Scarlett513 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I'm just getting started on the fourth wedding I'll have been in in the past three years and already I resent it (which of course makes me feel like an awful human being). The weddings I have been in have been for my four best friends, leaving me as the "last" single one. I have a new boyfriend but I can't help feeling left behind and left out. I know it's not about me, but I just can't help but feel like a failure. I've been through a lot and I'm jealous that it seems like it was so easy for them! More than that, though, I'm tired if spending my money on everyone else's happily ever afters. I know I could technically say no but it's really hard to refuse your best friend. Plus, I honestly happy for them and honored to have been asked. I'm just sick of being the workhorse for the bride, and never being able to afford anything for myself bc I'm always pouring my rather small paycheck into their big day. I know I sound bitter and I guess I am a little. I feel awful for not being a more enthusiastic bridesmaid, but I'm sick of my money, time, and energy being swallowed up by these things. I want my life back.... I can't afford to replace my own toaster bc I have to buy one as a wedding gift, i can't buy a dress I like bc I just blew $200 on a bridesmaid's dress I hate, and the list goes on. I'm tired of arguing with domineering maids of honor who want to spend $500 a person on the shower. When does it end???? Link to post Share on other sites
Kinder-Horror Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I'm with ya. I have only been in one wedding and that was a nightmare - and costly - so I totally get where you are coming from on being sick of the whole shabang. Words of slight encouragement: it's almost over. You have one more wedding and then you don't have to deal with any more wedding/bridesmaid stuff. Also - remember that these are (most likely) the same girls you will want involved in your wedding (which you will get!) so put on a smile and make their day a good one. At least when you get married, it wont be smushed between the wedding dates of two of your other friends - everyone can focus on your wedding and your wedding alone. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 If you can't afford the expense, talk with them instead of just forking over the money and then complaining about it. They are your closest friends--surely you can talk to each other about these things? Keep in mind that once it's your turn the roles will be reversed, so be patient and be tactful. Link to post Share on other sites
Big Why Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Well I don't know how old you are but look at it this way. I don't mean to be disparaging towards any of your friends and their relationships. The divorce rate is 50%, meaning it's almost a coin flip that it will last. So the best thing to do is hold out until you really really know someone and are 100% confident in them. Far better to wait for one wedding than to feel pressure and go through a wedding and then a divorce... trust me on that. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 When does it end???? It sounds like it ends when you stop going to weddings. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I'm just getting started on the fourth wedding I'll have been in in the past three years and already I resent it (which of course makes me feel like an awful human being). The weddings I have been in have been for my four best friends, leaving me as the "last" single one. I have a new boyfriend but I can't help feeling left behind and left out. I know it's not about me, but I just can't help but feel like a failure. I've been through a lot and I'm jealous that it seems like it was so easy for them! More than that, though, I'm tired if spending my money on everyone else's happily ever afters. I know I could technically say no but it's really hard to refuse your best friend. Plus, I honestly happy for them and honored to have been asked. I'm just sick of being the workhorse for the bride, and never being able to afford anything for myself bc I'm always pouring my rather small paycheck into their big day. I know I sound bitter and I guess I am a little. I feel awful for not being a more enthusiastic bridesmaid, but I'm sick of my money, time, and energy being swallowed up by these things. I want my life back.... I can't afford to replace my own toaster bc I have to buy one as a wedding gift, i can't buy a dress I like bc I just blew $200 on a bridesmaid's dress I hate, and the list goes on. I'm tired of arguing with domineering maids of honor who want to spend $500 a person on the shower. When does it end???? What I don't get is that if you've been a bridesmaid 3 times before, why do you need a new dress for the fourth one? Couldn't you just use a/the dress you used before? Also, you do not want to get married just because your friends are getting married. That's a horrible reason to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I know it's not about me, but I just can't help but feel like a failure. I've been through a lot and I'm jealous that it seems like it was so easy for them! This is your perception, but I bet your friends don't see it that way. Just because someone is getting married doesn't mean her life or relationship is easier or better than yours. More than that, though, I'm tired if spending my money on everyone else's happily ever afters. I know I could technically say no but it's really hard to refuse your best friend. Plus, I honestly happy for them and honored to have been asked. I'm just sick of being the workhorse for the bride, and never being able to afford anything for myself bc I'm always pouring my rather small paycheck into their big day. You DEFINITELY should not be a "workhorse" for the bride! If you are feeling that way, she's probably expecting waaayyy too much from you and you need to say something to her. When she asks you to do something you don't want to or can't afford to do, just be honest! Tell her that you are sorry but you have other things on your plate right now and you won't be able to help with xyz. Being a bridesmaid doesn't sentence you to doing everything the bride asks you to do. Also, about the shower, if you can't afford what the MOH is wanting, just tell her that! Don't argue or make it a big deal. Simply tell her that you can't afford it and you will either have to do something else for the shower (seriously, what kind of shower is $500 per person anyway??? Are you talking about the bachelorette party & she's planning some kind of trip or something?), or unfortunately you will not be able to attend. Then, if you can't attend due to the cost, just tell the bride that in a nice way! It's not your fault if they are planning ridiculously expensive events, and you shouldn't feel guilty for turning them down. Link to post Share on other sites
Kinder-Horror Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 What I don't get is that if you've been a bridesmaid 3 times before, why do you need a new dress for the fourth one? Couldn't you just use a/the dress you used before? Typically the bridesmaid is required to buy the dress that the bride decides on for her bridal party to wear. It isn't very often that the bride lets the bridesmaids wear whatever they'd like Link to post Share on other sites
GivenUp0083 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) I'm just getting started on the fourth wedding I'll have been in in the past three years and already I resent it (which of course makes me feel like an awful human being). The weddings I have been in have been for my four best friends, leaving me as the "last" single one. I have a new boyfriend but I can't help feeling left behind and left out. I know it's not about me, but I just can't help but feel like a failure. I've been through a lot and I'm jealous that it seems like it was so easy for them! More than that, though, I'm tired if spending my money on everyone else's happily ever afters. I know I could technically say no but it's really hard to refuse your best friend. Plus, I honestly happy for them and honored to have been asked. I'm just sick of being the workhorse for the bride, and never being able to afford anything for myself bc I'm always pouring my rather small paycheck into their big day. I know I sound bitter and I guess I am a little. I feel awful for not being a more enthusiastic bridesmaid, but I'm sick of my money, time, and energy being swallowed up by these things. I want my life back.... I can't afford to replace my own toaster bc I have to buy one as a wedding gift, i can't buy a dress I like bc I just blew $200 on a bridesmaid's dress I hate, and the list goes on. I'm tired of arguing with domineering maids of honor who want to spend $500 a person on the shower. When does it end???? Don't let people force you to spend money you can't afford or you don't want to. This is a situation where you can tell your friends that you are honored by them choosing you to be in the wedding, but you can't afford to do it. They should understand if they are your friends. Maybe they have someone else they'd like to be in the wedding and it was a close call between you and someone else, but if you respectfully turn them down they'll still be happy as they have someone else in mind. The maid of honor can go screw herself. That reminds me of being begged to go on a bachelor party cruise that I could barely afford to have some best man I didn't even know tell me I have to expect to blow at least $100 a day because that's the standard budget for a vacation...I told him about something else he can blow on... As for feeling like a failure, stop it. You're not. Think of it like this....do you really think all those friends of yours getting married will never get divorced? The longer you wait to develop yourself as a well-rounded, responsible, experienced, happy woman....the more successful of a relationship/marriage you will have in the future. Getting married in your early 20's and getting divorced = damaging to your future. Very emotionally damaging. Stop focusing on marriage as a benchmark for a successful and happy life. If you stay positive, do things you enjoy, work on improving yourself, puting yourself out there, you WILL find someone perfect for you, and you'll be choosing bridesmaids from you group of already or soon to be divorced friends. Oh and one more thing....people who are married like to passive-aggressively rub it in other people's faces at times. They do this out of their own insecurity and uncertainty of their marriage and they need an ego boost to help make themselves feel better. They put on this happy face and act like everything is wonderful and perfect, but I assure you that is not always the case. Mark my words, most of your friends getting married will be divorced. The odds are against them staying married, so next time you think about how wonderful their life is because their getting married, instead think about how much it would suck to get divorced. Edited January 19, 2011 by GivenUp0083 Link to post Share on other sites
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