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Emotional men vs Non-emotional men


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Old 5th April 2011, 4:42 PM   #1
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Emotional men vs Non-emotional men

Which one is more accepted and why?

I have come to a point in my life where if i show certain emotions, particularly those involving pain or love, I would be shamed. For me personally I simply learned to shut up, keep it to myself and fix it or if it cant be fixed then leave it. It's actually a rule of life for me.

I had a few female friends tell me not to do that and its wrong but i can't help to think otherwise. At the same time I am being told to man up about things. I'm not going to change but i was just curious if I'm the only one who thinks this way.

I'm asking because I'm still trying to find a balance in that area. I remember a post by either woggle or untouchable fire. that one of them became ashamed for a time to really care for a woman because many times caring is viewed as a weakness on a man's part or something to be taken advantage of because the man himself is weak. Not always but more true than not.

I felt the same way. But it was only recently that i learned that it isn't truly a weakness. But it isnt a strength either. Things like that makes me have to ask.


What do you think of a man who is emotional vs non-emotional. And a side question for women. Which one's are you more fond of and which one's would you rather be with?
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Old 5th April 2011, 5:44 PM   #2
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Non-emotional men are preferred over emotional men.

Women view a man's emotions as foreign, weak, and a sexual turn off.

Women want a man who is their rock. Women often misinterpret non-emotions as being grounded and confident. Ironically, a lack of emotions is a sign of apathy, ignorance and intolerance.
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Old 5th April 2011, 5:50 PM   #3
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Society expects men to be Spocks, emotionless creatures.
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Old 5th April 2011, 7:01 PM   #4
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Yet another example of how difficult dating life can be for men.

When I am dating a girl I am not in love with I naturally keep my defences up and quickly get labeled an uncaring bastard. My gfs always tell me they don't feel valued or that I should show my emotions more because it isn't healthy or they don't like that I'm so cold.

When I do realize I'm in love with a girl I start to let my emotional defences down. Then i'm a wuss and a weakling. 'it's harder to be attracted to a guy who shows his feelings' (I was actually told that by my current gf who also spent the first yr or so of our relationship constantly bugging me to express my feelings more because she felt uncomfortable around me).
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Old 5th April 2011, 7:08 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by thatdog View Post
Yet another example of how difficult dating life can be for men.

When I am dating a girl I am not in love with I naturally keep my defences up and quickly get labeled an uncaring bastard. My gfs always tell me they don't feel valued or that I should show my emotions more because it isn't healthy or they don't like that I'm so cold.

When I do realize I'm in love with a girl I start to let my emotional defences down. Then i'm a wuss and a weakling. 'it's harder to be attracted to a guy who shows his feelings' (I was actually told that by my current gf who also spent the first yr or so of our relationship constantly bugging me to express my feelings more because she felt uncomfortable around me).
This is very true and they wonder why many men would rather just watch porn.
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Old 5th April 2011, 7:22 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by musemaj11 View Post
Society expects men to be Spocks, emotionless creatures.

Hey guys, I'm loving the Darwinian wisdom emanating from your posts. I'm sure you guys also have Darwin's credentials to back up your claims.

By the way, have you guys figured out that there was such a thing as a male poet? That centuries ago, some bright-eyed lad was talking in verse to his girlfriend, and that, we as a society(globally or not), are far more in touch with our emotions and feelings than our forefathers were?

I think you guys are referring to whining. If you guys go around telling people that 'all women are shallow', that 'women are only interested in 20% of the male population', that 'women don't like sex', that all 'women want is men to pay for them', then yeah. You guys are criticized by society.

Because you guys are little girls, complaining about women instead of taking a good look at yourselves - which would result in you lot discovering that the problem is not in women.

Its in you.

You guys also think that women can't discern a sissy from a guy who gets the job done. Well, these endless threads of how 'women are all shallow' and so on, are more than ample proof.

Wait for it... it's coming.. oh my god...

Spock was as emotional as Kirk, he just wasn't manly enough to display his emotions, abiding to silly expectations from his alien heritage. You guys forget that he had a girlfriend? or that his father married the woman he wanted to marry, and not because of $ or political connections?

Last edited by Mr.Cairo; 5th April 2011 at 7:25 PM..
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:00 PM   #7
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I was contemplating on adding this but i decided not to in my first post. When i say emotions. I actually mean EMOTIONS. But not to the extreme like mr cairo points out. and that is not where i was heading with the question.

If you yourself view emotions the same as being whiny Mr Cairo. Then hey. Awesome. And it seems like everyone else kinda feels the same also. then awesome as well.

Alot of the women i speak with always talk about getting married, having a family, and just wanting to find a man who loves them for them and not their bodies/money. There was one thing i always thought about. Since most women i come across always want something more and wants to be desired as a whole instead of parts. (body, money, personality alone, whatever)

Are there women who would desire and love a man the same way? My thing is why care for someone else if they don't care about you? I could get more generally with this but Ill keep it toward gender/dating.

I am in no way trying to start another gender war thread and if you take it that way then kick rocks.
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:10 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Mangomonkey View Post
I was contemplating on adding this but i decided not to in my first post. When i say emotions. I actually mean EMOTIONS. But not to the extreme like mr cairo points out. and that is not where i was heading with the question.

If you yourself view emotions the same as being whiny Mr Cairo. Then hey. Awesome. And it seems like everyone else kinda feels the same also. then awesome as well.

Alot of the women i speak with always talk about getting married, having a family, and just wanting to find a man who loves them for them and not their bodies/money. There was one thing i always thought about. Since most women i come across always want something more and wants to be desired as a whole instead of parts. (body, money, personality alone, whatever)

Are there women who would desire and love a man the same way? My thing is why care for someone else if they don't care about you? I could get more generally with this but Ill keep it toward gender/dating.

I am in no way trying to start another gender war thread and if you take it that way then kick rocks.
What? I don't see emotions as being whiney. I'm latin. I come from a far more manly Country than these guys ,and at the age of 10 I was writing romantic poetry, and my father was giving it to his friend and sending it to poetry contests. I am far more emotional than most of the guys in the more feminized of Countries, but those emotions are positive, are real, they aren't emotional dejects like several of the posters(not saying you are one of them) who continuously claim that women are money-grabbers/only interested in 20 guys out of 100/ and that they are victims of society.

Doesn't hold water. Emotions and feelings, everyone has them and they are accepted in all Countries(except maybe in China and in the Middle East).

Why was Di Caprio so popular, and still is? Look at his movies. He's not exactly playing the role Van Damme typically plays, now was he?

So lets see. Di caprio looks very feminine. His movies are very emotional, very in tune with a woman's mind. Yet, he's one of the richest actors in the world, and Titanic was a tremendous box-office.

I'm sure Di Caprio would have been successful with women even if he didn't have the money he has. What gives? He's highly emotional and that pays off, as I can attest to that.
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:12 PM   #9
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I have come to the conclusion that when women talk about wanting men to be more sensitive and emotional they are really talking about being more sensitive to their (women's) emotions. Any time I've ever got really emotional with women and felt down or needy or whatever the look of seething contempt usually pulled me straigth out of it.
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:15 PM   #10
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Emotional control isn't just the provenance of men. Some women like myself also practice it. It doesn't mean we don't feel. It just means we're careful about who and how we extrovert our feelings, attempting to think before we act.

With the above in mind, my preference has always been stoic men since personal control is a value of mine.
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:16 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Mr.Cairo View Post
What? I don't see emotions as being whiney. I'm latin. I come from a far more manly Country than these guys ,and at the age of 10 I was writing romantic poetry, and my father was giving it to his friend and sending it to poetry contests. I am far more emotional than most of the guys in the more feminized of Countries, but those emotions are positive, are real, they aren't emotional dejects like several of the posters(not saying you are one of them) who continuously claim that women are money-grabbers/only interested in 20 guys out of 100/ and that they are victims of society.

Doesn't hold water. Emotions and feelings, everyone has them and they are accepted in all Countries(except maybe in China and in the Middle East).

Why was Di Caprio so popular, and still is? Look at his movies. He's not exactly playing the role Van Damme typically plays, now was he?

So lets see. Di caprio looks very feminine. His movies are very emotional, very in tune with a woman's mind. Yet, he's one of the richest actors in the world, and Titanic was a tremendous box-office.

I'm sure Di Caprio would have been successful with women even if he didn't have the money he has. What gives? He's highly emotional and that pays off, as I can attest to that.
What range of emotions does Di Caprio display and do you think if he displayed some of the emotions displayed by female actresses he'd be seen in the same light?
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:18 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Mr.Cairo View Post

I think you guys are referring to whining. If you guys go around telling people that 'all women are shallow', that 'women are only interested in 20% of the male population', that 'women don't like sex', that all 'women want is men to pay for them', then yeah. You guys are criticized by society.
Actually I know that's NOT what I'm talking about. Us guys generally come to forums like this one to whine about those problems. Usually we don't bring them up with our partnerss unless things are getting really bad.

I'll give you two specific examples of what I'm talking about.

my former ltr gf and I once watched a romantic movie together. In it there was a scene where the couple had an argument and he started to cry. My gf actually paused the movie to tell me. 'See, this is so romantic and exactly what women want. someone who is strong and stable who they feel can't be hurt by anything EXCEPT the woman they love.' we discussed it a bit and it actually made me feel more comfortable with ehr because I felt I had a green light to show my emotions more and I knew that really the only thing that could hurt me was her as we were in love.
A while later we have an argument and start to voice my feelings more. she tells me I am being weak and it's a turnoff. I point out that she had told me specifically that this is what she wanted to see of my feeling from this relationship. her answer 'yeah... well i guess. well idk maybe this feels different. just f%&*ng man up'.

My current gf has told me that she loves romance, thinks about it often. And when I don't do anything romantic for a while she notices and gets upset and will start to actively make suggesting of romantic things I can do for her. BUT when I AM romantic without prompting. 90% of the time she actually feels awkward and unhappy about the situation because it feels like her man is being too wussy.

Neither of these situations are about being whiny or controlling.
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:21 PM   #13
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People here tell me all the time to open up to my wife and I am so afraid to do it because I see what happens when men open up to women. Are there are any women here that can refute this and say this is not how they are?
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:21 PM   #14
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I don't care for men who pretend to have no emotions. It's a total turn off to me. I married a man who is not afraid to show his emotions or speak his mind. The only problem I have with an "emotional man" is if his emotions seem out of control. My husband feels the same way -- he doesn't want a woman with out-of-control emotions either, though I certainly had my moments when I was pregnant. (He forgave me.)
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Old 5th April 2011, 8:29 PM   #15
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What range of emotions does Di Caprio display and do you think if he displayed some of the emotions displayed by female actresses he'd be seen in the same light?
Go watch the movie Titanic to see what range of emotions Di Caprio display. Also watch the movie in which he plays the role of a French poet.

Do you know that guy, Zac effron or something? His latest movies have been about puppy love, a very sensible and emotional boy. He's still one of the most desirable young actors out there. The books from Sparks are also highly emotional and he sells so many of those movies.

The Twilight saga has two highly emotional characters and funnily enough, I remember reading something about teenager girls dumping their boyfriends because they wanted their guys to be more emotional like Edward.

Yes, there are plenty of adult women interested in the Twilight, The Chronicles of the Vampire(EXTREMELY emotional books, selling by the millions) books, the 'Dresden Files', and so on.

There's a reason for heartthrobs to be so in demand. You'll also notice that many of those heartthrobs were feminine in appearance or they were highly emotional.
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