EmptyPromises Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 ive been dating this guy for almost 2 years. We broke up for a few months over trust issues and have recently decided to get back together. 1)I am annoyed at two things right now. It was my birthday last week. He didnt get me anything. Nor did he come see me for my birthday (he lives a few hours away. Flowers or a card would have been nice enough!! and 2) He went to tampa for the weekend. I made it known that I worry alot about him and what he may or may not do. I asked him if he was meeting up with any girls there and he said no. Before he left he said he wouldnt hook up with anyone. He called me thursday, he called me friday and he called me saturday morning. I called him saturday evening twice, no answer. I log into facebook and I see his friends(that he went with) tagged in a picture with a girl he used to hook up with and was talking to while we were broken up. I immediatley texted him. And then I called him he said " Were all just friends, I didnt do anything". He wouldnt talk to me because he didnt want to argue so he hung up his phone. I called him back and told him it was over. He hasnt called me at all today. I think its soo rude and disrespectful for him to be hanging around this girl when he knows im having difficulty trusting him. Am i wrong? Did i overreact? advice please.. Link to post Share on other sites
Whatshername Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Trust has to be earned. But, at the same time, this reminds me of raising my teenagers. if I wanted to be sure they DID something that I did not want them to do..........then all I had to do was nag them or pester them to remind them about it and sure enough, it seemed that a few of them (I had 4) would do it just to prove that they could. I was recently cheated on, in a long term relationship. It did not survive, because he was never truly apologetic and remorseful. If he was, he would have made it clear to me that he was sorry he hurt me and made sure that I knew he was sincere about turning from that behavior, for our relationship to thrive and my trust to be rebuilt. What happened with yours? Forgiving without reason only lets them know they can do what they like and you'll still be there. There are fine lines of respect, and you have to draw yours and stand firm.........make your own boundaries, if you will. I am sorry, but learn from this, and I feel your angst. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 He has cheated on me before, like 8 months ago. I forgave him for that but really never got over it. We were just fighting so much over stupid little things and i would always accuse him of things he may or may not have been doing. We broke up and both hooked up with other people. When he found out I had been seeing someone else he begged me back and promised to make all these changes. He said me being with someone else made him realize how much he cares about me. But i am just so pissed off about the other day. I shouldnt have texted him about it first I should have just asked him if he hung out with her to see if he lied about it. But since I texted him saying I already knew he couldnt deny it...I dont know. It bothers me that he still hasnt tried calling. Then again, hes still in Tampa til tomorrow. thank you for your response! Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Really, if you have to PESTER him about hanging with some girl because youre insecure, then you are wrong to be angry. Because you know from perusing this board that if you have to be suspicious, you shouldnt be with him in the first place, especially when he cheated on you before. Pestering him wont stop him from cheating on you, breaking up with him will. You shouldnt be worrying about whether or not he WILL call you, you should be preparing to ignore his call if he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Whatshername Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 It's tough, I know from having felt the same pain you are feeling. There are some really good sites, and I think I hunted Infidelity(I was not married to my bf), but it lead me to read about emotional cheating, etc. ) He had reasons for straying, and they may or may not have been sexual. He was tempted and gave in to temptation. At that point denial comes in, because to admit the cheating, even if only emotional goes against the nature of protecting himself...... he justifies it because of the reason in his brain he was doing it in the first place. If a relationship is strained and there is not good communication, and conflict resolution goes by the wayside, people look for what is messing elsewhere. It sucks, because when you know what you sacrifice, are willing to do, give, etc and they break your trust, it is the most awful violation that a relationship can suffer(well, I have heard really crazy things), but of the average, normal daily things that can come up. If they are forgiven, but not repentant(remorseful) and trying to make it up to you, chances are somewhere in there, they have a super inflated ego that needs stroking, so they say hey, she is still here, so I can do what I like and she will still be here. Not all people, but some will justify their actions to the end, and make you seem like the bad guy(for looking in their phone, or asking questions), when in fact, it is their guilt that causes the defensiveness. I have not the answers, but I watched a killer video on you tube....check it out........If a Man Truly Wants You..... Link to post Share on other sites
crackerjax9 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 thank you i really appreciate your response Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 he comes home today...if he tries talking to me should i talk to him? or no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 or would not talking to him for awhile prove the point that im hurt he disrespected me by hanging around that girl when he was away? Link to post Share on other sites
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