about cheating, divorce/marriage costs, Splitting assets. Paternity tests. Etc. I had women lie to me in the past and I am not as naive as I used to be when it comes to a relationship. I learned that no matter how you treat a woman, if she wants to cheat on you then she will.

Does staying single make me selfish? I need to know. I may have to do some re evaluating
avenger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 8:13 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,246
No, staying single isn't a selfish act. If you're happy being single don't let morons tell you how to live your life.

Most often, people tell other's they're selfish because they want the purportedly "selfish" person to do something for them or to be a certain way. In essence, it's a control mechanism.
threebyfate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 8:19 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Disillusioned's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: West Los Angeles
Posts: 3,159
Well, I'll be the first to admit I'm selfish, if you want to see it that way. I only share love with my Realdoll because I doubt any woman would appreciate it. No woman ever loved me, so why should I give but never get?
__________________
You'll never do anything right if you listen to all the wrong people. ---my friend Ed
Disillusioned is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 8:36 PM   #4
Cee
Established Member
 
Cee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,178
Staying single is not selfish. You have more time, income, and energy to devote to friends, family, and community. As long as you nourish yourself, have a sense of purpose, and be relational with others, you can be happy. And a happy person can give a lot. Even smiling at a stranger on the street is a nice gift to the world.

Don't listen to the singles haters. They are revealing their own fear and diseased thinking.
Cee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 8:38 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: United Rock of America
Posts: 8,634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kriss View Post
She's cheating on you.
lololololololol
SmileFace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 8:39 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,246
I should add that if you're honestly looking to lead a happy and healthy life, ditch the hatred and fear. You're only hurting yourself.
threebyfate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 9:06 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 307
Well, I have been single for my whole life, excluding a short 3 month fling (that meant nothing), so I can't really say I have experience.

And you know what? I am fine with that.

If a woman doesn't want to be with me, it's her loss. I didn't chose to look nerdy, or to have nerdy interests, or to be shy. But I kick ass doing it, so therefore any woman who doesn't want to discover what's hidden underneath the nerdiness, isn't worth even pursuing.

Is this a selfish act? Perhaps. But it's also equally selfish that they date men who are the polar opposite of me, and ignore me. That strikes me as much more selfish than anything I've been doing.

If anything, I have a healthy outlook and perspective on where I'm at, and what my life consists of, present and future.
TheLawmaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 9:38 PM   #8
Established Member
 
ilovedhim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 316
I'm beginning to think being single is the only way to true happiness. That way you get to share different interests with many people instead of living in a hole with just one miserable person. Let's be real, the only good time ina relationship is the dating period. Who finds budgeting and washing dishes sexy?
__________________
Have no friends not equal to yourself -Confucius
ilovedhim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 9:42 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 123
First off - human beings are selfish by nature, period.

That aside - it depends how you define being "single." If you define it by sleeping with multiple women at the same time, deceiving them into thinking your in a relationship with them, etc - then yes, you are being selfish.

If you consider "single" to be - exactly what that is, of course not. If you've been hurt in the past and choose to enter something with a woman slowly, doesn't work out, and you move on - also not selfish.

So - it depends on how you are defining single, imo.

-----------
To the "shy" guy - how old are you? I agree that a woman should show interest in the guy she is interested in. However, I don't think it's "selfish" for a woman to go after a guy who talks to her, is interested in her, etc. Girls are pretty easy to talk to - the key is not being afraid of rejection.

Since you are shy, I would suggest doing simple things. It would help if I knew your age, but here goes. For example - if you're in school (high school, college, grad) - you can say to a girl you're interested in "man I'm hungry. wanna grab a bite?" - this line can be interpreted many ways - the key is, if the girl is in to you, she'll say yes (even if she isn't, she may say yes too - that's what going to eat and talking will help you discover - ask to do something on another day, etc). You can try things like that a couple times (I wouldn't more than 3) on someone you're interested in. Can change it to coffee...whatever. But that's a very simple way to get the ball rolling that doesn't require a lot of nerves.

And if you she says she is busy (she may be) play it off - "that's cool, ok, ttyl" or "Ouch! now i have to eat alone, but its okay (in a joking way)"
ConfusedGuy28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 9:44 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovedhim View Post
I'm beginning to think being single is the only way to true happiness. That way you get to share different interests with many people instead of living in a hole with just one miserable person. Let's be real, the only good time ina relationship is the dating period. Who finds budgeting and washing dishes sexy?
My longest relationship was 9 years. The great thing about it was watching it all evolve over time. You lose passion (any LTR eventually does) but you gain a deep connection and closeness. Just have to find the balance that works in the relationship. There are perks, lol
ConfusedGuy28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 10:12 PM   #11
Established Member
 
ilovedhim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 316
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGuy28 View Post
My longest relationship was 9 years. The great thing about it was watching it all evolve over time. You lose passion (any LTR eventually does) but you gain a deep connection and closeness. Just have to find the balance that works in the relationship. There are perks, lol
see, was... as in past tense.

my longest was 7. the only other one 3. both men are currently in my life and making me crazy.

just imagine all the missed opportunities we had while being stuck in these ltr's. sure there are perks but do they really outweigh the misery.
ilovedhim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 10:14 PM   #12
Established Member
 
ilovedhim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 316
staying single isn't selfish. keeping someone hostage in a bad R is.
ilovedhim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 10:17 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 51
My definition of single is having no one.... No gf/bf It is just you.
I had women get mad at me when I told them that I was staying single due to what happened to me in the past and they was ready to come over to my house and slap me. I workout and all of that other stuff but I am not one of those outgoing dudes (I am shy) that has to have someone in my life. I just got fed up with the whole guy ask girl out. Guy pay for dates. Guy open up door. Guy gets played aka thanks for the free meals sucker. Dating made me feel like a sucker in a way. Plus I hit a level of anger with my ex on that day that I caught her with a different guy 1 on 1 and lied to me about it. I could have done something that I would have regretted so I left. The day after that, I vowed not to date anymore. I even prayed on the matter. Then people say that I will be lonely and that I was a selfish jerk. I had a woman yesterday snap at me out of nowhere. I don't understand why the women get made when I tell them that I rather be alone. It is not a diss to them. I am not trying to string no one along.
avenger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 10:27 PM   #14
Established Member
 
ilovedhim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 316
yeah, telling a woman you'd rather be alone thanwi th her is a slap in the face. I'd be offended.

do you normally know these women like friends before you start dating?
ilovedhim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st May 2011, 10:36 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 51
The recent one I told that are female friends of mine. Maybe they are attracted to me but I stated it for a while. One of them was like I would get with you but you want to stay single then some bad word... I was like wow. Then the other was like "Am I that ugly?"

smh....

It is a lose lose for me.
I mean no harm. Maybe it is a bit of lust that they are experiencing or I am different from other guys that they know...
avenger is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why are people having affairs so selfish? why45 Infidelity 16 9th January 2011 4:46 PM
People Who Dont Mind Spending Others' Money; Normal? Self-entitled? Selfish? musemaj11 Dating 11 17th November 2010 3:28 AM
Why does the ex ask other people how your doing but they never call you? Hopelessly_Devoted Breaks and Breaking Up 13 17th August 2008 12:12 PM
Bad people skill? or selfish? I Paulina Archive 2 19th January 2001 3:10 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:29 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.