Prya84 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone, First of all, let me tell you this is my 1st thread/post here. I hope to get some honest opinion and thank you very much for reading. I don't want to make this too long. I got married about 8 years ago, but it was not a love marriage. I have never been with my husband sexually. We got divorced just a few years ago, but technically we separated soon after marriage and haven't been in contact for years (while still married). I have also started an entirely new life. My family does not really speak to me anymore. Now let me talk about what has been going on in the past year. About a year ago I have met someone and we started dating. He is very important to me and I think that I have finally found my love. Of course I haven't talked to him about my marriage yet, but I do feel that I have to do it now. So this is my question for you. How would you guys react if your SO suddenly shared an information like this with you? I am not afraid that he will not understand. I am more concerned about him thinking about me as an emotionally weak person because I did it. And please don't tell me that he will surely understand. I am looking for honest opinion. Also, my boyfriend is very family oriented. He always says that he is looking forward to meeting my family and such things. And he is extremely traditional. If you know what I mean. He is a man who strongly believes in marriage and family. Your answers are appreciated. Thank you very much. Edited March 20, 2011 by Prya84 Link to post Share on other sites
Ricl Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Whether he will understand no one can tell you. But it would be fair to talk to him about it. I actually think you've already waited way too long to talk about it. Silly enough such things are important. They should not matter, but it's good to know. Personally it wouldn't bother me one bit, but I'd be insulted if this important part of your life wasn't shared with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prya84 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 Whether he will understand no one can tell you. But it would be fair to talk to him about it. I actually think you've already waited way too long to talk about it. Silly enough such things are important. They should not matter, but it's good to know. Personally it wouldn't bother me one bit, but I'd be insulted if this important part of your life wasn't shared with me. Thank you Ricl. And yes, you are right about saying that I have waited too long, I realize that. But my explanation is that everything that happened wasn't real. No real feeling invested, no eneregy, no memories. It meant nothing to me. And my goal with this post was also to try to figure out how to tell him and what to tell him exactly. So I gues he might ask me why didn't I tell him before. Link to post Share on other sites
grecian Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I think if he really loves you and he wants to have a family with you, he should care more about the family that you two will create and not about how you get along with your own family. Nothing is ever ideal in life and he should be realistic and understanding of that and not judge you because of a mistake. I am sure he already knows you well enough to have a good idea about your character. Learning something about your past shouldn't change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Macaw Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I would love my girlfriend more if she told me something like that upfront. If I discovered it on my own or got close to it and she confessed out of guilt... it would've been another story completely. I recommend that before you bring this subject up that you ask him these two questions: - Do you believe true love conquers all? - Do you love me? At very least, he'll feel compelled to hear the following explanation with an open mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Ricl Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Thank you Ricl. And yes, you are right about saying that I have waited too long, I realize that. But my explanation is that everything that happened wasn't real. No real feeling invested, no eneregy, no memories. It meant nothing to me. And my goal with this post was also to try to figure out how to tell him and what to tell him exactly. So I gues he might ask me why didn't I tell him before. It's understandable, but even with it meaning nothing to you, it was a big part of your life. I think in any serious relationship anything that was a big part of ones life should be shared. No details needed, just the basics. Your best bet in telling him is apologizing in front that you didn't tell him earlier, and mention your reasons for not telling earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prya84 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 Thank you guys for answering. Your answers are really helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
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