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Introduction - My bf and his kid


UncannyCookie

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UncannyCookie

New to this site so first, hello!!

 

Second, I'm currently dating a guy who has a daughter from a previous relationship, even though we've been together over 19 months, I've only met his daughter a handful of times. I thought I'd cope, my parents are divorced and I understand its not easy being that kid but...there's one major difference.

 

My parents didn't have so much drama!!!

 

My bf's ex is possesive to say the least, and this is why although our relationship is pretty serious, I am now not allowed to see the child (because when I met the child I got along with her, the ex didn't like that...). It's one rule for her and another for us, the ex had taught her daughter to call her new bf daddy, which is obviously heartbreaking for my bf to hear when he's a fantastic dad not one of those to do a runner and give little to no support. This woman even manipulated my bf into paying her loans, hell even i've had to pay the child support!!!!

 

It's just insane, theres so much and my bf has even had to take her to court after she made some false allegations against him. I'm trying to stay strong, I love my bf to pieces and in every other way he's PERFECT. but this drives me insane, how is our relationship supposed to move forward when I can't have a bond with his child?!?

 

Sometimes I think I'm too young for this type of relationship (20yrs old), I find it hard to empathise at times aswell, as I have no children of my own (Have no desire for them at my age!!). I dont know what to do and any advise or support would be great!!! n__n

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Done this. Pretty much by script. Babymama decided she wasn't letting the kid around me, pulled the control-freak card, and brought the whole thing into court. Unpleasant. But then things got better, life moved on. UNTIL she had some other issue... etc, etc. The thing is, whether you like it or not, she's not just a part of his life, she's a part of YOUR life as well. She gains entry into your private life via that kid, who comes into your space carrying her mother's attitudes and then leaves and tells the mom... god knows what.

 

Anyway I loved the guy to death, so I stuck it out for a few years. BIG MISTAKE! I resented the hell out of it, even though I didn't want to feel that way. I had all the annoyances of children with none of the gains. Please, don't think about your feelings, think about the kind of life you'll be leading if you stay. Value yourself and your own life, first and foremost.

 

I'll love that man forever. But I'm so glad it's over.

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Take everything you said, compound it by ten. And you just might get a fractional glimmer of why some men will not date a single mom. Including me.

 

At your age you should be living your age. I have no idea why you would even consider a serious relationship, much-less with a man that has a child.

 

Do you not have any aspirations of college or a vision oriented goal regarding a career path?

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This is why I don't date men with children. I'm older than you, but at my age and with no children of my own, I'm not willing to take on someone else's responsibility and drama.

 

I think you need to seriously ask yourself if you can handle this long term. If you can't, you know what you should do. I would certainly advise against taking all this on so young.

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UncannyCookie
Do you not have any aspirations of college or a vision oriented goal regarding a career path?

 

I am doing my degree at the moment, the relationship doesn't and will never affect that, as far as I'm concened thats my main priority and getting hitched with kids can wait xD

 

Thanks for the insight, it's nice knowing i'm not the only one who has been in this situation and I feel like there is some hope. I wish I hadn't fallen for a guy with a kid...uhh, need to reassess everything and talk to him, time to sort my life out while i'm young!!

 

Thank you everyone =]

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