A friend restricted my FB access

[Eternal Sunshine]

This girl I work with and am friends with decided to one day restrict me from seeing her list of friends. I didn't think much of it. Then few weeks later, she restricted me from seeing her whole wall

 

I asked a mutual friend and she is not restricted. So she obviously singled me out for restriction. I like to figure things out and I just don't get it. We both used to comment on each other's statuses etc all the time.

 

I e-mailed her about it and she said that she is just being more aware of her privacy WTF

 

So today I decided to just de-friend her. Did I do the right thing?

 

What's the point of being FB friends when she basically restricted me from everything while having access to my whole FB.

 

Biatch

 

I guess I am just puzzled 'cause I am usually well liked by people (in real life not LS) and this sort of thing never happens to me...

Edited April 21, 2011 by Eternal Sunshine

[nothappyjan]

Omg a good friend of mine did that lately just to a very small group of us. Other friends still had access. I was really annoyed as we've never done anything to her. One of my friends confronted her over it and she said she didnt want people writing on her wall all the time. That makes no sense as we never write on her wall yet her other friends do and they have access.

 

Since then i've limited contact with her and she seems to be distancing herself. I'm just letting her go as I figure it's up to her to make an effort and she obviously is being secretive for some strange reason.

[green_tea]

Wow I too had the exact same thing happen to me. A male friend of mine, now I can't write on his wall, comment on his status or even like! Yet I see others liking away and commenting away!!!! It really annoyed me. I was going to ask him about it when I saw him again, but I feel like I can't contact him now, so waiting for him or mutual friends to arrange something.

 

No idea why he restricted me, as the most I've ever done is say happy bday on his wall, and liked a few status updates. That's it, nothing annoying or offensive.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah, I also only ever made positive comments and likes. And she did the same on my wall is it's not like I was hassling her. I thought we were having a mutual friendship.

 

I just wonder what goes through people's head when they suddenly do stuff like this

 

Well, I now one-upped her by deleting her

[PerpetualMotion]

Facebook drama never gets old...

 

Honestly, I don't understand why get upset for having restricted access to a friend's profile. Personally, it's the friendship in the real world that counts.

 

Not everyone uses Facebook the same way. I have a friend that refuses friend requests from co-workers, even those he is friendly with. He also claims that it's for privacy reasons. IMO, if someone is really concerned with his/her privacy, the last thing that person will do is join FB, but he's very careful with what he posts there.

[makelemonade1974]

It probably has nothing to do with you. I did this recently, as my ex-boyfriend has turned into a vindictive psychopath and I don't want him to know anything about my life in fear of his retribution. I hid my friends list and blocked about 25 people, but I wasn't close to them anyway, so not a big deal. I have the most obnoxious privacy settings ever, and have probably PO'd tons of people. Oh well. Privacy is privacy.

 

She may be having some sort of trouble with someone you are acquainted with and needs more privacy, or maybe has decided to use her page for just professional situations - idk. Again, I doubt it has anything to do with you unless you can think of a way you have offended her.

 

Don't sweat it. It's just FB. FB is evil - I do believe it may somehow bring about the end of the world via nuclear bombs. Sadaam Hussein is going to unfriend Obama, and that will be it.

[ASG]

I have very hardcore privacy settings as well!

 

I have everyone divided into groups and different groups can see different things. Some are blocked in chat, other can't see friends list, other can't see wall...

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Mrlonelyone]

I feel where the OP and the people with "hardcore" privacy settings are comming from.

 

I too use list of friends to block people from seeing certain things. However I do not block people from commenting on things they can see.

 

It's a bad idea on FB's part for them to make it possible to let certain people see your wall and status....but not be able to comment on it. It's insulting... It's like saying "I am good enough to talk to you but you cannot speak to me".

 

That said I have list of people and depending on what list one is on they can see different things.

 

________________

 

Now as for the OP's situation I was in a similar position with respect to someone I thought was a friend. We had been just having conversation on FB... nothing offensive. Then they went and blocked me from commenting on anything they wrote after I did the horrible thing of saying "good morning" to them on a status update where they had complained the night before of not getting any sleep.

 

commenting blocked over saying good morning?

 

I sent a message then waited for a reply... then defriended them. However we kept up contact via FB messages. It was like keeping in touch with someone online in the days before FB when one had to send emails. After things cooled down I sent a friend request which was never replied to. Then the person did the same sort of thing. I sent a similarly in offensive message and BAM totally blocked?

 

So I think that FB has had the undesirable effect of depersonalizing friendships. Now there is no need to have an adult discussion, or to tell someone what's bothering you, or to try to work things out. Now we have a way to stick our fingers in our ears and say "la la la la la! I can't hear you! La la la..."

[fortyninethousand322]

Had the same thing happen to me. A friend, a girl I went to homecoming dance with senior year of high school. We hadn't talked much in a while and one day when I went to wish her a happy birthday, I couldn't write on her wall. I could view it but couldn't write anything. Her photos were similarly blocked from view.

 

It was weird. But I didn't get all worked up over it. If she didn't want to be wished a happy birthday it's her loss.

[Mrlonelyone]

49322

 

I don't think anyone's worked up over it. It's more like were're confused by it.

 

The act of letting someone see your status but not be able to comment does not really enhance privacy. So that person can see what your up to but can't say anything. It's like putting a gag in their mouth.

 

 

In real life to get totally cut off you have to do something pretty dire. While people seem to do it on FB for no reason what so ever.

 

I will also point out the following. FB has been known to block up and disable features of peoples accounts for no reason what so ever. I.e. FB will decide to stop you from sending messages on it's own if they think what you are doing is spamming or harassment.

 

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=20531316728&topic=8375

http://www.facebook.com/help/?question=1037753

 

There are dozens of such complaints.

 

FB will just stop people from sending messages, or writing on peoples walls or sending friend request etc. I once had a friend who I could not stay friends with. We would take turns sending friend request only to have our friendship taken apart as soon as we logged out. FB was doing it not either of us.

 

So some of it may be FB being weird.

[jerbear]

The FB experience is different for everyone. I use friends lists to block certain people from seeing things. Friends see one thing, co-workers see another, politics another, etc...

 

Defriending is good, she in effect defriended you without defriending you.

[fortyninethousand322]

49322

 

I don't think anyone's worked up over it. It's more like were're confused by it.

 

The act of letting someone see your status but not be able to comment does not really enhance privacy. So that person can see what your up to but can't say anything. It's like putting a gag in their mouth.

 

 

In real life to get totally cut off you have to do something pretty dire. While people seem to do it on FB for no reason what so ever.

 

I will also point out the following. FB has been known to block up and disable features of peoples accounts for no reason what so ever. I.e. FB will decide to stop you from sending messages on it's own if they think what you are doing is spamming or harassment.

 

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=20531316728&topic=8375

http://www.facebook.com/help/?question=1037753

 

There are dozens of such complaints.

 

FB will just stop people from sending messages, or writing on peoples walls or sending friend request etc. I once had a friend who I could not stay friends with. We would take turns sending friend request only to have our friendship taken apart as soon as we logged out. FB was doing it not either of us.

 

So some of it may be FB being weird.

 

I wasn't trying to make it sound like people were getting worked up. I was just saying I didn't get worked up over it.

 

Facebook and other such sites are changing the way people interact socially. Sounds like the topic of a book someone should write.

[Confusedalways]

Sorry- I disagree with anyone saying this isn't a big deal. Facebook is an online reflection of yourself. Clicking a button to disable someones contact with you (and only you) IS a slap in the face. That'd be like standing around in a circle of friends just ignoring what the person had to say in real life.

 

People can hate on facebook all they want- but it IS an online representation of one's self and does represent what they think about the offline you, too. (This, of course, is all null if someone restricts their privacy to EVERYONE, or simply just family, or something like that- I'm talking about singling people out)

 

I would have defriended her too.

[Star Gazer]

Why is this in the dating section?

 

Someone wanting privacy doesn't make them a b*tch. Also doesn't mean the world revolves around you.

[Mrlonelyone]

Why is this in the dating section?

 

Someone wanting privacy doesn't make them a b*tch. Also doesn't mean the world revolves around you.

 

It's not that the just "want privacy". It is that they went through the trouble to single out certain people for such treatment. It is like confused said. It is the equivalent of being in a group of people and they are all talking to eachother but ignore what you say ( or are hostile to what you say).

 

If someone does that to everyone that's different. Restricting most everyone is about privacy...restricting just one person...in such a way that they can see what you say but cannot comment... is an insult.

[Survivor12]

Forgive me for somewhat hi-jacking your post, but still on the topic of fb...

 

I have just recently changed some of my settings for a few reasons and either restricted or blocked a few people for reasons that have nothing to do with how I feel about them personally, but about how they choose to "use" fb.

 

One, for example, who underwent surgery recently on her ankle/leg, apparently doesn't understand that the photos of her injury are not something that some of us do not really care to see. She's a nice girl and all, and I am very sorry about her situation, but the pics she posts turn my stomach.

 

I also blocked a guy who has just begun dating someone and feels the need to post several times a day about how in love he is and what a wonderful woman his new gf is. Although I am very happy for him, the problem is much of what he posts is simply tmi.

 

Then, there is a guy who is a hypochondriac and whose posts are terribly depressing. Again, I feel for him, but I was beginning to get annoyed at his constant "pity party". Thing is, in person, he isn't a downer at all. It's like he saves it all for fb.

 

There are a few others...the one that has posted "questionable" jokes on my wall, another who chooses to use fb to self-promote her business and NEVER has anything of a personal nature to offer, a seemingly quiet guy who spouts his political agenda in a very insulting and demeaning way, and a woman I went to school with who apparently has severe mental issues & whose frequent "stream of consciousness" in multiple posts (sometimes 50 or more, other times up to 200!) literally takes up page after page (on my iphone).

 

Again, many of these are people who, in person, are not the same as they come off being on fb and most are people I genuinely like.

 

Personally, I use fb to stay in touch with people who I do not have the opportunity to see often, to exchange pics of family and friends and special interests, to share interesting links and upcoming events, and to acknowledge birthdays, accomplishments and other such milestones. If I want to know about or share more intimate details, I do so in person.

 

Frankly, I think it would be a good thing if fb would rename "friends" as "contacts"...it would clear up a lot of misunderstanding.

 

Just my 2 cents...now, please, carry on

[Star Gazer]

I have various different privacy settings for certain specific people as well as groups of people. It's not an insult that I don't want to share certain things with them. They certainly have the same option. If they choose not to use it, that's their choice.

 

It's really immature to think otherwise, IMO.

 

It's also highly self-indulgent for ES to think just because a mutual friend isn't restricted, that she's the ONNNNLY friend that the FBer chose to restrict. No one (including ES) knows the inner workings of all the other "friendships," and why the FBer might feel more comfortable with the mutual friend seeing everything but not ES. I have several girls who are restricted, but our mutual friends are not.

 

Basically, the girl isn't a "biatch" as ES called her. Calling her that over her privacy settings is ridiculous and immature.

 

Further, the fact that ES even noticed she got restricted tells me she was going to the girl's page quite often, and she admits to commenting. Maybe she was doing it enough to just straight up annoy her.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I also hate it when my mum says "But Facebook is a virtual world" or "Facebook is not real".

 

Yes, Facebook is very much real. ALL people on my friends list I know in real life sans a few with whom I have deep online friendships. So yes, Facebook is not some made up world. It's a slap in the face that she did it to me while remaining super-friendly. I just hate two-faced people. If you have a problem with me at least be straight-froward about it.

 

The worst part is that I actually interact with her quite a lot in real life and have once made a website for her small business for free. I could even understand if she had issues with someone and had to restrict me as a collateral damage. But she could have at least e-mailed me and given me the gist of the situation

[fortyninethousand322]

I have various different privacy settings for certain specific people as well as groups of people. It's not an insult that I don't want to share certain things with them. They certainly have the same option. If they choose not to use it, that's their choice.

 

It's really immature to think otherwise, IMO.

 

It's also highly self-indulgent for ES to think just because a mutual friend isn't restricted, that she's the ONNNNLY friend that the FBer chose to restrict. No one (including ES) knows the inner workings of all the other "friendships," and why the FBer might feel more comfortable with the mutual friend seeing everything but not ES. I have several girls who are restricted, but our mutual friends are not.

 

Basically, the girl isn't a "biatch" as ES called her. Calling her that over her privacy settings is ridiculous and immature.

 

Further, the fact that ES even noticed she got restricted tells me she was going to the girl's page quite often, and she admits to commenting. Maybe she was doing it enough to just straight up annoy her.

 

This is pretty spot on.

 

In my case I had only commented on my friend's wall on the odd occasion, usually a "hey how's school going?" sort of thing or to wish her a happy birthday, stuff like that. To be perfectly honest I think the girl who restricted me underwent a religious thing where she wanted to restrict contact with guys on the whole. Kind of weird to me, but hey, to each their own. None of my business.

[Lilmisus]

I personally don't think it's that big of a deal. Like my one friend said the other day when someone got mad at her for deleting her "When did Facebook become real life? Who cares?"

 

The thing is this...you don't know who all she restricted and why. You know she didn't restrict the one person..yet..but who else? I like to have it to where only friends are added as my friends, and only closer friends can see my updates and whatnot. Doesn't mean that I have an issue with others (well, some yea), it just means that I don't want them seeing what I'm throwing out there. One person I remember deleting (who I was friendly towards) because I didn't like the thought of her seeing my updates and whatnot. Same with others. I'm actually trying to encourage my mom to do the same. She has many friends on her's, but she doesn't want them seeing what she's doing, or posting there, because to her, it's none of their business, no matter how nice they are. She just wants her best friends and family to see things.

 

She may now have it to where only close friends can see things, or close coworkers. You may not have been singled out as you think. Don't make this an excuse to hate her or act differently towards her in real life though (or expect her to act differently towards you). After all, it's only Facebook.

[Survivor12]

"ALL people on my friends list I know in real life"

 

Knowing-or even liking-someone does not in and of itself make them a friend.

 

Considering someone a friend does not necessarily mean that they feel the same about you--nor does them not considering you a "friend" (in the "real life sense of the word") mean that they dislike you any more than being a fb "friend means that they do.

 

I am not saying this to be mean...but I think that it would help if you were to accept that not everyone thinks/feels the same as you do. Just because YOUR perception is that the change on fb was a slap in the face does NOT mean that SHE intended it to be.

[elaina]

This girl I work with and am friends with decided to one day restrict me from seeing her list of friends. I didn't think much of it. Then few weeks later, she restricted me from seeing her whole wall

 

I asked a mutual friend and she is not restricted. So she obviously singled me out for restriction. I like to figure things out and I just don't get it. We both used to comment on each other's statuses etc all the time.

 

I e-mailed her about it and she said that she is just being more aware of her privacy WTF

 

So today I decided to just de-friend her. Did I do the right thing?

 

What's the point of being FB friends when she basically restricted me from everything while having access to my whole FB.

 

Biatch

 

I guess I am just puzzled 'cause I am usually well liked by people (in real life not LS) and this sort of thing never happens to me...

 

I think it was fine to de-friend her. If it was a misunderstanding, then it is up to her to talk with you about it.

 

When I first started using facebook, everyone could see my profile, so a friend told me to do the privacy thing. (I am not facebook savy.) So I did, but I didn't realize I blocked people from writing on my wall, and I actually made a few people mad and didn't realize it. My aunt even defriended me lol. Once I saw she had defriended me, I sent her a message asking why and I apologize if I offended her in any way. She said that I had her restricted, and I looked back on my privacy settings and realized I had restricted everybody! So I asked a friend to help me and now everything's cool (and she friended me again lol.)

 

In your case, I don't think it was because she is ignorant of facebook, but there are some people like me who don't use facebook very much (I hardly ever use facebook... mainly it's to help me remember peoples' birthdays lol) and so if a person is not on facebook all that much and has you restricted, it's probably because they might not know they set their privacy settings too "harsh."

[SmileFace]

Were you dating this friend?

[fortyninethousand322]

"ALL people on my friends list I know in real life"

 

Knowing-or even liking-someone does not in and of itself make them a friend.

 

Considering someone a friend does not necessarily mean that they feel the same about you--nor does them not considering you a "friend" (in the "real life sense of the word") mean that they dislike you any more than being a fb "friend means that they do.

 

I am not saying this to be mean...but I think that it would help if you were to accept that not everyone thinks/feels the same as you do. Just because YOUR perception is that the change on fb was a slap in the face does NOT mean that SHE intended it to be.

 

That's a good way to approach things with facebook and "friends", although not everyone does this of course.

 

I think facebook has changed the way we view friendship and how we define our relationships with people. I mean there's a lot of people I'm "friends" with on facebook that aren't really my "friends" but they're not really acquaintances either. They're in some kind of muddled grey area between friend and acquaintance. Some are people I had classes with in college, others from high school, some are people I work with, some are childhood friends, etc. It's a much different setup than real life.

 

Anyway, if someone wants to think it's a slap in the face they can, I would never invalidate someone else's feelings. It takes a lot to get me to feel offended or slighted so this sort of thing never bothers me, but I agree with you that people need to keep in mind the various interpretations of online relationships and etiquette.

 

As the theme song from "Diff'rent Strokes" went: "what might be right for you, may not be right for some".

[dispatch3d]

I'd just defriend her. I wouldn't even bother with a why me email. It just reflects poorly on her. I'd move on because honestly some girl limiting my access on facebook is so unimportant to me I wouldn't want to waste my time.