Does severe social anxiety make getting into a relationship impossible?

[TwilightSky]

Well, I know it isn't "impossible" but it damn sure feels like it. I'm 25 years old, and have never hit on a girl. I just felt there wasn't a point mainly because of low self-esteem. Girls have attempted to strike up conversations with me, but I give weak responses back.

 

I know women are all different, but but I can't help but feel they view anxiety subconsciously as a repellent. Even if they didn't, it's an insurmountable roadblock I don't know how to overcome. Does anyone else feel like this, or have any success stories?

[Leeway Harris]

You could probably benefit from professional help. If you aren't already, could you start seeing a therapist? You might also get evaluated by a psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist will suggest medication, because they always do, but it'll be your decision whether you want to try going that route.

 

Many, many people experience social anxiety to different degrees, and if it's interfering with your life to the point where you're unable to interact with women at age 25, you really should consider taking some bold action, like therapy. There's definitely hope, but you have to take the first steps.

[Ross PK]

There were quite a few people on a social anxiety board that I used to go on who were in relationships, not just the women but guys too. I'm not sure if any of them had 'severe' social anxiety though.

[orangelady]

You could probably benefit from professional help. If you aren't already, could you start seeing a therapist? You might also get evaluated by a psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist will suggest medication, because they always do, but it'll be your decision whether you want to try going that route.

 

Many, many people experience social anxiety to different degrees, and if it's interfering with your life to the point where you're unable to interact with women at age 25, you really should consider taking some bold action, like therapy. There's definitely hope, but you have to take the first steps.

 

Yeah, I am 28 and I think I still suffer some form of social anxiety. But I make a lot of effort to talk to new people. I usually also try to work in a job that has a very buzzing environment so that I am always around people who are boisterous and noisy so that it slowly rubs off on you.

 

Try to hang around people who are extroverted. I find that it has helped me quite a bit. Now I have better confidence in going up to certain people to talk because I'm used to it. It's not so startling. Don't just hang with the introverts. It's more 'comfortable' but you will just remain quiet like them. I did just that many years ago. I only wanted to be around people that were exactly like me and it did nothing for me.

[Lilmisus]

Growing up I had severe SAD (social anxiety disorder), to where I was afraid to even talk. I spoke in a whisper..not even, I would move my lips, but no words would come out, because I hated the attention people gave me. I used to be considered mute, haha. But seriously, up until around 9th grade, it was very severe for me, and I loathed the idea of dating anyone at all (let alone talking to people), and it left me physically sick many times. But thankfully, I met a few good people who helped me start slowly making my way out of my shell, very slowly but surely. It wasn't until maybe my 12th grade year that I felt that I had really and truly made great progress and that being a social phobic was something of the past..it wasn't, but I felt that way.

 

But having guys hit on me and ask me out all the time didn't help at all. Like I said, I loathed the idea of dating. The simple idea was terrifying - having to talk to the person, get to know them, the idea of them meeting my parents, meeting theirs, physical contact, etc. I shot down many, many guys, which now that I think about, I feel pretty bad about.

 

My ex was the first guy I've ever really dated. He helped me sooo much to really and truly get over my social anxiety. He helped me realize that there was nothing to be afraid about when it comes to getting to know somebody, or dating them, and he was the first person who all my fear just went away, around. I told him though (he was actually the first person) that I had social anxiety, and told him what I needed from him, and he helped. I can now, honestly and truly say that I no longer have social anxiety, and it was all because of him. He's still encouraging me to go out and date, even though we're no longer together, and still is there for me and understands if I need him to be.

 

There is hope for those with SAD, and though I strongly recommend you getting cognitive-behavioral therapy for it, I didn't and I can say that it's possible to overcome your social anxiety without it. I actually wrote a paper about it last semester, and one of the sites I found beneficial was this one http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/experiences.htmlso you can check it out if you want to; that link is to the personal stories part of the site, but there's much more to it than just that. But just remember, as my ex has told me countless times, it is just a mental block that's holding you back, nothing else. You have the ability to date, you can do whatever you want to do, as long as you recognize that this is only a mental block and that you can overcome it.

 

But you may want to start out slow. Maybe try online dating? I know for me, that would result in way more anxiety because of people's expectations of me if we did go out, so if that's not something you'd be interested in, I understand. Or maybe, join a club? If you have a couple of friends who know about your anxiety, maybe you could ask them for help in finding someone to date? There are many solutions to it, but I think your absolute best bet would be to seek therapy first, and then worry about dating.

[TwilightSky]

Growing up I had severe SAD people who helped me start slowly making my way out of my shell, very slowly but surely. It wasn't until maybe my 12th grade year that I felt that I had really and truly made great progress and that being a social phobic was something of the past..it wasn't, but I felt that way.

 

But having guys hit on me and ask me out all the time didn't help at all. Like I said, I loathed the idea of dating. The simple idea was terrifying - having to talk to the person, get to know them, the idea of them meeting my parents, meeting theirs, physical contact, etc. I shot down many, many guys, which now that I think about, I feel pretty bad about.

 

My ex was the first guy I've ever really dated. He helped me sooo much to really and truly get over my social anxiety. He helped me realize that there was nothing to be afraid about when it comes to getting to know somebody, or dating them, and he was the first person who all my fear just went away, around. I told him though (he was actually the first person) that I had social anxiety, and told him what I needed from him, and he helped. I can now, honestly and truly say that I no longer have social anxiety, and it was all because of him. He's still encouraging me to go out and date, even though we're no longer together, and still is there for me and understands if I need him to be.

 

There is hope for those with SAD, and though I strongly recommend you getting cognitive-behavioral therapy for it, I didn't and I can say that it's possible to overcome your social anxiety without it. I actually wrote a paper about it last semester, and one of the sites I found beneficial was this one http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/experiences.htmlso you can check it out if you want to; that link is to the personal stories part of the site, but there's much more to it than just that. But just remember, as my ex has told me countless times, it is just a mental block that's holding you back, nothing else. You have the ability to date, you can do whatever you want to do, as long as you recognize that this is only a mental block and that you can overcome it.

 

But you may want to start out slow. Maybe try online dating? I know for me, that would result in way more anxiety because of people's expectations of me if we did go out, so if that's not something you'd be interested in, I understand. Or maybe, join a club? If you have a couple of friends who know about your anxiety, maybe you could ask them for help in finding someone to date? There are many solutions to it, but I think your absolute best bet would be to seek therapy first, and then worry about dating.

 

 

Well, this doesn't seem to be the most popular of topics, though I can see why.

 

Anyway, yeah, I definitely agree that I need to pursue some form of therapy before dating. My social life is pretty stagnant at the moment (well, it didn't start out at the best place to begin with), so friends aren't going to be able to help me with my lack of dating experience.

 

I've been thinking about cognitive behavioral therapy, my psych suggested a group setting, I told him I couldn't handle that. I just think it is pointless at my age to explore dating, even though I have a desire to do so.