PisceanP Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 So I've been in a relationship for about 4 years now and our relationship is full of miscommunication. My girlfriend seems to think that when I disagree with her that it's a personal attack or that I don't value her input. I've monitored my responses to her carefully and can't seem to find a manner that is neutral. I've asked her many times what I can do/ways I can say things so as not to offend her despite my attempts to assure her that I'm not trying to offend her. She has difficulty telling me her expectations regarding our relationship and given her upbringing (she comes from a family that does not talk about problems or feelings and if there's an issue you find out by means of a cold shoulder) I can see why. I just want my girlfriend to know that when I say something like " instead of paying $20.00 for a set of sham-wow's, how about we use the cotton towels at home instead?", that I'm not undervaluing her opinions. Any advice on this matter would be kindly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
tryingtocurerj Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Instead of asking a forum full of strangers on advice about how to handle your relationship why don't you just take her to go to couples counseling? ... Doesn't that just sound snide? Even if it is good advice, it can come across wrong when you're challenging someones decision and offering the alternative that would've been "correct" for them to make. When you're offering to correct your woman (or just enlighten her with a better alternative) it sounds to her like your undermining her decision and viewing her as "wrong". You can't tell her not to view it that way because its affecting her ego. I dated a girl just like that. My advice would to be just do what you have to do. Correct the problem without asking for validation that makes her feel bad. The girl I dated wore super slutty skirts to Church. That bothered me and in NO WAY could I address to her that this needed to change without her getting super offended. So instead of talking about it I decided to take her to get new skirts, and she loved it. Take action instead of talking about how as a couple you could've made better choices in the past. So communicate with actions if the words aren't working Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Doesn't that just sound snide? Even if it is good advice, it can come across wrong when you're challenging someones decision and offering the alternative that would've been "correct" for them to make. When you're offering to correct your woman (or just enlighten her with a better alternative) it sounds to her like your undermining her decision and viewing her as "wrong". You can't tell her not to view it that way because its affecting her ego. Yup. Just curious though, how you've dated her for 4 years and this is still an issue? Have you tried just using "I" statements? Like, "I don't want to spend $20 on a set of Sham-Wows. I think the cotton towels we have seem to work fine." That way it's about what you think, rather than implying a judgment about her opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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