Cougars: What's Your View of Them?

[OpenBook]

I'm talking about older women dating younger men. What pops into your head when you see them in public or in a magazine? Do you assume they are easy targets (read: pathetic)? or are they smokin' hot? skanky? unnatural? predatory? Do you know any pairs like this IRL? What are they like to hang out with? Thoughts from all sides are welcome. Thanks.

[Woggle]

To each their own.

[Cracker Jack]

I like Cougars. I was friends with one (she was married), and she was...well, very freaky and made it clear what she was looking for. I kept it friendly, tho.

 

So, when I see them with a younger man, I don't think of anything out of the ordinary.

[Feelsgoodman]

I'm talking about older women dating younger men. What pops into your head when you see them in public or in a magazine?

Personally, I find them a rather sad spectacle. Aging, divorced women, desperately trying to recapture their youth, pretending to be 18 again, dressing like wh*res, going out to clubs to chase young boys...maybe I'm old fashioned, but this kind of behavior doesn't strike me as particularly dignified.

[Stung]

I've seen some like in the post above, and they're equally as sad as those middle-aged men we've all seen trying to act like teenagers and actively chasing girls young enough to be his daughter, or granddaughter. It always makes me suspect they're uncomfortable in their own skin, either sex.

 

But.

 

The few "cougars" I actually KNOW are just strong, interesting women, unafraid of experimenting in their romantic lives a little. They're divorced or widowed or never married serial monogamists, and they're cool enough to not be desperately casting about for the next "husband material" to cling to, they're just taking life as it comes. They're not desperately trying to recapture their youth, they're enjoying the confidence and assertiveness that comes with experience. Night and day, really.

 

I'm not sure you can always tell one from the other using just your eyeball, save perhaps the "dressing like whores" part. The few "cougars" I know are a little idiosyncratic, but pretty classy overall, not a single whore in the bunch.

 

The relationships seem okay. At least 2/3 are just enjoying each other's company and dating, but not looking for anything eternal. One pair just got married, and another pair is engaged. The newlyweds are both kind of odd in complementary ways and so I think they might just be absolutely perfect for each other. The engaged couple, well--honestly, I only give it another year. But I've been wrong before.

[JungleLover]

I like cougars. They have a certain sex appeal to them.

[Cee]

I find the term insulting, but I'll own up. I'm a 40 something in an LTR with a 20 something. I consider myself lucky I met someone I love and loves me back. Go ahead and commodify it into your own personal fantasy. I don't care because that has nothing to do with the flesh and blood person I am.

[sanskrit]

More power to them, I wish more women of all ages would get out and assertively go after what they want in dating.

[spiderowl]

Firstly, I think the term 'cougar' is insulting and once again objectifies women. It's easier for some disreputable guys to treat women like objects because then they feel no responsibility towards them.

 

I think it's up to the woman what she wants from dating a much younger guy. If she knows what she's doing, then good for her and I hope she has a great time. If she's seriously thinking that a young guy is with her because he has/is falling in love with her, then she's making a mistake. Even if a young guy becomes attached to an older woman, there's every chance he'll reach a point where he wants children or someone more from his generation, even if he hasn't in the past. I do think such relationships can be valuable to both for a while, but I doubt that most last more than a few years. If she wants to have passionate lovemaking with a young and energetic guy, then why not? If she wants something long-lasting, it's a bit sad because she's likely to get hurt.

Edited May 29, 2011 by spiderowl

[sanskrit]

Firstly, I think the term 'cougar' is insulting and once again objectifies women.

 

Well, our media labels everything, from "baby boomer," to "player" to "yuppie," so if there's a phenomenon of older women dating younger men, someone is going to label it, and it isn't all about an insult to women or objectification or men mistreating women.

 

Better "cougar" than other much less flattering terms that might apply.

[lino]

I don't have a problem with them. Though I much prefer girls around my age (29).

 

I must say that it's much better to be labelled a 'cougar' than things like 'creep', 'sleaze', 'dirty old man' or whatever other terms are used to label older guys with much younger women!

[Stung]

Well, I think if it's a mature woman going after a very young man and monopolizing him for a serious relationship, I think that's as negative as when men do it with very young women, because of the power imbalance. I wouldn't be too happy if, say, my son were 18 or 19 and still wet behind the ears and kind of a dumbass about relationships and a woman in her forties was getting him to talk about marriage and babies or being a stepfather because he was so starry-eyed and she was so persuasive/controlling. I have seen that dynamic once or twice and it was messed up, just as it's messed up when the genders are swapped.

 

I don't consider that the "cougar" norm, though.

 

As sanskrit mentioned above, I generally consider it a positive when people are assertive and proactive about what they want in their adult romantic relationships--my caveat being, as long as they're not hurting anyone.

[musemaj11]

I dont have problem classy older women who are after younger men.

 

What gross me out are older women who try to act like they are 21 again. If you are 40 then act like you are 40. Younger men who want older women want them because they want a 40 year old woman who acts her age. I mean whats the point of going for an older woman if she behaves in the same way as 21 year old girls? Might as well go after women who behave and look 21.

[D-Lish]

I've dated younger guys, my recent ex was 6 years younger, and so was my exH. No one ever noticed the age difference. I met my exH when I was 25 and he was 19....

 

I actually dated a guy 11 years younger than me a couple of years ago- and the difference wasn't apparant- I looked a bit younger and he def looked older.

 

Personally I find the term "cougar" offensive- I don't like it much. An older man dating a younger woman gets a high five- there is no "term" describing "him". Maybe he's a "Manther" or something, I dunno:laugh:.

 

Why is it that women get a label and men get a high five?

[oaks]

What pops into your head when you see them in public or in a magazine?

 

Makes me wish I was young again.

[musemaj11]

Personally I find the term "cougar" offensive- I don't like it much. An older man dating a younger woman gets a high five- there is no "term" describing "him". Maybe he's a "Manther" or something, I dunno:laugh:.

 

Why is it that women get a label and men get a high five?

Actually these days men who get with women over ten years his junior receive more negative perception then the opposite.

[Tybalt]

I don't know if I'm in the category or not, but I recently dated a very handsome man (a sports model) 9 years my junior. While out on our second date, a random guy in a bar told us we made a beautiful couple.

[Ginger Beer]

I'm talking about older women dating younger men. What pops into your head when you see them in public or in a magazine? Do you assume they are easy targets (read: pathetic)? or are they smokin' hot? skanky? unnatural? predatory? Do you know any pairs like this IRL? What are they like to hang out with? Thoughts from all sides are welcome. Thanks.

 

I personally wouldn't. Wrinkly skin, not smooth and soft like a young girl (18+). I am not attracted to many older women. I doubt they'd have anything in common with me either.

[EasyHeart]

Personally I find the term "cougar" offensive- I don't like it much. An older man dating a younger woman gets a high five- there is no "term" describing "him". Maybe he's a "Manther" or something, I dunno:laugh:.

 

Why is it that women get a label and men get a high five?

What planet are you living on???

[bac]

I dont have problem classy older women who are after younger men.

 

What gross me out are older women who try to act like they are 21 again. If you are 40 then act like you are 40. Younger men who want older women want them because they want a 40 year old woman who acts her age. I mean whats the point of going for an older woman if she behaves in the same way as 21 year old girls? Might as well go after women who behave and look 21.

 

How can an older woman behave as 21 y.o? What do you mean? What kind of behavior?

[i'mfaraway]

I don't want to be a cougar and the thought of it scares me. I would feel like I'm having a gigolo.

 

I don't care whether I'm being seen as a successful, confident, beautiful woman snaring a younger guy. It's just me.

[bac]

I'm talking about older women dating younger men. What pops into your head when you see them in public or in a magazine? Do you assume they are easy targets (read: pathetic)? or are they smokin' hot? skanky? unnatural? predatory? Do you know any pairs like this IRL? What are they like to hang out with? Thoughts from all sides are welcome. Thanks.

 

I am kind of a cougar so I can give you my point on the situation.

But, I do not have serious LTRs with younger guys.

I feel very uncomfortable to go out with much younger guys (about 20 yrs age difference). I think of the negative things that people think about us. It does not feel natural in public but it feels very natural in bedroom.

IMO I am an easy target if a guy looks good for sex with me.

But, if I do not like his looks or attitude, I am not going to deal with him.

I do not believe in a serious LTR with a much younger guy.

I feel that I am predatory in a good sense. I am going to give him what he wants if he wants to have sex.

 

I am not looking for younger guys specifically, I just have to choose them because they are available for sex and they are somehow better than older guys in 40s.

[i'mfaraway]

I feel very uncomfortable to go out with much younger guys (about 20 yrs age difference). I think of the negative things that people think about us. It does not feel natural in public but it feels very natural in bedroom.

 

On the contrary, I don't feel natural in bedroom with younger guys. I like a dominant man, someone I feel little to. Even if the young guys are dominant sexually, I don't feel it that way. I feel like I'm dealing with a "kid."

[iJester]

I like'm.

 

 

 

 

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[ascendotum]

I say good on ‘em. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Though there is a difference between a classy older woman and a drunk, tarty older woman with the muffin top look and makeup the same she did in the 70/80s.

As for labels, well I agree with Sanskrit, it’s not especially a term that is exclusively used by men. The media love it. And as for the older men getting high fives...well they also get labelled 'creep', 'sleaze', 'dirty old man' as lino pointed out.

 

LS is really the only place where I see women hating on the term. In real life the women I know who get called it, certainly seen to like it. It means they are still seen as vibrant and having sex appeal. Isn’t it better to be considered a sex object (using the term bluntly) still in your 40s and up than to be treated as wallpaper (a term a mid 40s woman used in regards to not having men flirt with her anymore)