annabanana85 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 So I posted about this situation a couple of days back but just wanted to give an update. I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks now. He is a nerdy PhD student from Europe and not so much experience with girls. We are both in our mid 20's. Five days ago I went to his place for dinner and we had a great time and amazing sex. After sex, while we were cuddling I told him that I really liked him. Then he asked me if I have a bf and said that he would be interested in being in a relationship with me. He said let’s just spend time as often as possible and see how things go. He also said that he really likes me as a person and he thinks I'm very nice, smart, polite and attractive. We left on very good terms and there were no red flags. Since our date he had not contacted me. Usually he would contact me right away via e-mail or txt. I sent him a msg on Saturday and he got back to me Saturday night (10 hours later) telling me that he was really busy with work over the weekend and he misses me and wants to see me on Monday night. We have not hanged out for the past two weekends and we only see eachother once a week during the week. We e-mail back and forth sometimes throughout the week. I think there are two possibilities; either he is awkward and does not know how to pursue a relationship (It is true that he is dorky and awkward and inexperienced) or he is a player interested in an FWB set up? How can I gauge his intentions? What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabanana85 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 I dunno I find it kind of strange that we only txt and email each other and mostly its about setting up meetings. It's weird that our relationship has progressed so much sexually but not emotionally and in other aspects. We don't call eachother or ask eachother how stuff is going. He is very inexperienced with girls and has never had a relationship before so it could be possible that he does not know how to carry out a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 He is very inexperienced with girls and has never had a relationship before so it could be possible that he does not know how to carry out a relationship. From what you've written that seems to be truer than him being a player. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Well you can wait and see if he eventually takes a better interest in you, or you can risk turning him off by asking where this is going. Actually, instead of going to one of your places and having sex, try going out somewhere. Dinner, show, long walk in a park, something other than your place. You can get to know each other better that way. If he scoffs at the idea, then you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 If it's true that he's inexperienced with girls and doesn't really seem to know what he's doing, why don't you help lead him? Or show him what's good to do in a relationship, and what's not. Say, call him up sometime just to talk about things, to let him know that you want to talk on the phone more. If he texts you, call him up and say "hey, sorry, can't text right now, so decided to call instead. What's up?" Start asking him how his day is going, and what he's up to, to break the ice. Send cute little messages like "thinking of you!" or whatever to let him know that you're interested and what kind of things you'd like to be said back to you. Make it clear though that you want the attention and affection shown back. Just remember how confusing your first or second relationship was, and imagine being in that spot again. It may or may not be how he's feeling right now. If though, he doesn't take the lead on anything you try, and doesn't make dates with you as often as he should or disappears off the face of the earth for more than a day or so, then I'd say he's playing the player card and you should bounce. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 I agree with avoiding alone time in private places. Keep it public until he commits to a relationship. If he's disinterested in going out, then whether knowingly or unknowingly, he's setting up an FWB. At this point, he hasn't even committed to exclusivity within an FWB scenario just set the hook for a possibility of a relationship. Any idea what he enjoys doing, outside of the bedroom? If not, it's time to get to know him better. Link to post Share on other sites
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